Joke

[Tommy]

Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community.

 

After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while.

 

So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow (with a big towel) that was having difficulty breeding. This would cool her down and make her relax.

 

So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.

 

So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested.

 

After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet. The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Paddy waved the big towel.

 

They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.

 

When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice said: 'And that, me son, is how Ya waves a ****ing' towel!'

[minijc]

Nae bad Tommy, I actually laughed, for a change.

 

 

a little boy says to a priest "kiss me..kiss me" The priest says "I cant, it would be unethical. To be honest I shoudn't even be shaggin you"

 

 

Three priests are out taking three choirboys fishing, when the boat starts to sink.

"We've got to save the boys!" screams the first priest.

"f**k the boys!" roars the second.

The third looks nervously at the water flooding the boat and asks "Do you think we've got time?"

[Nig]

How does every ethnic joke begin ???????????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

with a quick look over your shoulder......

[Nig]

Nae bad Tommy, I actually laughed, for a change.

 

 

a little boy says to a priest "kiss me..kiss me" The priest says "I cant, it would be unethical. To be honest I shoudn't even be shaggin you"

 

 

Three priests are out taking three choirboys fishing, when the boat starts to sink.

"We've got to save the boys!" screams the first priest.

"f**k the boys!" roars the second.

The third looks nervously at the water flooding the boat and asks "Do you think we've got time?"

 

3 Men walk into a bar, a Poof, a Peado and a priest.

 

Not sure what the other 2 men were

[Dynamo]

3 Men walk into a bar, a Celtic fan, a Peado and a priest.

 

Not sure what the other 2 men were

[Nig]

Pedantic c**t

[Humous]

hello again ,

right i.ll set the bar quite low ; Confusius he say 'Oral sex make your day but anal sex makes your whole week . "

[tup]

'Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?'

 

'Both, this is a rape'

[wilco91]

Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community.

 

After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while.

 

So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow (with a big towel) that was having difficulty breeding. This would cool her down and make her relax.

 

So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.

 

So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested.

 

After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet. The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Paddy waved the big towel.

 

They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.

 

When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice said: 'And that, me son, is how Ya waves a ****ing' towel!'

Pissing myself laughing

[Humous]

'Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?'

 

'Both, this is a rape'

 

along that lines ;

whats short and silver and gaurantees sex ?

A certain footballer's penknife .

[forbesz1903]

'Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?'

 

'Both, this is a rape'

 

Similar to the joke I told at a wedding in Poland....

 

Girl comes up to me and starts acting all flirty, she says is that a knife in your pocket or are you just please to see me?

 

I says It's a knife... get in the van.

[Humous]

Sian Massey's new nickname is 'Just for Men'. She was only used once and now the Gray has gone....................

[tup]

How long does it take a baby to explode in a microwave?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't know, I was too busy wanking, I don't know the c**t.

[StandFr33]

hello again ,

right i.ll set the bar quite low ; Confusius he say 'Oral sex make your day but anal sex makes your whole week . "

Confucious he say "Man who walk through airport naked, going to Bangkok"

 

Confucious he say "Man who easts meat and peas on same plate is un-hygenic and Celtic fan"

[360]

Why are penguins good at racing?

 

They're always in pole position.

[RAZOR]

How do you make a pool table laugh?

 

Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.

[King Street Loon]

Here's a good een.

Langfield & Diamond are good footballers.

 

I just made that up ho ho!

[fine-n-dandy]

My wife is so fkn lazy & disgusting.

I went to the kitchen earlier & all the dishes were still in the sink unwashed from last night.

I Had to to all the way down the hall to the fkn toilet for a pish.

 

Lazy bitch!

[fine-n-dandy]

How do you stop your dog from humping yer leg?

 

Pick him up & suck his cock!

[RAZOR]

How do you stop your dog from humping yer leg?

 

Pick him up & suck his cock!

My 9 year old nephew told me that one, replacing cock with willy however. The school playground must be mental.

[Ke1t]

Paddy's going for a job interview as a lumberjack, but is trying to persuade two of his mates to go with him.

 

"Why do you need Paddy and me to go with you, Paddy." asks Paddy.

 

"Because the ad in the paper says they want Tree Fellers" says Paddy.

 

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Dan Dare is captured by Aliens, and they're going to kill him.

 

"You can't kill me." Says Dan Dare. "I'm Dan Dare."

 

"Can you prove it?" says the Alien. "Cause if you can we'll let you go."

 

"Of course." Says Dan Dare. "Land anywhere on planet Earth and ask the first person we see, and they'll tell you who I am."

 

"Fair do's." says the alien.

 

 

So they land in Ireland in the middle of the night.

 

"Oh f**k." Thinks Dan Dare. "I'm f**ked."

 

"Okay." Says the alien. "Knock on that door and see if they recognise you."

 

So Dan Dare shuffles up to the door, knocks and waits.

 

An upstairs window flies open, a woman sticks her heid oot and shouts, "Issat you Dan Dare?"

 

 

-----------------------------------

 

Six Irishmen walk into a pub....

[Quanny]

How do u know E.T is a hun?

 

He looks like 1!!

[fine-n-dandy]

My 9 year old nephew told me that one, replacing cock with willy however. The school playground must be mental.

 

We've all or most of us have heard most of the jokes on here cos we all get them emailed & texted to each other (I get dozens a day) but I posted up a couple that I had even posted on here long before the site went down because they are a couple of jokes that I remembered & liked. That's kind of the idea of the thread no? Doesn't say original jokes only does it?

I will look forward to reading all your original jokes on here in the future.

 

P.s. I am no longer allowed near the school play ground, so it's not quite as mental as it was the internet is my playground now, I use it for all sorts.

[Humous]

Two Alzheimer sufferers sitting in the kitchen. One says 'I couldn't half go an icecream'

 

the other says 'I'll get you one.'

 

He says 'You'll forget'

 

He says 'No i won't'

 

Well I want a soft serve

 

He says One soft serve coming up

 

He says You'll forget

 

He says No I won't

 

He says Well I want chocolat dipped

 

He says right one chocolat dipped soft serve

 

He says You'll forget

 

He says No i Won't

 

He says well I want a flake in it

 

He syas right one chocolat soft serve with a flake, I'm off

 

He says 'You'll forget'

 

He says I f**king won't and off he goes

 

An hour later he gets back and plonks a meat pie on the table

 

You f^cking idiot he syas,

 

What?

 

I told you you'd forget the sauce.

[arbroathowl]

Man jailed for having sex with a midget with learning disabilities.

Judge told him it wasnt big and wasnt clever.

[Humous]

tip for the Grand national

 

horse called v-neck

 

its not very fast but its a great jumper

[dervish]

Knock Knock

"Who's there?"

"Dave"

"Dave who?"

Dave holds back the tears as he realises his mother's dementia is getting worse.

[DD1903]

what do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat?

 

a 'dandy lion'...

 

 

no?!

[Big Man]

A young boy is in the bathroom with his mother while she is taking a shower. He looks over at her and asks,