Disastrous Interviews

[BrianFaePerth]

Currently on the lookout for a new joab, and had an interview a day for the past 4 days, (been to the "Physio" a lot lately in my work's calendar).

 

Anyways, yesterday's was, on paper, a long-shot. A The Boofon type role (minus the hiding in cupboards in the desert). Eh have worked wi HSE types, ken their scam, and want in. My application and CV gave no hint of previous experience, just a desire to be a know-it-all cunt. Eh even mailed them before sending my application to check if my qualifications would be enough, they said send in your details.

 

There were 16 applicants, and 4 called for interviews. Somehow my name was one of them. So it had me thinking maybe eh had misinterpreted the requirements and my lack of experience was no big deal, or the fowk interviewing me were in for an awfy disappointment.

 

Unfortunately it was the latter, within 10 minutes they clued in to the fact eh kent nothing about the joab and no amount of positivity was going tae dae anything about it. They went thru the motions and after 20 minutes called an abrupt halt to proceedings saying they we had both misunderstood each other and the interview was a mistake. Eh pointed out everything was clear in my CV and my original mail had encouraged me to apply.

 

This led to me being escorted from the premises tout-suite

 

So, anyone else had a disastrous interview?

[a don in oz]

I have had one that beats that I think.

 

Turned up for an interview here in Oz about 11 years ago. For some tech/web firm. Developer position probably, can't remember now.

 

Walked in, got taken to a small meeting room with table and sat down. Glass of water brought for me by the receptionist.

 

Few minutes later, bloke walks in... says hello, shake hand, I say hello back, he walks out.

 

Few minutes later the receptionist comes in, looking pretty flustered, holding a sheaf of paper and sits down opposite me.

 

"I'll be giving the interview today" she says.

 

Right.

 

She tried and I made it easy for her and laughed a bit and asked her, "your boss a bit of an arse then, and doesn't want to interview me but decided to make life difficult for you then right?"

 

She went bright red.

 

"No problem. Thank you for your time." I am polite to a fault and off I went.

 

Never had such a gutless (and I guess racist since I looked like he did... but with an accent) twat for an interviewer.

 

Was quite delighted some time later to see them go out of business. Not that I'm vindictive.

[a don in oz]

Or the interview for another tech company where they presented a "logical thinking/problem solving" exercise... gave me something and I had to show how I would attempt to solve it.

 

I've had that kind of thing before and since but this one was brazenly that the cheeky cunts had a problem they couldn't fix and were wanting freebie ideas from the interviewees. I realised it straight up given how intently they were reading my solution and kept on grilling me about it. Ridiculous, painful.

 

I wasn't that keen on the place because the interviewees were two of the principles and they seemed overly clueless so set my asking price pretty high and off I went.

 

Got the thanks but no thanks later and the rationale was they had hired a graduate for about half what I asked for. That seldom works out eh. Few months later I got a call asking if I was still interested at the rate I had asked for. The graduate didn't work out. Hah.

 

 

[BrianFaePerth]

There seems to be something about tech companies...

 

Currently waiting to hear fae a company where eh have had two fantastic interviews, both times the burds were singing my praises and practically sucking my cock.

 

But, the man that decides hasn't shown up to either interview, provides questions for them, and when a question is unclear, all they can say is "um, that's all that's written here".

 

Eh then got a call on Friday asking if eh had some tech skills that are not listed as a requirement or even a nice-to-have. "Nope, fraid not" says me, "oh that might be a problem" was the answer.

 

Either way, after a 6 week process, the guy who decides has still not lowered himself to talk to the applicants.

[davieb]

Being a contractor, I've had lots of interviews and my success rate is high, probably because I give as good as I get. If they want me to work there then they better be a forward thinking organisation, that treats it's staff well and has some sort of clue as to what they are doing.

 

Plenty of classic interviews, but the standard inexperienced interviewers that really get me going, are the twats who are interviewing you for a three month contract throwing the trickiest questions at you. These questions covers problems that would never be applied in a day to day job, but just to prove how much "smarter" they are than you. The odd classic like "we see you have had a lots of jobs" or "your last job was only three months, why?". ... "I'm a contractor you fruit loop", was my response to one telephone interview.

