I Am America!

[Ke1t]

I'm now officially a Yank. Went to some Synagogue today, along with.... ironically, I thought.... about a hundred Arabs to get sworn in. There's something about seeing a synagogue swarming with Arabs to make you feel pretty f**king uneasy... I'd equate it to seeing a coachload of Hearts supporters turn up at your nursery one day... you're just not convinced that nothing bad is going to happen. In fact it probably will, so best get your business conducted as fast as possible and get the f**k out before the jihad starts. That might sound ignorant, but remember, I'm an American now.

 

So now I can legally vote for the next guy who's going to bomb the f**k out of the Brown folks, I can own a gun... I WILL own a gun, you can f**king bet on that... I can send letters of reprimand to my State representative, and however outlandish and mental my list of demands he apparently has to give it his attention as my representative. Personally I think that's a f**king mad way to run a country, but hey... that's what makes America great, allegedly.

 

Now I just have to settle on which American accent I'm going to use from now on. I've got it narrowed down to 'Texan' or 'Black dude from New Orleans'

 

Not sure I'll be able to pull off a black dude from New Orleans, though.

 

Have a nice day.

[boboisared]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzDDJm27vmc

[Leightons_Missing_Teeth]

Foo lang dee ye hae tae bide ower 'er tae became a citizen and fit kind o' piece ye gan tae get?

[360]

Congrats, Kelt.

[Bobby Connor]

Congrats. Leave all wit, humour and humility you may have accumulated at the door as there is no use for it in the states.

 

In all seriousness. Congratulations. Previously suspected as a cunt but now a fantastic example.

 

[robbo]

congrats bud.

 

before you pick an accent, dont instantly dismiss hick hillbilly redneck. itll go better with the gun and means you can upgrade from a simple pistol to a hunting rifle or shotty. im so jealous

[Bobby Connor]

congrats bud.

 

before you pick an accent, dont instantly dismiss hick hillbilly redneck. itll go better with the gun and means you can upgrade from a simple pistol to a hunting rifle or shotty. im so jealous

 

Good shout. The ridiculously intelligent hillbilly / redneck must be a tempting option. Confuse people to death and then bury them with facts about Eoin Jess.

[robbo]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7E-isbgwpk

[BrianFaePerth]

Rollin with the Homies.

 

Aye, ye gotta go wi like a Avon Barksdale or Omar type accent otherwise you offbrand, you feel me?

 

Were ye the only non afro, asian or whitever in attendance?

[BrianFaePerth]

 

Not sure I'll be able to pull off a black dude from New Orleans, though.

 

 

 

Start by pulling off one in yer neighbourhood first, to see if it just a phase yer going thru afore buying an expensive plane ticket tae N'orleans

[Ke1t]

I think I was about the only native English speaker in the place, aside from the folk running the ceremony. Lots of Chaldeans sorts, swarthy, moustachioed guys in their silver and gold suits... I reckon the suit I was wearing was the only non-reflective one in the place. Seems THIS is what the well dressed Arab-American is wearing this season...

 

 

The wife was in her element, like.... was like a family reunion for her. Like I said, though, weird to see all these Arabs wandering around West Bloomfield. Usually a trip to West Bloomfield is like watching Fiddler on the Roof.

 

As far as accents go, liking this one...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gLN3QoN-q8&feature=related

[Dynamo]

Well done you yank b*stard...living the dream!

 

So as an American now, does this mean you could run for president? I think you should.

[athenaeum]

Nae a fan of septics,horrible arrogant c'unts worse than the guffs

[madjockmcferson]

I'm now officially a Yank. Went to some Synagogue today, along with.... ironically, I thought.... about a hundred Arabs to get sworn in. There's something about seeing a synagogue swarming with Arabs to make you feel pretty f**king uneasy... I'd equate it to seeing a coachload of Hearts supporters turn up at your nursery one day... you're just not convinced that nothing bad is going to happen. In fact it probably will, so best get your business conducted as fast as possible and get the f**k out before the jihad starts. That might sound ignorant, but remember, I'm an American now.

 

So now I can legally vote for the next guy who's going to bomb the f**k out of the Brown folks, I can own a gun... I WILL own a gun, you can f**king bet on that... I can send letters of reprimand to my State representative, and however outlandish and mental my list of demands he apparently has to give it his attention as my representative. Personally I think that's a f**king mad way to run a country, but hey... that's what makes America great, allegedly.

