Kelt's Fantastical World Of Fucked Up Shit

[Ke1t]

Maybe I'm just a big fannybaws worrymonkey, but once I start reading a story in the Electric Newspapers I tend to start digging around to find out more than just the headline story.

 

As it happened I'd already been reading about this Naoko Kikuchi, and her mentalist mates from the Aum Shinrikyo Death Cult... a Japanese group that, like some kind of real life James Bond Organisation, wants to kill just a whole fuckbunch of people and, if at all possible, every last fucker on the planet.

 

 

Head Mad Fuck, Chizuo Matsumoto. He's been expecting Mr Bond.

 

It's nice to have goals, I suppose, and wiping out the human race is, if nothing else, quite the goal to shoot for.

 

So the headline was: Japan 'doomsday cult member' held , and it does tell about how this bint has been arrested for being a mentalist, and how a whole bunch of her mentalist mates are in prison already, some of whom are awaiting execution for the sarin attacks on Japanese commuters some time ago.

 

That's the gist of the story... no real background. Just, 'Mental chick is mental and gets lifted'.

 

Anyway, I listen to conspiracy radio a LOT... I've been convinced to make a hat out of tin foil and sit in a room lined with Alcan by some of the shit I've heard on Coast to Coast AM (which deserves its own thread).. so I'm pretty up on all the conspiracies, like how George Bush is actually a fucking Reptoid Alien and part of an advance group of infiltrators sent to Earth ahead of the Reptoid Alien invasion to just fuck everything up so that when the Reptoids invade we're too fucked up to stop them. That conspiracy happens to be true, BTW.. I've seen Bush and his mates cavorting under the owl at Bohemian Grove, sacrificing the babies and all that sort of shit. You can check that... take it to the bank, cast iron guaranteed.

 

...but I digress... so the Death Cult mentalists have largely been arrested, and all is well.

 

But not really, because there's more to the story than what you've heard in the mainstream media. The mainstream media being largely the domain of dozy fuckwits, corporate puppets, government shills and fags...

 

...so here's the deal with this Japanese Death Cult that the mainstream media didn't tell you, and this is all verifiable on the electric internets from disparate sources.

 

Back in the early 90s, Aum Shinrikyo was some kind of hippy commune, more interested in spiritual shit than murdering people. But then, for whatever reason, they decided that murder was probably more productive than sitting cross-legged and contemplating your inner being, and certainly a damn site more lulzy when you really get down and think about it in your mental, mental head.

 

So they stopped meditating and started planning ways in which they could indeed kill every last motherfucker in the room and, as we heard earlier, on the planet if that's okay, and thank you very much... or 'domo arigatou gozaimasu', as you might say if you were a Japanese mentalist.

 

First thing they needed was plenty space in which to experiment with their Evil Genius Shit That Could Kill Everyone. But it needed to be secluded, so as to stop people from, you know, going, "Heeeeey! Is that a fucking SCALAR WEAPON! I'm telling the fucking government on you, you fucking weirdo Jap mentalist!" That might end their plans for planetary genocide right quick.

 

So what they did was buy some land out in the middle of Buttfuck Nowhere, also known as the Australian Outback. A place called Banjawarn station, to be more precise. A location that not only served the purpose of hiding the mad shit they were up to, but occupied a very interesting location owing to a particular facility around 5 hours drive away from Banjawarn station, and would be the focal point of a number of 'unusual' events that would occur in rapid succession... but would go almost entirely unreported or unconnected.

 

Now the total annihilation of all human life might not even be all that difficult to achieve in the first place. Nicolai Tesla build a little mechanical 'toy' that almost destroyed the building he was working in. It was small enough to fit in a pocket, worked on steam, and few pounds of air pressure... he boasted than with a little work he could create a device of similar design that would split the Earth in two. His work, on his death, was seized by the FBI and has been spirited off to fuck knows where for fuck knows what purpose.

 

Tesla also used 'Scalar' energy to power lightbulbs from 26 miles away.

 

That was about a hundred years ago.

 

So this Death Cult had some interesting members, a couple of whom were nuclear physicists with close ties to the Russian military, one of them still regularly travelling to Russia to meet with Oleg Lobov, a close confidante of Premier Boris Yeltsin, and chairman of Russia's Security Council.

