Top 5

[Ramandu]

26 minutes ago, perthshirered said:

 

5. The other ane that's so shite it doesn't get a real name. 

 

You mean your ring finger? It's called a "ring finger".

Obviously not for those who want to stay free and don't want to be tied down (are scared of commitment).

[GRECOSSE]

Things you really shouldn’t like to eat

Foie gras (with honey)

lescargots in a garlic butter

Pork scratching

Potted meat

A whole packet of marzipan eaten slowly with a knife 

[Dad]

Top 5 Wives:

1. Hilary Clinton

2. Mia Farrow

3. J-Lo

4. Jackie Onassis

5. KT Tungstall

[BrianFaePerth]

Top 5 beasts

 

1 Dad

2 Poodles

3 Mobby

4 Dad

5 Dad

[Dad]

Top 5 Chives:

1. Common 

2. Garlic 

3. Giant Siberian 

4. Hooker's 

5. Blue

 

[Dad]

Top 5 Clive's:

1. Sinclair

2. Anderson

3. James

4. Mendonca

5. Barker 

[Redmist1903]

8 hours ago, Hagi's pubic hair said:

Top 5 worst UK accents

Welsh

Northern Irish male

Welsh

Cunts from Easterhouse in Glasgow

Brummie 

1. Scouse

2. Scouse

3. Scouse

4. Scouse

5. Nasal Glaswegian 

[redone]

 A wee early morning teaser for the Hatters…. Guess what the topic of this Top 5 is

1.  Fried

2. Scrambled

3. Poached

4. Soft-boiled

5. Hard-boiled 

[NEM]

9 hours ago, Dad said:

Top 5 Knives:

1. Nakiri Bocho

2. Santoku

3. Dagger

4. Butter

5. Bread

Stabby old cunt

[NEM]

9 hours ago, RAZOR said:

1. Brannigans

2. Discos

3. Nik Naks

4. Flamin Hot Cheetos

5. McCoys

Walkers Max jalapeño and cheese

S&V discos

Brannigans

Space Raiders

Monster Munch

[Studebaker-90]

Top 5 types of poo

1. Ones that leave huge skids 

2. Ghostys (no wipe)

3. Logs with sweetcorn 

4. After coffee fast ones 

5. Ones that are different shades of brown throughout 

[milne_afc]

26 minutes ago, Studebaker-90 said:

Top 5 types of poo

You’re an adult male. It’s shit, shite or if an elderly woman is present, poops is acceptable. 
 

[BrianFaePerth]

28 minutes ago, Studebaker-90 said:

 

5. Ones that are different shades of brown throughout 

My dog is an expert at that. From a very light tan colour to Jimmy Calderwood, the colours sort of intertwine.

[Studebaker-90]

Doing a coffee one as we speak 

[Dad]

2 hours ago, NEM said:

Stabby old cunt

A dab hand in the kitchen son 🤚

[Studebaker-90]

Just now, Sooper-hanz said:

What on gods earth is a coffee shite? 

When you have your morning coffee it gets your bowels moving and it comes out hard and fast, leaving an almighty mess. 

[GRECOSSE]

21 hours ago, Beachend Bootboy said:

Top 5 swear words.

 

1) Cunt

2) Wanker

3) Bastard

4) Cunt again

5) Fuckin areshole (two words but I've use Cunt twice)

The OP of this thread qualifies as every one.  Fuckin' Cocksocket (bonus word).

Edgy!

Have you ever thought about a career in writing

in the immortal words of the Big Yin 

“you should get yourself an agent pal

why sit there in the dark handling yourself “

Anyway enjoy you free soup tomorrow

[Beachend Bootboy]

48 minutes ago, GRECOSSE said:

Edgy!

Have you ever thought about a career in writing

in the immortal words of the Big Yin 

“you should get yourself an agent pal

why sit there in the dark handling yourself “

Anyway enjoy you free soup tomorrow

For fuck's sake.  Is that yer best shot?  Borin' cunt. Lolz!!!!

[Zeus]

Top 5 suppers from the chipper.

1. King rib

2. Jumbo haddock

3. Mock chop

4. Spicy haggis

5. Macaroni pie

[Parklife]

2 hours ago, Zeus said:

Top 5 suppers from the chipper.

1. King rib

2. Jumbo haddock

3. Mock chop

4. Spicy haggis

5. Macaroni pie

1. Fish 

2.  Pizza Crunch 

3.  Sausage 

4. Haggis 

5. Steak Pie 

[DD1903]

Most easily quotable tv shows

partridge 

the office (US)

the office (original)

phoenix nights

simpsons (classic episodes)

 

special mention to beavis and butthead. 
 

 

 

 

[RAZOR]

47 minutes ago, Bad_Mobby said:

Easy. 
 

Fish (the others are just chasers)’

 

Have to agree. It's a hudduck supper with a chaser.

Top 5 chasers

1. Red (nae Glesga)

2. White

3. Mock chop

4. King Rib

5. Sausage (in Glesga when you get 2)

[tutankamun]

1. Milligan

2. Cleese

3. Everett

4. Sessions

5. erm…

[Misers Hill]

17 hours ago, BrianFaePerth said:

My dog is an expert at that. From a very light tan colour to Jimmy Calderwood, the colours sort of intertwine.

Certainly don't see White dog shite anymore🦈.....all eh rave back en💀

[Beachend Bootboy]

3 hours ago, Misers Hill said:

Certainly don't see White dog shite anymore🦈.....all eh rave back en💀

Bone meal.  I miss that.

[Beachend Bootboy]

5 top ways to hit some cunt.

1) Heidbutt

2) Kick in the steens

3) Poke in the eye

4) Poke in both eyes

5) Straight fingers or punch to the throat

Doon  yeh go son and don't get up, there's mare o' that.  There after, pick yer shots😁

 

[alscotoz]

Live albums

The Last Waltz

Get Your Ya Yas Out

At Folsom Prison

Nirvana unplugged

The Way to go Out

[Fridge]

4 hours ago, Beachend Bootboy said:

5 top ways to hit some cunt.

1) Heidbutt

2) Kick in the steens

3) Poke in the eye

4) Poke in both eyes

5) Straight fingers or punch to the throat

Doon  yeh go son and don't get up, there's mare o' that.  There after, pick yer shots😁

 

This is incorrect, I’ve consulted Hutch.

It’s air shot and get lamped.

[redone]

13 hours ago, tutankamun said:

1. Milligan

2. Cleese

3. Everett

4. Sessions

5. erm…

Most smug, over-rated , up-their-own-arse , so-called comedians ? ….. Ross Noble at no. 5

[Fridge]

33 minutes ago, redone said:

Most smug, over-rated , up-their-own-arse , so-called comedians ? ….. Ross Noble at no. 5

Jimmy Carr