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Made Up Excuses For Getting Off Of Work


Bad_Mobby

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Got lifted down at Tannadice, and had to go to court (was in the Utd end and shoved a pie in an Arabs face) had an work audit the day of court that I HAD to be there for 

Excuse - Granny died 

One of my first trips offshore, been hammering the D.R.U.G.S for days beforehand (MDMA/Ectos/Coke) massive paranoia kicked in  (thinking everyone knew I was wasted and I was going to get tested)  then some lass I’d boned told me she might have chlamydia - got myself on the next chopper hame 

Excuse - Granny died 

Up all night drinking, sniffing coke, smoking crack - drove to work, boss said I looked terrible - told him I wasn’t feeling that great and if possible I would like to go home…

Excuse - Flu symptoms 

Boss phoned me up in the bar one day and told me that I’d have to go to Holland for a job and hire a car at Schipol to drive north to Leewarden (or fitiver) 

Excuse - Forgot how to drive 

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I phoned last December and told them I was too pissed to come in. Boss phoned back later and said please just tell me anything else, anything. Can’t do right for doing wrong sometimes.
 

Had a diarrhoea episode last year from drinking contaminated water in the hills, I said. Was just away camping as it was scorching. 

Got an MRI on my knee once, used that for a few months too - dodgy knee. 

no shame in the pursuit of a day off. 

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Bloke I used to work with phoned in sick because he caught his penis in his trouser zip after a pish and couldn't free himself. 3 days he was off with that. 

Me, I've got this thing where I genuinely have a fear of phoning in sick in case Karma gives me a cancer. It's a psychological thing. Ive turned up loads of times when I really should have stayed off. eg coughing up blood about 20 years ago but still ventured in. 

Im a wank. 

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1 minute ago, Sooper-hanz said:

Bloke I used to work with phoned in sick because he caught his penis in his trouser zip after a pish and couldn't free himself. 3 days he was off with that. 

Me, I've got this thing where I genuinely have a fear of phoning in sick in case Karma gives me a cancer. It's a psychological thing. Ive turned up loads of times when I really should have stayed off. eg coughing up blood about 20 years ago but still ventured in. 

Im a wank. 

I used to turn up just to show face then fuck off and sleep in a lay-by (that’s when I was my own boss) 

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I strung my old work along for years with the old "stress" routine. 6 months off full pay, staged return (one day a week then 2 days a week etc) which I'd string out "not ready for 3 days can I just do 2 again) then a few weeks off with the holidays I accumulated while off sick, couple of months full time then as soon as I was entitled to full pay again I'd go straight to the Doc for a sick line.

Went on for about 4 years. I used to be a shop steward so I knew the absence procedure and how to play it very well.

My old boss tried to fuck me over big time, he was a cunt of a man, so I didn't feel even remotely guilty. He knew exactly what I was doing and why I was doing it but he was totally fucked. They even paid for me to go to counselling, Tony Soprano style.

Bunch of cunts.

 

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11 minutes ago, manboobs109 said:

I strung my old work along for years with the old "stress" routine. 6 months off full pay, staged return (one day a week then 2 days a week etc) which I'd string out "not ready for 3 days can I just do 2 again) then a few weeks off with the holidays I accumulated while off sick, couple of months full time then as soon as I was entitled to full pay again I'd go straight to the Doc for a sick line.

Went on for about 4 years. I used to be a shop steward so I knew the absence procedure and how to play it very well.

My old boss tried to fuck me over big time, he was a cunt of a man, so I didn't feel even remotely guilty. He knew exactly what I was doing and why I was doing it but he was totally fucked. They even paid for me to go to counselling, Tony Soprano style.

Bunch of cunts.

 

Did you not feel bad taking the money if you were at it?

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4 minutes ago, Poodler said:

The suits at the top take more than yer common opportunist 

Ach I know, I think it's just the way my old man was and how he brought us up. I still feel him looking down on me and shaking his head when Im considering pulling a sickie. 

He's no deid by the way, he just sits on top of the wardrobe.

 

 

( nah he is deid)

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3 minutes ago, manboobs109 said:

Did I fuck. There was a big, boring story behind it all. I really should've just left and sued for constructive dismissal but I got much more satisfaction(and money) doing it my way.

I know,I've had a few colleagues over the years who have pulled the same stunt. As one guy put it he just couldn't face going back after being off for so long and it was too easy to extend the sick leave every couple of weeks. 

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