 

Last year I let my guard down, and took on a contract in Glasgow with Northgate IS (I don't mind naming them). Utter shambles of an organisation, ran by a 30 stone project manager called Roy who really had no clue. I lasted two days and left, as the control freak wouldn't even consider listening to suggestions as to why their project was failing badly. When I told him I was not really suitable for the position he had on offer, he was surprised. I pointed out that I'm not one to come in and produce shite (no matter how much they are paying) which will no doubt rely on me working weekends and long unpaid overtime to fix, while he sits on his fat erse at home, and then thanks the staff by buying them cakes. It was also clear he was the "alpha" male in the office, and the mere suggestion that perhaps the way the project was being managed, it was a complete fuckup in waiting. The rest of the staff were the equivalent of neutered council workers, and you could feel the life being sucked out of you when ever you entered the office. Not surprisingly, the project failed. That is why I generally give the interviewers a hard time!

[a don in oz]

Yep. Never be passive in interviews. It's always good to see how the panel react when you throw the shitty questions back at them.

 

"What's the best thing about working here?"

 

To get them off guard. (Though if the bastards struggle to answer that one, RUN)

 

Followed by the obvious

 

"What's the worst thing about working here?"

 

Some of the stumbling they have is pretty awesome. Admittedly the best set of answers I got to that was when I came to work for the public health I'm at now on a project. They were all 3 of them absolutely spot on with the answers. Ended up being the best most rewarding job I've ever had while it lasted.

 

And usually interviews I breeze through with a pretty high rate of offers. But the those ones I mentioned were the doozies.

 

Also worthy was the interview that lasted 6 hours where the guy took me through all their processes almost like an induction, almost giving me a reacharound he was that eager... but then turned green when I said how much I wanted. That guy... oh dear, he actually emailed me a few times, called me, trying to get me to shift down a bit because his board wouldn't budge and then about a week later emailed me saying he'd quit the company because of their intransigence! Lucky escape for me.

 

 

 

 

[StandFree1982]

I had an interview where I turned up and receptionist told me to take a seat while I waited for them. 30 minutes later, I go to the receptionist and ask whats happening and she informs me that they aren't at the building and running late. She asked if i wanted to wait and I thought "fuck it, might as well..." so sat down again. Another 20-30 minutes pass and receptionist recieves a phone call. I'm thinking it might be from the HR woman, but no it was from the agency. The HR woman had called the AGENCY to call the receptionist to tell me that she wouldn't be able to make it and it would need to be re-arranged! They wasted an hour and a half of my time and couldn't even tell me themselves that they weren't able to make it. Told them to stuff the next interview and, thankfully, had an interview with another company which I got the job for.

[tommo1903]

Yep. Never be passive in interviews. It's always good to see how the panel react when you throw the shitty questions back at them.

 

"What's the best thing about working here?"

 

To get them off guard. (Though if the bastards struggle to answer that one, RUN)

 

Followed by the obvious

 

"What's the worst thing about working here?"

 

 

Good advice!

[K-9]

Currently on the lookout for a new joab, and had an interview a day for the past 4 days, (been to the "Physio" a lot lately in my work's calendar).

 

Anyways, yesterday's was, on paper, a long-shot. A The Boofon type role (minus the hiding in cupboards in the desert). Eh have worked wi HSE types, ken their scam, and want in. My application and CV gave no hint of previous experience, just a desire to be a know-it-all cunt. Eh even mailed them before sending my application to check if my qualifications would be enough, they said send in your details.

 

There were 16 applicants, and 4 called for interviews. Somehow my name was one of them. So it had me thinking maybe eh had misinterpreted the requirements and my lack of experience was no big deal, or the fowk interviewing me were in for an awfy disappointment.

 

Unfortunately it was the latter, within 10 minutes they clued in to the fact eh kent nothing about the joab and no amount of positivity was going tae dae anything about it. They went thru the motions and after 20 minutes called an abrupt halt to proceedings saying they we had both misunderstood each other and the interview was a mistake. Eh pointed out everything was clear in my CV and my original mail had encouraged me to apply.

 

This led to me being escorted from the premises tout-suite

 

So, anyone else had a disastrous interview?

Sounds like must be either Total, Statoil or Shell then from ending?!?!

