Testicles

[robbo]

who in the grand evolutionary scheme of things thought these would be best placed on the outside of the body, then make them a) very tender and b) very f**king easy to hit accidentally.

 

weve all taken accidental shots to the pills and we can all agree childbirth is nothing compared to having a football smashed clean into your junk

 

i was sitting here just now flicking through the channels, dropped the remote and it seemingly defied the laws of gravity as it must have reached terminal velocity in 6 inches because it hit my left bollock at such a pace that it winded me, dropped me to the floor and left me there in pain. anyone who has sky+ will know that remote is large, heavy and shaped like a f**king viking longboat so its definitely left me rather pissed off.

 

its so easy to hit me in the nuts that i recall in the summer between leaving school and going to uni, one of the games my dickhead mates would play was to see what objects they could throw at (and hit) my ballbag. that was a very sad summer indeed.

[minijc]

Try getting a cricket ball off of them and taking a beast of a kick or knee, affa sore, tkaes you right out, got one last sunday, just above the balls thankfully but I have a big bad bruise and a wee lump above the cock, should maybe wear a nutcup to sparring.

[NorthernLights24]

who in the grand evolutionary scheme of things thought these would be best placed on the outside of the body, then make them a) very tender and b) very f**king easy to hit accidentally.

 

weve all taken accidental shots to the pills and we can all agree childbirth is nothing compared to having a football smashed clean into your junk

 

i was sitting here just now flicking through the channels, dropped the remote and it seemingly defied the laws of gravity as it must have reached terminal velocity in 6 inches because it hit my left bollock at such a pace that it winded me, dropped me to the floor and left me there in pain. anyone who has sky+ will know that remote is large, heavy and shaped like a f**king viking longboat so its definitely left me rather pissed off.

 

its so easy to hit me in the nuts that i recall in the summer between leaving school and going to uni, one of the games my dickhead mates would play was to see what objects they could throw at (and hit) my ballbag. that was a very sad summer indeed.

 

Combine that with the risks of foreskin and zippers (thankfully haven't done that in years but Jesus Christ!) and woman just don't know how lucky they are.

[Bebo]

who in the grand evolutionary scheme of things thought these would be best placed on the outside of the body, then make them a) very tender and b) very f**king easy to hit accidentally.

 

weve all taken accidental shots to the pills and we can all agree childbirth is nothing compared to having a football smashed clean into your junk

 

i was sitting here just now flicking through the channels, dropped the remote and it seemingly defied the laws of gravity as it must have reached terminal velocity in 6 inches because it hit my left bollock at such a pace that it winded me, dropped me to the floor and left me there in pain. anyone who has sky+ will know that remote is large, heavy and shaped like a f**king viking longboat so its definitely left me rather pissed off.

 

its so easy to hit me in the nuts that i recall in the summer between leaving school and going to uni, one of the games my dickhead mates would play was to see what objects they could throw at (and hit) my ballbag. that was a very sad summer indeed.

 

 

If it was inside, your wee swimmers would be deid because of the heat. It has its own temperature regulator. That's why it hangs lower when it's hot and practically goes inside when it's cold. All to protect your wee robbo's.

 

I don't mind inanimate objects and gravity interfering, it's not their fault, they have no intent or conciousness. Just got to have the humour to laugh it off.

 

It's women that have a total fucking lack of spatial awareness in the bedroom that manage to knee you in the bollocks "by accident".

 

Bloody watch what you're doing, i've never managed to knee your cunt so please afford me the same.

[minijc]

If it was inside, your wee swimmers would be deid because of the heat. It has its own temperature regulator. That's why it hangs lower when it's hot and practically goes inside when it's cold. All to protect your wee robbo's.

 

I don't mind inanimate objects and gravity interfering, it's not their fault. Just got to have the humour to laugh it off.

 

It's women that have a total f**king lack of spatial awareness in the bedroom that manage to knee you in the bollocks "by accident".

