Jump to content

Mindnumbingly Stupid Things You've Seen Or Heard

granite sheep

By granite sheep,
in The Pub

Recommended Posts

granite sheep Newbie

granite sheep

Posted
Posted

To get the ball rolling...

Last time I went to Florida ~2001, random guy I'm chatting to in queue for Dr Dooms Free fall at Islands Of Adventure asks me where I'm from.

Me: "Aberdeen, Scotland"

Random: "Whoo Scatland, where in England is that"

Me: <Ho hum, another ignorant fuck> "It's not a part of England bud"

Random: "Oh. So what state is it in?"

Me: "a fucking shit state"

Random: "So it's in France then?????????"

Me: <trying like fuck not to punch him for his stupidity> "Aye bud, fit ever you say"

 

And said random proved just what a minker he really was by gobbing on the floor whilst we were waiting for launch on said attraction.

Link to comment

Redstar Rookie

Redstar

Posted
Posted

The chopper I was on got diverted to Weegieland Airport as Aberdeen was fogbound ...we were walking thru arrivals in our survival suites when an old American lady asked me ..."are you the bomb squad?"...the yank propaganda and watching too much TV had obviously worked...she was quite literally "living in fear"

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Ke1t Grand Master

Ke1t

Posted
Posted

I've been asked if Europe is in Scotland.

 

I was also called a dick for telling someone the Loch Ness Monster is just a tourist ploy. I can only think it was because this lad firmly believed in the magic of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Loch Ness Monster, and when one of them is discredited then his faith in the others is also shaken.

 

And any time I hear someone thank 'god' when a surgeon or a rescue party saves them. You might want to thank the surgeon or the rescue party, you fucking cunt.

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
granite sheep Newbie

granite sheep

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Start of last month, 4am in the Union St taxi rank Idiot American wifie behind me in a taxi queue tried to get me arrested for "skipping in front of her to comfort a woman" when I was actually several people in front of her and was trying to get my latest pull into a cab: coppers couldn't stop laughing at this woman.

 

To be honest, the second time, when me and me shag was getting the car, said yank did call yon burd a whore, which did make me resort to my "Outdoor Voice" and telling her to FUCK OFF, which made the coppers fall abut laughing even more. By fuck, that woman was certifiable, how petty can you get over who gets a taxi in a rank?

Link to comment
Sheeptastic Experienced

Sheeptastic

Posted
Posted

To get the ball rolling...

Last time I went to Florida ~2001, random guy I'm chatting to in queue for Dr Dooms Free fall at Islands Of Adventure asks me where I'm from.

Me: "Aberdeen, Scotland"

Random: "Whoo Scatland, where in England is that"

Me: <Ho hum, another ignorant fuck> "It's not a part of England bud"

Random: "Oh. So what state is it in?"

Me: "a fucking shit state"

Random: "So it's in France then?????????"

Me: <trying like fuck not to punch him for his stupidity> "Aye bud, fit ever you say"

 

And said random proved just what a minker he really was by gobbing on the floor whilst we were waiting for launch on said attraction.

Had this rubbish all the time when I lived in the States. It was a nightmare. Here are a few examples:

 

  • Woman realised I was Scottish and said, "Oh you're Scottish? My dog is a Scottish terrier." - Eh whit?
  • A ginger guy came up to me in a book store and asked if he could help. I said, "Nah mate, just browsing cheers." He asks where I'm from, I tell him Scotland. He then says in a broad American accent, "Oh I'm Irish" and points to his ginger mullet. - I told him he wasn't Irish and then he went on about someone in his family line being Irish.
  • A girl on one of the teams I coached asked if we had water filters in Scotland before enquiring as to whether that was why I moved. - :suicide:

 

There are many more. A strange people are the Yanks. A pretty idiotic people too.

Link to comment
RAZOR Grand Master

RAZOR

Posted
Posted

I once overheard a yank tourist on the royal mile in Edinburgh while pointing to the castle ask his tour guide " did they put that there for the festival"

I once heard one say 'Why did they build the rail track so close to the castle'

 

Many people have asked the dreaded question. The question that you just have to put your head in your hands and think 'dearie, dearie me'. I'm sure everyone on this forum has been asked the same.

 

'If you had to support one of Celtic and Rangers, who would it be'

 

'Neither'

 

'But if you had to'

 

'Neither, I wouldn't chose'

 

'No but if you haddddd to.....'