 

Now I just have to settle on which American accent I'm going to use from now on. I've got it narrowed down to 'Texan' or 'Black dude from New Orleans'

 

Not sure I'll be able to pull off a black dude from New Orleans, though.

 

Have a nice day.

 

Where in the US are you? I got my green card 2 months ago. Living in Virginia Beach. If you have a choice in where to live I'd avoid the 95% humidity and 100F heat of VB

 

Congrats on your citizenship...I'm gonna get mine in 5 yrs time.

[RAZOR]

I lived just outside New Orleans for a couple of years. Never went for full citizenship but i remember being told that you have sing the national anthem at a sporting event to gain it. Is this true Kelt?

[tup]

Sold your soul down the river for Uncle Sam's $$$$$$$$

 

I'm not sure how you can sleep at night.

 

You'll be shouting you're a f**king Mormon next.

 

Passport and all that sh*t gives you serious status now, and sets you apart from all the other immigrant alien c**ts who've not managed to get a job, let alone secure f**king citizenship for life.

 

:thumbs:

 

 

Well done min, hope all goes well for you.

 

[Ke1t]

Answering various questions...

 

I'm in Michigan, which is kind of like Mars, because the Summers are like the Sahara and the Winters are like the Arctic. For about 2 weeks in between you're not freezing to death or sweating out of your arse.

 

You gain your citizenship by passing a series of piss-easy tests and paying around 700 bucks. You say the pledge of allegiance and some other pledges of loyalty, sing the anthem a couple of times, get fingerprinted, then you go up and get a certificate with your number on it. And you hand over your Alien Registration Card at the same time.

 

I also haven't given up my Scottishness, I still have my British Passport... I'm one of they Dual Citizens, so if sh*t hits fan here I can always slope off to Caledonia... likewise when I'm in Europe or elsewhere not America I'll use my British passport so that I don't get dragged off a bus and shot in the head for being a Yank.... and the wife's an Arab so she's fine inna.... as for the loon, going to get him a British passport.

 

Oh, and they ask you a heap of questions prior to granting citizenship, regarding whether you've ever used, bought or sold drugs, been a prostitute, owned a prostitute, sold guns, been a communist, impersonated Chairman Mao when drunk or stuck your cock in a Russian.

 

The correct answers should all be self-apparent.

[Bebo]

Answering various questions...

 

I'm in Michigan, which is kind of like Mars, because the Summers are like the Sahara and the Winters are like the Arctic. For about 2 weeks in between you're not freezing to death or sweating out of your arse.

 

You gain your citizenship by passing a series of piss-easy tests and paying around 700 bucks. You say the pledge of allegiance and some other pledges of loyalty, sing the anthem a couple of times, get fingerprinted, then you go up and get a certificate with your number on it. And you hand over your Alien Registration Card at the same time.

 

I also haven't given up my Scottishness, I still have my British Passport... I'm one of they Dual Citizens, so if sh*t hits fan here I can always slope off to Caledonia... likewise when I'm in Europe or elsewhere not America I'll use my British passport so that I don't get dragged off a bus and shot in the head for being a Yank.... and the wife's an Arab so she's fine inna.... as for the loon, going to get him a British passport.

 

Oh, and they ask you a heap of questions prior to granting citizenship, regarding whether you've ever used, bought or sold drugs, been a prostitute, owned a prostitute, sold guns, been a communist, impersonated Chairman Mao when drunk or stuck your cock in a Russian.

 

The correct answers should all be self-apparent.

 

I thought you could only get a dual passport via marriage or birth.

 

Lucky c*nt. A US/UK passport is probably the best combo you can get. Getting the advantages of the EU's free travel movement and with the UK's commonwealth advantage for easy and long stay visas.

 

I travelled to the US with a mate that has a dual US/UK passport. He left the UK using his british passport and went through US immigration with his US passport, bypassing all the finger / eye scanning and stupid questions from the bitch from homeland security with a gun in the holster, unlike this mug.

[CrazyBullSheep]

Erm, hud on. Like being a domicile of the US, the worst collective of humanitarian cesspooldom, is worthy of praise? What the f**k?

 

Fit's wrang wi the NE Scotland and our sh*te weather, parochialism and bakers from hell?

 

Yous c**ts hinna got a clue min.

 

Ke1t min Fit ye deein.

 

You need to return to Scotland ASAP if you stay there any longer you will start thinking that London is in Paris and the middle east is somwhere near North Carolina.