 

Once they'd bought the Australian real estate they started trying to smuggle in all sorts of cool shit in the form of various chemicals. I forget exactly which ones, but they were 'accidentally mislabeled' and confiscated by Aussie customs. Apparently smuggling in chemicals doesn't get you investigated in Australia, because the Cult was allowed to carry on at their Secret Lair undisturbed, even when they started carrying out 'geological surveys', bringing in excavation equipment, and started bringing nuclear physicists into the country.

 

So, they're carrying out their secret 'geological surveys', they've bought up a bunch of excavation equipment and they've brought in nuclear physicists, and they've built a state of the art lab using money from Japanese Corporations.

 

And a mere 5 hours away from their Secret Lair by road, or maybe an hour if you happen to have a private jet (which they did)... is a place called Yeelirrie.

 

You can Google Map the route... in fact I've already done it....

 

 

What's at Yeelirrie?

 

Nothing much... couple of shacks, some tumbleweed, a few drunk Abos...

 

...OH, and I almost forgot. An airstrip and a Uranium Mine.

 

Yeah, they mine Uranium there. Apparently the whole fucking area is sitting on top of some of the best fucking fissionable material on the planet. So if you wanted to build, say, fuck.. I don't know... a nuclear weapon for example... then, shit, you've come to the right place.

 

And by 'right place' I mean Buttfuck Nowhere, Australia. Hey.. you don't know of any place you might find a state of the fucking art facility and a couple of nuclear physicists, do you? What's that? Just follow the road straight for a few hours... or fly if you have a private jet... and ask for The Insane Japanese Death Cult Who Plans TO Kill Just About Fucking Everyone? Yeah? Because I have a delivery of Uranium for them... yeah, I think one of them is having a birthday party and they need this for the fireworks. Fuck, I don't know, I'm Australian... the descendant of inveterate felons.

 

And NO-ONE thought this was fucking suspicious?

 

Really?

 

Anyway, we're only just getting started with the weird shit that went on, not to mention the homicidal (and ovinecidal ) shenanigans that would occur right there where all the crazy Japanese and Russian Death Cultists were situated at their Secret Lair.

 

I'll return to this thread with Part 2 in a bit...

[tainboy]

That's far too big a post for me to read, therefore I argue everything it's based on by default.

 

You've been brainwashed by yanks and next you'll be telling me America is the land of the free. Bloody former colonies are always going a bit loopy. You should be adopting my policies when in the former colonies, offend then educate. Works every time.

[Ke1t]

That's far too big

 

Well, like I tell the ladies, it's only going to get bigger.

 

offend the educate. Works every time.

 

 

In that case I shall endeavour to offend the educate at every opportunity!

[tainboy]

Bugger. Edited.

[Tenerifered]

 

 

No where as good as this Death Cult

[Poodler]

Kelt, you are wasted on here.

[Ke1t]

 

 

No where as good as this Death Cult

 

Indeed not. And might I say that's a smashing taste in music you're displaying there :thumbs:

 

 

Kelt, you are wasted on here.

 

A lot of the time, yeah...

[Jonty]

If it really was a death cult then why set up in the middle of nowhere? Pretty horrific for the kangaroos and koalas right enough, but aside from Antartica the middle of western Australia is prob one of the "safest" places to detonate a nuclear bomb surely?

[Ke1t]

If it really was a death cult then why set up in the middle of nowhere? Pretty horrific for the kangaroos and koalas right enough, but aside from Antartica the middle of western Australia is prob one of the "safest" places to detonate a nuclear bomb surely?

 

 

Well, yeah, you could say that Australia was the safest place to detonate a nulcear weapon and you'd likely be right, however weapons testing in places like Nevada or isolated islands in the Pacific... or the Outback... would be used to perfect the device before rolling it out in, just as a for example, the Tokyo Underground....

 

 

The point of being in a secluded, out of the way area isn't so no-one gets hurt.. it's so you can get your shit down pat with no-one noticing. Then, when your shit's down pat, you unleash your Weapon-O-Doom

[fifered]

Kelt, you are wasted on here.

Couldn't agree more. Always highly entertaining.

[BrianFaePerth]

Kelt, you are wasted on here.

 

Aye, if only there was some sort of breathalyzer attached to the login page.