 

Bloody watch what you're doing, i've never managed to knee your c**t so please afford me the same.

I know a guy who kneed his bird in the va jay jay during his sleep, he'd been training for ages for a fight and was dreaming about it, sare een like.

[Bebo]

You canna teabag a bird with retracted testicles............possible reason maybe.

 

Also the funniest thing i ever saw was my sleeping mate getting my awake mates testicles lowered into his eye sockets.

 

I think yourself and fatshaft have a few things in common.

[minijc]

Sure its nae a wee lump above your balls which actually is your cock.

Nope, it's above the cock, really sore like but should be fine.

[Ke1t]

Chiseled looks and tight buttocks?

 

I was thinking more along the lines of a rape list

[robbo]

I don't mind inanimate objects and gravity interfering, it's not their fault, they have no intent or conciousness. Just got to have the humour to laugh it off.

 

rubbish, you never dropped or kicked anything and told it to f**k off? its like that lee evans skit when you get up in the night to go for a piss and kick a chair. its never your fault, the chair gets volleyed across the room. you walk off swearing as its lying there saying "what!!! i didnt do anything! you hit me!"

 

Bloody watch what you're doing, i've never managed to knee your c**t so please afford me the same.

 

i think thats going on my coat of arms when i get around to making one. have to be in latin so it looks clever but then the joke would be missed by millions..

 

 

im starting to think men are idiots actually. we as creators, make everything hip high. the right height to smack your cherries if your not paying this item 100% attention.

 

im now reminded of a folding bed i used on holiday when i was about 12. wheeled it into "my room". it folded up like a hospital bed would with the stands at the corners. you immediately know where this is going. got it in there, moved stuff out of its way, turned to start wheeling it again, corner of the stand straight in the balls.

 

weve all got thousands of stories like these and every one of us knows that specific noise men make when theyve caught one in the balls. that bwuuuuuuuggggghhhh noise followed by a thud as the guy collapses to his knees

[Ke1t]

You've got me all wrong you crazy yank!

 

No a Yanky Doodle Kelty yet... though I sent off my 700 buck and been to the Fed building to get my prints tooken. Within the next couple of months I'll be tested on my knowledge of the US, made to swear an oath of allegiance to the flag, and then I get an appointment to have that portion of my brain that deals with common sense, human decency, geographic and historic knowledge and a limit to the amount I eat, burned out by lazers.

 

Anyway.. don't you try to tell me you hinna got a list, ye daft rapist

[danger_mouse]

You canna teabag a bird with retracted testicles............possible reason maybe.

 

Also the funniest thing i ever saw was my sleeping mate getting my awake mates testicles lowered into his eye sockets.

 

 

thats not teabagging

[stef]

What is teabagging ?

[madjockmcferson]

who in the grand evolutionary scheme of things thought these would be best placed on the outside of the body, then make them a) very tender and b) very f**king easy to hit accidentally.

 

weve all taken accidental shots to the pills and we can all agree childbirth is nothing compared to having a football smashed clean into your junk

 

i was sitting here just now flicking through the channels, dropped the remote and it seemingly defied the laws of gravity as it must have reached terminal velocity in 6 inches because it hit my left bollock at such a pace that it winded me, dropped me to the floor and left me there in pain. anyone who has sky+ will know that remote is large, heavy and shaped like a f**king viking longboat so its definitely left me rather pissed off.

 

its so easy to hit me in the nuts that i recall in the summer between leaving school and going to uni, one of the games my dickhead mates would play was to see what objects they could throw at (and hit) my ballbag. that was a very sad summer indeed.

 

I think the technical answer has something to do with keeping the sperm at the right temperature.

[BrianFaePerth]

I get an appointment to have that portion of my brain that deals with common sense, human decency, geographic and historic knowledge and a limit to the amount I eat, burned out by lazers.

 

 

At which point ye'll be welcomed back on Ab-Mad as a moderator.