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The Most Amazing And Made Up Fabrication

Bobby Connor

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Mind how the police came into my flat last week on the basis of moving my car?


The punchline was when I was slapped with a fixed pen fine of £30.


Well, yesterday evening I finally got around to recovering the notice from Highland Council that was issued on the 6th of March but incorrectly delivered downstairs by the postie. It was well hidden in the flats downstairs where I wouldn't normally venture (on the basis that it's rude to go in amongst your neighbours stuff.


I found the letter that meant my own car was parked illegally outside of my flat on the street I live in.


It goes like this ( I will try to use the same formatting at all times):


Dear Mr Connor




I have received a report that the residential visitors permit number fitever issued to your address continues to be used on a vehicle which is not a genuine visitor to your address. It is reported that it appears it is being used regularly to allow an alleged relative from Invergordon; who arrives, takes out all his gear and then gets picked up in a minibus...


It goes on, but that is the allegation against me from some unknown individual.


Suffice to say, the allegation is absolute fabricated drivel. I dinna have any relatives in Invergordon (although it seems some curtain twitcher kens I am from there).


What is all the more fucking bananas is that I am expected to prove my innocence against the word of some random stranger who doesn't know me from adam. How the fuck could anyone deduce that my car was being used by a relative and where my relative was from?

Presumably the minibus fucks off to a poor man's Hogwarts. I am still incensed!


I have picked up a wee fine on the back of some utter cunt on my street. I would dearly love to know who it was so I could correct them in the firmest manner.


This is all not to say that I shouldn't have been a wee bit more organised myself. Should've sorted the residents permit, but for fuck sakes!

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