"Ick" List

[styrofoamplates]

10 hours ago, Poodler said:

Instructions unclear 

 

penetrated the baby 

 

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

17 hours ago, CCB III said:

At uni a mate of mine ate a packet of those old school Bon-Bon's and took an entirely green shit. 
 

I'll never forget it. Beautiful. 

A lovely anecdote full of mirth, nostalgia, and vibrancy.

Did you wipe his arse for him after he'd deposited the goods and that's the reason you why you know his defecation was entirely green?🤔

[Don Fonte]

1 minute ago, CCB III said:

He took a photo to show us, of course. 
 

As men of curiosity and science we all had to have a look. 

The only thing you're curious about is your sexuality sunshine.

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

4 hours ago, The Boofon said:

A far better Icke list. 
 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Icke

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reptilian_conspiracy_theory
 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reincarnation

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_attraction_(New_Thought)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ancient_astronauts

A bloody ledge. Be a few moon howlers on here down a rabbit hole after reading some of those links. 

A good goalkeeper back in the day until arthritis sadly fucked up his fitba' career.

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

6 minutes ago, CCB III said:

He took a photo to show us, of course. 
 

As men of curiosity and science we all had to have a look. 

An odd friend you have as part of your social circles, CCB min. 

I wonder how your mate played his icebreaker card to start the conversation of his latest dump......

"Do you know what boys? (Snort, cue fake guffaw, guffaw) I have just had the most amazing defecation and I have even taken a photograph of it. Do you want to see it? (More snorting, followed by nervous guffawing.)

(Group: Chortle, chortle). "Of course. Oooo, gosh, that is so beautiful, texturous, and green, Miles. You should upload it to Facers and see how many likes you get (Cue collective fake hysterical laughing).

It's only curiosity and science, my friend, when you require to provide a sample of your stool to your surgery in order for it to be examined, prior to being provided with a diagnosis by your GP for a health concern you've raised.

[manboobs109]

7 minutes ago, Matt Armstrong's Dog said:

An odd friend you have as part of your social circles, CCB min. 

I wonder how your mate played his icebreaker card to start the conversation of his latest dump......

"Do you know what boys? (Snort, cue fake guffaw, guffaw) I have just had the most amazing defecation and I have even taken a photograph of it. Do you want to see it? (More snorting, followed by nervous guffawing.)

(Group: Chortle, chortle). "Of course. Oooo, gosh, that is so beautiful, texturous, and green, Miles. You should upload it to Facers and see how many likes you get (Cue collective fake hysterical laughing).

It's only curiosity and science, my friend, when you require to provide a sample of your stool to your surgery in order for it to be examined, prior to being provided with a diagnosis by your GP for a health concern you've raised.

TBF to Consi's mate I've told my green shite story hundreds of times. Didn't take a photo though(pre camera phone age)

[Parklife]

13 minutes ago, Matt Armstrong's Dog said:

An odd friend you have as part of your social circles, CCB min. 

I wonder how your mate played his icebreaker card to start the conversation of his latest dump......

"Do you know what boys? (Snort, cue fake guffaw, guffaw) I have just had the most amazing defecation and I have even taken a photograph of it. Do you want to see it? (More snorting, followed by nervous guffawing.)

(Group: Chortle, chortle). "Of course. Oooo, gosh, that is so beautiful, texturous, and green, Miles. You should upload it to Facers and see how many likes you get (Cue collective fake hysterical laughing).

It's only curiosity and science, my friend, when you require to provide a sample of your stool to your surgery in order for it to be examined, prior to being provided with a diagnosis by your GP for a health concern you've raised.

Too far, bud. 

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

3 minutes ago, manboobs109 said:

TBF to Consi's mate I've told my green shite story hundreds of times. Didn't take a photo though(pre camera phone age)

😄😄. A delivery of a green shite is special, Moobs loon. Consi's mate taking a photo of it, reminiscing in the glory of an abnormal natural phenomenon processed by his anatomy, is a step too far though.

Mind you, I've heard of folk posting pictures on FB of their bairn's first dump, so maybe it's normal, socially-accepted behaviour nowadays.🤔

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

4 minutes ago, Parklife said:

Too far, bud. 

Perhaps, min but with a touch of joviality included.

It's just a reflection of how my mind is operating today. No harm meant at all.

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

1 minute ago, CCB III said:

I dunno, MAD. 
 

He just took a green shite and thought we'd find that amusing. 
 

We did, as a bunch of 19/20 year olds. 
 

If he sent it in the group chat now I'm not so sure it would be received the same. You're overthinking it, buddy 

Aye, I am that min, to be fair.👍

I've too much time nowadays to think, reflect, and consider "what might have been", that's all. 

We all develop, mature (in most cases), and move on over time loon.

[sigh]

4 minutes ago, Matt Armstrong's Dog said:

Aye, I am that min, to be fair.👍

I've too much time nowadays to think, reflect, and consider "what might have been", that's all. 

We all develop, mature (in most cases), and move on over time loon.

