How will you die?

[Jaws]

http://www.thedeathpsychic.com/

 

"After haggling over the price of meat, an enraged butcher whips you to death with a large beef tongue."

 

wtf!!

[OddJob]

"As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, you're beaten and tortured for days. While you're still alive, your body is put into a meat grinder and ground up."

 

Well that's cheered me up a little :thumbs:

[uni_don]

"A gang of midgets wraps you in plastic wrap and proceeds to cook you with a hair dryer. You are slowly squeezed to death as the plastic wrap shrinks around your body."

 

Probably better than my current exams

[Guest ultrarobin]

While in a movie theater, a crazed man with a gun begins firing shots randomly. You're struck in the back of the head and fall slumped over in your seat as blood pours from your mouth.

[OddJob]

While shagging Liz Hurley, her Paki ex lover comes in and shoots your cock off with a AK47, you die of blood loss

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Obviously made up by yourself surely?

 

Still funny tho.

[Jaws]

While shagging Liz Hurley, her Paki ex lover comes in and shoots your cock off with a AK47, you die of blood loss

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

LOL

 

[delta1red]

You express dissatisfaction with your meal at a roadside diner. Seconds later, the fry cook springs from his kitchen and douses you with a tub of scalding grease.

[Liam]

"You die of natural causes"

 

Just me or a fucking disappointment?

[Dandie1992]

While rummaging through the trunk of your car, a disgruntled neighbor approaches you from behind and slams the trunk repeatedly onto you, eventually cutting you in half at the waist.

[fatshaft]

While on a pleasant nature walk, you are abducted and ceremoniously sacrificed by a satanic cult.

[tup]

You are buried up to your neck in sand at the beach as a prank with your wife and kids.

 

The kids then smear your face and neck with beef paste and your wife sets three pitbulls loose on your head.

[Aberdeen_Fan]

I certainly wont die from falling down the stairs

[looksgoodinred]

"While sunbathing in your yard, a commercial airliner accidentally unloads its waste tank. You are impaled by several spears of frozen urine which fall from 30,000 feet above you."

 

at least i'll be tanned and looking half-decent when i go.

[centraldon]

"You mouth off to the wrong guy in a bar and are beaten to death with a barstool."

 

Sounds eerily possible.

[Coopy100]

"a.i.d.s"

[Big Man]

''After exchanging private messages back and forth over many months, RAZOR rides to your place of work on his moped (without insurance) and smashes you. You die of an internal haemorrhage.''

 

This thing is good...

 

[Ke1t]

If you're Scottish it's either going to be lung cancer or, more likely, a heart attack.

 

Neither way is particularly romantic.... hacking out your bloody, puss-filled lungs or clutching at your chest and driving your car under a bus on Union Street.

 

I just want to die with my sword in my hand... and that might well be a euphemism for dying while I'm having a wank.

 

Just stick that on my headstone. Kelt... Died Wanking.

[The Oxford Don]

If you're Scottish it's either going to be lung cancer or, more likely, a heart attack.

 

Neither way is particularly romantic.... hacking out your bloody, puss-filled lungs or clutching at your chest and driving your car under a bus on Union Street.

 

I just want to die with my sword in my hand... and that might well be a euphemism for dying while I'm having a wank.

 

Just stick that on my headstone. Kelt... Died Wanking.

 

Ah yes... the fabled 'death wank'.

 

Anyway, for me it's: "You get out of bed late one night to investigate a strange sound. Minutes later, you're cornered by several intruders and are beaten to death with your own fireplace tools."

 

To be fair, it's my own fault for living so close to Leith.

[MincePie]

As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, you are stripped and chained to the ground spread-eagle. Your torso is slit open with a razor blade, and you are covered with dozens of large rats, which proceed to feed their way into your body.

[Bobby Connor]

Being depressed with life in general, you commit suicide by sitting in your running car with the garage door closed.

 

Haha! Chance would be a fine thing.

[Guest milne_afc]

While attending a renaissance fair, you're bludgeoned to death with a lute by a crazed minstrel.

 

 

Canna see it like.

[The Boofon]

You are buried up to your neck in sand at the beach.

 

 

Goodness me.

 

Loose lips sink ships.

[Poodler]

My girlfriend beats me to death with a hammer whilst I'm sleeping.

 

 

Slight euphemism there too

[Betty Swallicks]

You are the victim of a home robbery and are shot in the head several times at point blank range while you're asleep.

 

 

Happy enough with that.

Hope i'm 90 at the time.

[King Street Loon]

As you decide on a holiday on a farm in the country, you make the mistake of helping the farmer by feeding the chickens. The rooster takes a disliking to you and proceeds to fly at you with his claws out, puncturing your skin. Soon the others join in as they get a taste of your blood. Before long you lay dying on the ground being eaten to death by chickens.

 

[chief_wiggum]

While mowing the lawn barefoot, you accidentally run over your foot, severing your toes. Unable to walk, you bleed to death in your lawn

 

 

I'm such an accident prone clumsy bastard I could actually see that happening.

[Tenerifered]

As you decide on a holiday on a farm in the country, you make the mistake of helping the farmer by feeding the chickens. The rooster takes a disliking to you and proceeds to fly at you with his claws out, puncturing your skin. Soon the others join in as they get a taste of your blood. Before long you lay dying on the ground being eaten to death by chickens.

 

 

Going for a swim and coming toe to fin with a great white shark

[Dynamo]

While having fun with fireworks, an M-80 blows up in your hand. You die from massive blood loss.

 

 

I do like fireworks...

[minijc]

Whilst working out in the gym you are overcome with rage and get involved in a fight, you get a weight smashed off your head and die instantly.

 

[Henry]

How will you die?

 

 

A virgin.