Dream Retirement

[Big Man]

Iv'e just become eligible to pay into my companies pension scheme and it got me thinking – how am i gonna live out the rest of my days. So, money no object what would be your dream retirement scenario?

 

Personally, ive always wanted to live on an island somewhere in the Indian ocean - somewhere like Diego Garcia:

 

Crab fishing, a bit of sailing, keep a few animals. Live totally self sufficiently. Lay on the beach, with a big fat cigar in my hand looking up at a clear blue sky, reflecting on life and pondering the big questions.

 

What's yours and why?

[barassie_afc]

Iv'e just become eligible to pay into my companies pension scheme and it got me thinking

[ebbe]

bratislava, prague or budapest where it is socially acceptable for old perverts to spend all your days watching live naked wifies wrestling. plus the food's f**king fantastic.

[tup]

Hopefully I'll be dead by then.

 

f**k sitting in a home, drooling into a cup, soiling myself, being bathed by some minker who might tamper with me, and being patronises and spoken to like a bairn by my offspring.

 

Retirement homes? More like purgatory. You canna even source yersel a shotgun, as you'll be dismissed as insane, and they'll up you to 4 cups of cranberry juice a day in the hope they might flush the lunacy from your system.

 

Meantime they re-possess your house as they charge you five hundred quid a day for the privilege of a heap of Poles cleaning your arse and changing your pish soaked bed sheets.

 

As for dream retirement in the literal sense, I'm there dude, I've never had a dream for years, I've left all that behind, you get folk who just make up lies about dreams because they want to get off with you, oh I dreamt last night we were trapped in a burning house together etc you were my hero.

 

Dream on, you fat bitch, we're awake now, so forget it.

[zander]

All company pensions scheme brochures look like that pitty they all f**king rape you.

[Big Man]

Would your life partner not be scunnered for a threesome or would you allow her to be f**ked by monkeys ?

 

Monkeys

 

There are no native mammal species on diego garcia.

 

p.s. enjoy your residential care experience.

[barassie_afc]

Monkeys

 

There are no native mammal species on deigo garcia.

 

p.s. enjoy your residential care experience.

 

crabs then.......

[Big Man]

crabs then.......

 

I know derailing perfectly sensible threads in your old age gives you some kind of sick pleasure, but keep it OT...

 

[barassie_afc]

I know derailing perfectly sensible threads in your old age gives you some kind of sick pleasure, but keep it OT...

 

 

Is there any such thing as a dream retirement ? To me thats the beginning of the end

[Big Man]

Hopefully I'll be dead by then.

 

f**k sitting in a home, drooling into a cup, soiling myself, being bathed by some minker who might tamper with me, and being patronises and spoken to like a bairn by my offspring.

 

Retirement homes? More like purgatory. You canna even source yersel a shotgun, as you'll be dismissed as insane, and they'll up you to 4 cups of cranberry juice a day in the hope they might flush the lunacy from your system.

 

Meantime they re-possess your house as they charge you five hundred quid a day for the privilege of a heap of Poles cleaning your arse and changing your pish soaked bed sheets.

 

As for dream retirement in the literal sense, I'm there dude, I've never had a dream for years, I've left all that behind, you get folk who just make up lies about dreams because they want to get off with you, oh I dreamt last night we were trapped in a burning house together etc you were my hero.

 

Dream on, you fat bitch, we're awake now, so forget it.

 

:hysterical:

 

Another tup classic.

 

Surely you must have had thoughts beyond that? What about a BUPA care home at least (where the staff are that bit more intelligent and attractive)...

[Ke1t]

Lately been giving serious thought to buying a wee island for my retirement and building a cabin or hoose on it... long way off like, but I like the idea of being away from every c**t, with the only access by boat.

 

You can get a decent enough island for less than 100k, so it's not even like you would have to save like a b*stard or be a millionaire.

 

Island, some trees, a boat, a wee hoose, nae c**t to bother you... sorted.

[fine-n-dandy]

Iv'e just become eligible to pay into my companies pension scheme and it got me thinking

[HughMungus]

Lately been giving serious thought to buying a wee island for my retirement and building a cabin or hoose on it... long way off like, but I like the idea of being away from every c**t, with the only access by boat.

 

You can get a decent enough island for less than 100k,

Aye?

 

well I hope you'll be happy on Mount-Hooly...

 

heavy traffic..but a good chonker near by

[muttondressedaslamb]

Is Diego Garcia not a military base now? I'm sure I read this when at uni. John Pilger wrote about it and how people were forced off the island to live elsewhere? Maybe got my wires crossed.

 

We'll be made to work longer and longer and will no doubt will die pretty soon afterwards. So it's not really an issue for me.