Start being more positive, start thinking of what this year might bring instead of looking back on what might have been.

Now, nip out to the shops, but a pack of blue bon bons and see what happens, we dont need the pictures but am sure you will tell us the results.

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

10 minutes ago, sigh said:

Start being more positive, start thinking of what this year might bring instead of looking back on what might have been.

Now, nip out to the shops, but a pack of blue bon bons and see what happens, we dont need the pictures but am sure you will tell us the results.

😄😄👍.

I've already nipped oot to the local Co-op earlier on min, so that's me at peace (hopefully) at home for the rest of today. 

Remember my old man used to sell them chewy bonbons at his cash and carry business in the 80s. I've nae seen them since though (a bit like that other lovely confectionery, scum bananas).

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

24 minutes ago, CCB III said:

I still find shite funny. And farts. 

You would get on well with my brother. He used to watch in his early 20s (nae anymore) Church of Fudge videos. Very grim.

However, he still has a penchant for farts.

[milne_afc]

28 minutes ago, CCB III said:

I still find shite funny. And farts. 

Noisier the better. Bonus points for lingering pungency.

Proud log pics get a good reaction too

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

12 minutes ago, milne_afc said:

Noisier the better. Bonus points for lingering pungency.

Proud log pics get a good reaction too

Lumberjacks would agree.

[Jocky Balboa]

That list confirms what many men have said about postmodern feminists; they are impossible to please. 🤔🤣

[chief_wiggum]

Sure their used to be a thread on here along the lines of " Have you ever shit yourself?" which had some hilarious scat related tales.

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

16 minutes ago, CCB III said:

Is your brother thon Tim from the classic threads? 

😄 Eh, no.

He's a Dandy as well min. 👍

[DD1903]

3 hours ago, CCB III said:

I dunno, MAD. 
 

He just took a green shite and thought we'd find that amusing. 
 

We did, as a bunch of 19/20 year olds. 
 

If he sent it in the group chat now I'm not so sure it would be received the same. You're overthinking it, buddy 

My mates and I are considerably older than you and we'd still find it funny.

[DD1903]

29 minutes ago, chief_wiggum said:

Sure their used to be a thread on here along the lines of " Have you ever shit yourself?" which had some hilarious scat related tales.

I think it's in the classic threads section 

 

in fact. Maybe not!

[DD1903]

4 minutes ago, CCB III said:

To be honest, mines probably would as well. 
 

I was just trying to appear like I wasn't a total child. 
 

I very much am. 

Stay that way. 

[Ke1t]

So, going by that list, basically everything pisses women off about men, and unless you look like Brad Pitt and have a seven or eight figure portfolio her cunt is on offer to the highest bidder. 

And what are they bringing to the table? They can't even play fitba properly. 

[Ke1t]

5 minutes ago, Studebaker-90 said:

Big melons hopefully 

That's actually a very good point. 

[DD1903]

2 hours ago, CCB III said:

Ok dad 

You’ll look back in years to come and think, “that random guy on that weird aberdeen page was right!”

[Jocky Balboa]

6 hours ago, Studebaker-90 said:

Big melons hopefully 

They ARE the table, according to many postmodern feminists. 

[Howard Marks]

My pal's wife takes great delight in "correcting" nouns and pronouns mid conversation. Interrupts any and every discussion to tell off the person for saying he, she or they in the "incorrect" manner. If you dare use the terms girls, lassies, females or women in a way she doesn't like then she will let you know about it. She even does it with her own family, interrupting her own dad if she feels his pronouns or collective nouns are incorrect.

I think it's a control and elitist thing.

She's also a teacher. 

[Simply Red]

She’ll surely stop when someone tells her to shut her fucking mouth

[milne_afc]

Sounds like Howard needs to walk out on that hoe 

[Poodler]

Anyone here ever been told off for using a wrong pronoun? 
 

genuinely never seen it happen. Never really around those sorts of people (intentionally).

Will always say ‘morning ladies’ when oot at the beach etc (to ladies) and waiting for the day someone bites back in anger 

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

1 hour ago, Howard Marks said:

My pal's wife takes great delight in "correcting" nouns and pronouns mid conversation. Interrupts any and every discussion to tell off the person for saying he, she or they in the "incorrect" manner. If you dare use the terms girls, lassies, females or women in a way she doesn't like then she will let you know about it. She even does it with her own family, interrupting her own dad if she feels his pronouns or collective nouns are incorrect.

I think it's a control and elitist thing.

She's also a teacher. 

She sounds a right, condescending, snobby, domineering cow min (no offence to your pal). 

The sort of person I enjoy in taking down a gypsy's peg set or two.

The next time she is round by your hoose for a dram, spike her drink with some washing-up liquid (well stirred, of course) so it blends seamlessly into the drink she wishes. Perfect if she is a Creme de Menthe or a Cointreau drinker.

Then relax, sit back, and quietly revel in her hypochondria and irrational behaviour that she believes she has some sort of unusual illness, symptoms of which are frothing at the mouth, loss of taste, heart palpitations, hypohydrosis, etc.