The Evening Express

[ChutneyLove]

What a shit-rag the Evening paper is. Does anyone actually still buy it? The early afternoon (morning really) edition is particularly chronic. The journals should sharpen up their act, printed papers are going to struggle very soon as it is. Most folk only buy the paper out of habit. Suggestions for a revamp below:

 

1) Page 3. Some local lass with her baps oot. The paper has no quality journalist working there, so why not just know your place, stop pretending to be some fancy newspaper and become a local red-top?

2) Complete overhaul of sports writers. There must be a load of bloggers out there that could write better than the tosh served up by Messrs Allan & co.

3) Court page - on page 5 - keep it there so you know where to look to see who's in the shit. Can always spill over to pages 6 and 7 at busy times.

4) Get rid of that wifies supplement crap. Also, the questions folk ask to be resolved - use Google you stupid cunts.

 

Anyone else feel similarly?

[Ke1t]

What a shit-rag the Evening paper is. Does anyone actually still buy it? The early afternoon (morning really) edition is particularly chronic. The journals should sharpen up their act, printed papers are going to struggle very soon as it is. Most folk only buy the paper out of habit. Suggestions for a revamp below:

 

1) Page 3. Some local lass with her baps oot. The paper has no quality journalist working there, so why not just know your place, stop pretending to be some fancy newspaper and become a local red-top?

2) Complete overhaul of sports writers. There must be a load of bloggers out there that could write better than the tosh served up by Messrs Allan & co.

3) Court page - on page 5 - keep it there so you know where to look to see who's in the shit. Can always spill over to pages 6 and 7 at busy times.

4) Get rid of that wifies supplement crap. Also, the questions folk ask to be resolved - use Google you stupid cunts.

 

Anyone else feel similarly?

 

I think the reason it sucks so mightily is that, really, next to fuck all happens in Aberdeen to report on.

 

The odd car accident, a mugging here and there, drunken chavvery on a weekend... that's about it.

 

You can only report what happens, and when fuck all happens.... you have the Aberdeen Journals reporting on it with, admittedly, amateur journalism.

 

Cat stuck in tree, 98 year old woman mugged in her home, Aberdeen Manager Says Keeper Hasn't Had A Save To Make.

 

Conversely you can have TOO MUCH news to report on, to the point it just becomes 'meh. That again?'

 

Just looked up local news, and the headline from a mere 6 hours ago...

------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Detroit-Area Man Held in Death, Dismemberment Case

 

Investigators found "copious amounts" of blood and other clues linking a man to the fatal shooting and dismemberment of a Detroit-area couple who had allowed him to move in a few weeks ago, police said Monday.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

There's your standard Monday night headline, right there.

 

And just to confirm that piss-poor standards of journalism isn't a uniquely Aberdeen thing, here's local Fox News' front page...

 

LeDuff told dead man lied for hours outside DPD dispatch center

 

He 'lied' outside.

 

Yup.

 

 

EDIT: Actually, this sounds like a combined murder-gay-rape-mugging.

 

"The body of a 20-year-old black male was found just a few feet from the Detroit Police communications center. He had suffered gunshot wounds to the head and chest. Police say his pants were torn off with nothing in them."

 

Like to see the P&J report on THAT one.

[ChutneyLove]

Agreed, but there must be some things that are deemed newsworthy. For example - if there is nothing happening down Pittodrie way, don't reel out a story about how Mitchel Meggison can't wait for the next game / he's going to score twenty goals this season if given the chance / he's the man to lead the Aberdeen attack. (I say Megginson, it was Mackie for over ten years). Instead of that garbage, just report "Fuck all happening at Pittodrie today." Give the back page to golf, rugby, fishing or some other sport that does have a bit of news.

 

Also, who the fuck is Cameron Stout? Did I miss the journalism qualification requirement to be a random bloke who is in pantomime? Frank Gilfunky is just annoying too with his attempts at getting under folks skin.

 

I think every area needs a local paper - the North East of Scotland just has a poor attempt at an evening version. Perhaps combining resources with the P&J and having just one issue per day would see the standards improve?

[The Boofon]

They've always got some great memorial adverts in the EE. Normally quite big ones with a ridiculous photo of the deceased. That's one thing everyone should have. A photo of yourself not looking like a complete and utter spastic so if you get wiped out by a grey squirrel (as they are cunts unlike the red ones who are ace) you don't get your mugshot in the paper looking like a plank.