 

Also, depending on which state your in Sodomy is a crime.

 

Surely my last statement is enough to put you off.

 

Well done though hope your answer to the last question was Hell Yeah

[tainboy]

Kelt. Yer now a fat loud c**t.

[Ke1t]

Kelt. Yer now a fat loud c**t.

 

You forgot handsome, clever and brave.

 

:thumbs:

[The Boofon]

You forgot handsome, clever and brave.

 

:thumbs:

 

Thanks.

 

Clever and brave will be along shortly to say thanks as well no doubt.

[Terrorfex]

Hemmin' Kelt -

 

How did you feel about the "Catch-22" (To give it a Yankee flavour) whereby you had to swear to "renounce" any other Citizenships you hold while taking the Oath, at the same time as knowing the State Department used to use the failure of new American citizens to actually go to their Homeland Embassy and physically renounce their previous citizenship, as a basis to invalidate their new American citizenship citing failure to uphold the oath they'd taken ...

 

Nae that they do that sort of thing anymore ...

[Bluto10]

do you have to wear your jeans half way down your arse and those stoopid basball jackets now?

[Ke1t]

Hemmin' Kelt -

 

How did you feel about the "Catch-22" (To give it a Yankee flavour) whereby you had to swear to "renounce" any other Citizenships you hold while taking the Oath, at the same time as knowing the State Department used to use the failure of new American citizens to actually go to their Homeland Embassy and physically renounce their previous citizenship, as a basis to invalidate their new American citizenship citing failure to uphold the oath they'd taken ...

 

Nae that they do that sort of thing anymore ...

 

 

Well, the Patriot Act legislation mandates that any citizen can be stripped of all Constitutional protections, in direct contravention of the Constitution, and spirited off to places unknown for a good old fashioned arse-f**king, after which said arse-f**k-recipient will then be bundled into a plane and despatched to any shithole country of the choosing of the CIA/Homeland Security sadist responsible for f**king said 'citizen's' arse. So really any sort of underhand, "You didn't uphold the oath" methodology has been well and truly succeeded by a policy of quasi-legal arrest, entirely illegal torture, completely illegal stripping of citizenship and basic human rights, and a one-way trip to Sudan or Poland for a thoroughly good raping, both physically and mentally.

 

But there's bad sh*t wherever you go.

 

If I'd gone to Somalia I'd run the risk of being murdered by some dude with an AK47 and a Hyena on a rope.

 

[The Boofon]

 

 

If I'd gone to Somalia I'd run the risk of being murdered by some dude with an AK47 and a Hyena on a rope.

 

 

That's nae an AK47 it's a big stick.

 

Still a worry though.

[BrianFaePerth]

That's nae an AK47 it's a big stick.

 

Still a worry though.

 

Ye'd think living in Detroit he'd ken the difference atween a stick and an AK47

[daytripping]

Why would anyone want to be American, the most hated Country and people on the planet.

[Ke1t]

Why would anyone want to be American, the most hated Country and people on the planet.

 

Daytripping in 'Doesn't like foreigners' shocker.

 

Well, if being popular had been my primary concern I'd probably have gone for Swiss citizenship.

 

But it wasn't.

 

So I didn't.

[Cottowner]

When I was in Oklahomo, I was doing some research work with this guy from the local god squad, he was telling me what a devout Catholic he was and he son was in the local Catholic Church's Boys Group! "Very good" I said, "is that like the scouts or the BB's?"

No the Catholic Boys Group was called the "Ready Rangers", who's badge was the huns badge with the RFC missing, Even had READY down the bottom and everything - hence the ready rangers! I took great joy in telling him how that was a complete joke and I could not think of anything less catholic than that (I am sure there is a joke about catholics f**king rangers in there somewhere!)

 

When I told him I was from Scotland he said how he loved Scotland and always wanted to go there, even brought out a huge map saying you gotta show me exactly where it is and started circling Australia with his finger! No! We call those the Antipodies for a reason, it's because you can't get any further away from Scotland on the planet than there!

I also got asked if Scotland was in London and if I lived in a castle or a cave!

 

I took one golfing last week as one of his dreams was playing golf in Scotland when he was here, FFS he was whooping and hollering on the greens when he holed a 3ft put, what an embarrasment.

 

In summary, 95% of Americans are ignorant as f**k, 4.5% are tollerable and 0.5% are decent