[BrianFaePerth]

Nope, but you are in the right field. Just a wee local firm that are looking to expand.

 

The main guy who obviously misread my CV and covering letter also sent me tickets to fly to Bergen for the interview, and scheduled it originally for 4 April.

 

A hat-trick of incompetence and my comment obviously showed him up in front of his colleagues

[BrianFaePerth]

Not sure what's worse? Aspiring to be in H & S or being considered unqualified to be a boring cunt?

 

Money was my motive strangely enough.

[rgudon]

 

Money was my motive strangely enough.

 

Worse thing is any spastic can get a NEBOSH then the next minute they are captain safety on decent dough with zilcho operational experience, strange setup.

[BrianFaePerth]

Being motivated by money only is never a valid strategy. Those who sacrifice whole life for wages are misguided.

 

Eh could bore ye to tears with my work situ. Overpaid and under-appreciated being the jist of it. Money is not everything, far from it, and thats why eh am trying to get out. On the other hand, eh ken a little bit about HSE, and thought it would be a way to keep my wage and try something new. With being a little Hitler also a decent fringe benefit.

[davieb]

Being motivated by money only is never a valid strategy. Those who sacrifice whole life for wages are misguided.

 

Too many kid themselves that they put up with shite by pretending that they do their living at weekends and holidays.

 

They underestimate the intrinsic part that the working week plays on their personas.

 

Retirement-aspirers are the saddest, They wish their life away thinking the holy grail comes in their 60's, only to find their impure motives have sullied their character irrevocably. They are unable to find happiness as they never went for it for decades of their existence, pursuing only money.

 

Life is every second of every minute of every hour of every day. With that profound profundity, I'm away for a wank. Or to practise my pitching.

 

Spot on! I learned long ago to fit my work around my life, not the other way around.

[360]

I once farted loudly during a 1 on 1 interview, so I blamed the interviewer, accused her of not taking the interview seriously, and stormed out of the premises and cried myself to sleep that night.

[Ke1t]

When I was first trying to move to the US I had to have sponsorship from a company, ie. a job, before they would allow me in. I thought that was reasonable enough, given you don't want foreigners coming in and sucking up benefits, but rather coming in and contributing.

 

One IT company I had an interview with gave me a series of teleconferenced interviews to attend, which I did, thinking I had a fairly good chance of the job.

 

They wanted someone who spoke French (mine was piss poor, but hey, a bit of a refresher and you're ordering snails in butter with garlic bread from a faggot called Pierre in a Parisian brothel, while wearing a string of onions round your neck, a stripey jumper, and pedaling a shitty bike along a street full of stinking, greasy Frenchmen, eating 3 foot long pieces of bread and drinking wine so thick you could stand a spoon up in it amirite?) (they had a client in Quebec, apparently), coded in COBOL, and various other boxes which I checked. Unfortunately the two boxes I didn't check were being Black and being from an African country. At that time they were "Only accepting African applicants".

 

I was told this during my final interview, and so I essentially accused their company of racism, based on the fact that they were fucking racists.

 

"That seems like an overtly racist policy." were more or less my exact words to the interviewer, who assured me it wasn't racist because it wasn't.

 

I'm sure that put paid to what miniscule chance I had of being hired, but fuck it... you tell someone, "Yeah, you're white. Can't hire you." I mean actually come out and SAY that... you're not going to go, "Oh, yeah... I'll work on that."

 

It became apparent after moving here that there are indeed companies who, let's say favour certain candidates based purely on the colour of their skin. Fortunately this isn't racist because black folks they aren't racist, you see?

[granite sheep]

Once droppped anchor mid interview due to nerves/previous night's Vindaloo. Was a real blaster, and I tried to make on that it wisnae me by moving around in the leater chair. Unfortunately, smells dinna lie.....

[StandFree1982]

Once droppped anchor mid interview due to nerves/previous night's Vindaloo. Was a real blaster, and I tried to make on that it wisnae me by moving around in the leater chair. Unfortunately, smells dinna lie.....

Sorry min I meant to plus you and gave you a negative instead.

[360]

Sorry min I meant to plus you and gave you a negative instead.

 

I've added another -1 just to compound your mistake.