 

* Bunty McTavish 1902 - 1992. Twenty years ago you passed away, we miss you every night and day. Lots of love from Bunty Junior, Bunty III and all the other Buntys in Achtermuchty.

 

 

* Not her real name, year she was born or when she died.

[Chappit Neeps]

See, living on the other side of the world I still like to keep up with the goings on in Aberdeen. I occassionally flick onto the website and jesus, it's depressing reading.

 

The other week I got to read how there were junkies in the street, shecht weather, a car crash, roadworks etc. does nothing for my desire to live in gods country again one day. I love Aberdeen, all the family live there and i've a stack of mates there but seriously, reading that paper just puts me right off. (I cling to the fact that I know it's not as bad as that rag makes out & that it's just lazy journalism - good things do happen in Aberdeen but finding out about them would involve effort!!)

 

So, to sum up... Totally agree with you, pish paper. Needs an overhaul or shut doon!

 

Ps. I was mates with a journo there when i was at uni. I should look him up and give him some pelters!

[GK55]

Buy the EE every day - although i agree its awful!

[E-P-K]

I was surprised to read that the Press and Journal, which admittedly is far better than the EE is the best selling "broadsheet" in Scotland, selling more than the Herald and the Scotsman.

[spamspamspam]

Every fucking article in the EE starts with the word today...

 

Today Craig Brown relieved....

Today Donald Trump said....

Today tribute's were paid...

 

One day I'll love them to shock me and start an article saying "Today is the last time every single story in this paper starts the the word today"

 

I'm also not a fan of yon blond bint that does the celeb shite. Havent read any of her drivel, her face next to a pic of Victoria Beckham is enough to let me know its another page to bypass.

 

I buy it from the sandwich van daily though but its mainly for the AFC stories.

 

See Trump got a Dons top yesterday, thats his investment done.

[King Street Loon]

Aberdeen Journals are going to be no more shortly anyway.

 

DC Thompson bought them and will be running it from down there more than likely.

It'll certainly be printed down there.

 

Shite paper.

The Beano is a better read.

[Dynamo]

Never buy with the EE. Complete guff.

[tup]

They could employ me instead of that buffoon Chris Chrichton.

[Bluto10]

 

Just looked up local news, and the headline from a mere 6 hours ago...

------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Detroit-Area Man Held in Death, Dismemberment Case

 

Investigators found "copious amounts" of blood and other clues linking a man to the fatal shooting and dismemberment of a Detroit-area couple who had allowed him to move in a few weeks ago, police said Monday.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

There's your standard Monday night headline, right there.

 

And just to confirm that piss-poor standards of journalism isn't a uniquely Aberdeen thing, here's local Fox News' front page...

 

LeDuff told dead man lied for hours outside DPD dispatch center

 

He 'lied' outside.

 

Yup.

 

 

EDIT: Actually, this sounds like a combined murder-gay-rape-mugging.

 

"The body of a 20-year-old black male was found just a few feet from the Detroit Police communications center. He had suffered gunshot wounds to the head and chest. Police say his pants were torn off with nothing in them."

 

Like to see the P&J report on THAT one.

 

thats why you have robocop and ed 209 and we have grampians shitest.

[Robbie Winters]

Even in the online picture gallery the quality of the contenders for WYOWY is diminishing

[Karl Fletcher]

We get it delivered everyday.

 

But we've never paid for it, nor have they ever chased us for money.

 

I'm not sure why it lands on our doormat everyday as we've never asked for it, but there you go. This has been happening since March.

 

And yes, I agree, it's an absolute abortion of a paper.

 

Few years ago I had a mate who played for Montrose and for a the sheer lulz we put a thread up on Mad that the Dons were interested in him.

 

Within minutes, guess which Journalism Genius was on the blower to the Montrose Manager asking if the story was true?

 

 

 

 

 

 

:charlie:

 

 

 

 

 

[The Boofon]

We get it delivered everyday.

 

But we've never paid for it, nor have they ever chased us for money.

 

I'm not sure why it lands on our doormat everyday as we've never asked for it, but there you go. This has been happening since March.

 

And yes, I agree, it's an absolute abortion of a paper.

 

Few years ago I had a mate who played for Montrose and for a the sheer lulz we put a thread up on Mad that the Dons were interested in him.

 

Within minutes, guess which Journalism Genius was on the blower to the Montrose Manager asking if the story was true?

 

 

Have you moved house recently? Say about March time?

[Karl Fletcher]

Why, yes Boofon

[The Boofon]

Why, yes Boofon

 

 

A dastardly trick by the old owners. They could have sewn prawns into the curtains, hid a fish down the back of a radiator but oh no they decide to order the Evening Express on delivery from an unknown newsagent and plague you with it every day.