 

:clangers2:

Link to comment
Ke1t Grand Master

Ke1t

Posted
Posted

I once heard one say 'Why did they build the rail track so close to the castle'

 

Many people have asked the dreaded question. The question that you just have to put your head in your hands and think 'dearie, dearie me'. I'm sure everyone on this forum has been asked the same.

 

'If you had to support one of Celtic and Rangers, who would it be'

 

'Neither'

 

'But if you had to'

 

'Neither, I wouldn't chose'

 

'No but if you haddddd to.....'

 

:clangers2:

 

The answer being, of course, that they put the Castle in AFTER the railtracks, so that tourists would see it on their way in and out of Edinburgh.

 

I was once heading back to Aberdeen on the train after a week in the wilds, where I'd managed to catch food poisoning, and I was sweating, shitting, and spewing like I had the Ebolas. I was clearly ill as fuck, but the American couple sitting across from me was insistently asking me the name of every single even remotely 'castley' looking structure between Edinburgh and Aberdeen.

 

I just wanted to sleep if I could, but these cunts made it their mission to keep me awake and engaged.

 

Took me a long time to stop hating Americans after that incident, I can fucking tell you.

Link to comment
dervish Mentor

dervish

Posted
Posted

Yon line in The Rock aye bugged the fuck outta me, the bit when a Marine is beating up Sean Connery: "English prick, did I tell you my dad was Irish?"

 

Then again nobody watches a Michael Bay movie for logical dialogue.

 

Hated that too. It's a baw bag doubler.

 

French ex-gf used to believe in the loch ness monster. Though also thought it was *the* "Loch". That is to say that the monster was called the "Loch". It's hard to explain but she said things such as "I'm not totally sure there is a Loch but it's very dark here, there is something I'm sure." while on a boat in the middle of Loch Ness... after being told many times the Loch is the fucking water.

 

Theres an older guy at work who is a pushy cunt. Certain he right all of the time when at best he has a 20% hit rate. Every day, on multiple occasions, he starts off forcefully starting off correcting folk. Taking 10-20mins to have it explained to him he's talking shite. Then say the exact opposite of his initial point to agree as if it was what he meant. Yet also amazingly still say it wrong enough to make you sure he still fucking doesn't get it.

Link to comment
lukas989 Newbie

lukas989

Posted
Posted

I brought up a google map on screen for a guy who needed directions - was in the process of loading the printer with paper to allow him to have a copy,only to turn round and witness him holding a piece of paper against the monitor, tracing the route. He got lost, the dumb cunt.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
dervish Mentor

dervish

Posted
Posted

Dervish there was a boy I knew like that and recall some boy really getting it right up him,

After the know all had spielled his shite, the boy on the receiving end reached out shook his hand and said

" well, it was nice to meet some count that knows fucking everything"

 

I'm tempted to just leave him speaking nonsense. It's getting tiring. Only thing is it's work so its not the best folk getting important things completely wrong with complete confidence.

 

Tracing paper google is amazing. I remember when I installed a computer for my uncle and auntie. They couldn't get it to work. Problem was the pointer would stop before they could get to somethings. Went back round and after a bit of head scratching realised they didn't know you could lift the mouse on the mouse mat (or even put it on the table). "we just thought it was the edge"

Link to comment
BrianFaePerth Grand Master

BrianFaePerth

Posted
Posted

Having worked in the shipping sector, there's been many a time where eh have needed info fae a Captain. Asking for a screenshot of something has often resulted in him getting his mobile out and taking a picture of the screen, then having to mail it to his work mail via a satellite, and then sending it to me, again thru a satellite :clangers2:

Link to comment
CrazyBullSheep Enthusiast

CrazyBullSheep

Posted
Posted

Not sure if this fits in this thread but here goes....

 

So, last week the wee weegie fenian came on board as my opposite on the rig, he is on nightshift. He comes on all excited about the game on Sunday and then tells me that he will be getting up for the game as he is sure the fitness levels of racellic will be far su BLAH BLAH BLAH......

 

Anyway I said to him that he will need all his sleep as he will be busy that night (made sure he fucking was after the game) so he should probably just watch the highlights later in the day.

he replies..........

 

"Aww naw man I love getting up, in fact its really great when i wake up and i check my watch, and its still 3 oors tae get up but"

 

"in fact I cant get a good sleep unless i wake up 3 or 4 times in a night"

 

Yesterday I called the cunts room at random times all through the day.

 

Turns out the wee prick doesn't like it one bit

 

Ha Ha

  • Upvote 6
Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...