 

Bastards.

[ChutneyLove]

Agreed, but there must be some things that are deemed newsworthy. For example - if there is nothing happening down Pittodrie way, don't reel out a story about how Mitchel Meggison can't wait for the next game / he's going to score twenty goals this season if given the chance / he's the man to lead the Aberdeen attack. (I say Megginson, it was Mackie for over ten years). Instead of that garbage, just report "Fuck all happening at Pittodrie today." Give the back page to golf, rugby, fishing or some other sport that does have a bit of news.

 

Also, who the fuck is Cameron Stout? Did I miss the journalism qualification requirement to be a random bloke who is in pantomime? Frank Gilfunky is just annoying too with his attempts at getting under folks skin.

 

I think every area needs a local paper - the North East of Scotland just has a poor attempt at an evening version. Perhaps combining resources with the P&J and having just one issue per day would see the standards improve?

 

See above in bold, written yesterday morning about 4am.

 

See last nights EE.

 

Enough said.

[The Boofon]

See above in bold, written yesterday morning about 4am.

 

See last nights EE.

 

Enough said.

 

Classic.

[spamspamspam]

Classic.

 

Dont fall for it Boof.

 

ChutneyLover is fat chaz trying to get us all onside so we send him nice new EE exclusives.

[The Boofon]

Dont fall for it Boof.

 

ChutneyLover is fat chaz trying to get us all onside so we send him nice new EE exclusives.

 

That's harsh if it's not true.

 

What happened to that fat bastard's smiley anyway?

 

I canna see it. All I can see is this one which is good enough.

[tup]

Chutney is code for 'pie'.

[Henry]

 

Also, who the fuck is Cameron Stout? Did I miss the journalism qualification requirement to be a random bloke who is in pantomime?

 

Orcadian.

 

Former winner of Big Brother.

 

Possible gaylord.

 

 

 

[tup]

No fucking possible about it

[daytripping]

Who is the blond bint who does the celeb page, think her name is Alison Rennie, is she famous for something outwith her page in the paper? she wrote that she google's herself to see what people are writing about her!

 

I thought when she moved to London to "follow her dream" and get a job on a celeb mag that would be the end of her but we now have regular updates of how she's getting on in London.....who gives a feck!

 

Cameron stout can feck off as well, one time big brother contestant, now regular columnist.

 

The worst has to be the begbie bloke though, what utter tripe he speaks.

 

If it wasn't for the meal reviews at various pubs and restaurants I'd stop buying it.

[tup]

You get a one-off meal review on a Saturday in the Depressing Journal.

[Henry]

Cameron stout can feck off as well, one time big brother contestant, now regular columnist.

 

Winner.

The worst has to be the begbie bloke though, what utter tripe he speaks.

 

 

 

"See that fat Charlie Allan cunt"

 

I'd buy the EE if Begbie had a column.

[The Boofon]

Who is the blond bint who does the celeb page, think her name is Alison Rennie, is she famous for something outwith her page in the paper? she wrote that she google's herself to see what people are writing about her!

 

I thought when she moved to London to "follow her dream" and get a job on a celeb mag that would be the end of her but we now have regular updates of how she's getting on in London.....who gives a feck!

 

Cameron stout can feck off as well, one time big brother contestant, now regular columnist.

 

The worst has to be the begbie bloke though, what utter tripe he speaks.

 

If it wasn't for the meal reviews at various pubs and restaurants I'd stop buying it.

 

 

The meal reviews that gave Skippers 28/30?

[Dynamo]

Who is the blond bint who does the celeb page, think her name is Alison Rennie, is she famous for something outwith her page in the paper? she wrote that she google's herself to see what people are writing about her!

 

I thought when she moved to London to "follow her dream" and get a job on a celeb mag that would be the end of her but we now have regular updates of how she's getting on in London.....who gives a feck!

 

Cameron stout can feck off as well, one time big brother contestant, now regular columnist.

The worst has to be the begbie bloke though, what utter tripe he speaks.

 

If it wasn't for the meal reviews at various pubs and restaurants I'd stop buying it.

 

Harcus is mates with him.

[daytripping]

To be fair you do get a great fish supper in Skippers, I always go for the jumbo haddock with chips and mushy peas, side order of white bread to boot!

 

Food of the gods min, eaten whilst overlooking Aberdeen beach.

 

Why didn't it get 30/30?