[Big Man]

Is Diego Garcia not a military base now? I'm sure I read this when at uni. John Pilger wrote about it and how people were forced off the island to live elsewhere? Maybe got my wires crossed.

 

We'll be made to work longer and longer and will no doubt will die pretty soon afterwards. So it's not really an issue for me.

 

It is indeed your 100% correct, he made a documentary about it ''stealing a nation'' i think it was called - very interesting. Still love to live somewhere like that though... absolutely breathtaking.

[King Street Loon]

Lately been giving serious thought to buying a wee island for my retirement and building a cabin or hoose on it... long way off like, but I like the idea of being away from every c**t, with the only access by boat.

 

You can get a decent enough island for less than 100k, so it's not even like you would have to save like a b*stard or be a millionaire.

 

Island, some trees, a boat, a wee hoose, nae c**t to bother you... sorted.

Would you have internet on your remote island kelt?

How would you satisfy your you internet porn needs and listen to the Dons?

 

Are you a plumber by any chance?

Only reason I'm asking is, your choice of retirement location/view.

be like looking out your window at a big plumbers crack every morning.

 

[minijc]

Move to Thailand or just go to loads of different places each month.

[spamspamspam]

I've always pictured my retirement being spent in a cottage by the sea and my days sitting on a park bench leering at the young ladies and saying whatever sh*t comes into my head and getting away with it because I'm old...

 

[The Boofon]

Live totally self sufficiently. Lay on the beach, with a big fat cigar in my hand looking up at a clear blue sky, reflecting on life and pondering the big questions.

 

 

 

Self sufficient with a big fat cigar?

 

You gonna roll your own like?

[Dom Sullivan]

I've always pictured my retirement being spent in a cottage by the sea and my days sitting on a park bench leering at the young ladies and saying whatever sh*t comes into my head and getting away with it because I'm old...

 

Dont need to be old to do that - that's me and RTYD now!

[Sonoftherock]

Self sufficient with a big fat cigar?

 

You gonna roll your own like?

 

Living sufficiently, I'm sure having the ability to roll his own cigar would be the least of his problems!

[phoenix]

Hopefully I'll be dead by then.

 

f**k sitting in a home, drooling into a cup, soiling myself, being bathed by some minker who might tamper with me, and being patronises and spoken to like a bairn by my offspring.

 

Retirement homes? More like purgatory. You canna even source yersel a shotgun, as you'll be dismissed as insane, and they'll up you to 4 cups of cranberry juice a day in the hope they might flush the lunacy from your system.

 

Meantime they re-possess your house as they charge you five hundred quid a day for the privilege of a heap of Poles cleaning your arse and changing your pish soaked bed sheets.

 

As for dream retirement in the literal sense, I'm there dude, I've never had a dream for years, I've left all that behind, you get folk who just make up lies about dreams because they want to get off with you, oh I dreamt last night we were trapped in a burning house together etc you were my hero.

 

Dream on, you fat bitch, we're awake now, so forget it.

 

 

 

tup...you're livin' the dream already.

 

Disnae get ony better'n that.

 

I am a man of simple pleasures and have no desire to relocate. I will spend some of my time and effort on home improvements ; enjoy watching the seasons change on latitude 57 09' N , 02 09' W , which can be magical given the right light , pity about the abundance of cloud ; I have more books to read than I have time left in which to read them ; I will prepare good food most of the time and eat out on occasions ; silver surfing and supporting AFC will/should keep me entertained ; drink some nice wine/beer now I have finally realised that less is more ; make the garden more attractive and the occasional holiday ; better not forget the pleasure of listening to music.

 

In other words , generally get prepared for death aka the big

 

...altho' I not so sure

[tup]

I've zero time for folk who are obsessed with death.

 

I dinna give a f**k how or when I die, as I'll be dead, hence negating the need for f**k giving.

 

Bring it on.

 

These feel losers who scan the death notices in the paper for any spurious connection to some stiff so they can attend the funeral and get all hung up on the whole brown-breadedness of the situation?

 

Just shoot them, they obviously canna wait to die, sate their death fixation.

[Dynamo]

It'll be 45 odd years til I retire. Jesus. If I make it that far. Who knows what will be around then to keep me occupied.

[phoenix]

I've zero time for folk who are obsessed with death.

 

I dinna give a f**k how or when I die, as I'll be dead, hence negating the need for f**k giving.

 

Bring it on.

 

These feel losers who scan the death notices in the paper for any spurious connection to some stiff so they can attend the funeral and get all hung up on the whole brown-breadedness of the situation?

 

Just shoot them, they obviously canna wait to die, sate their death fixation.

 

 

 

 

Now , now min.

 

I should have started copying and pasting your observations on life years ago and presented them today as the 'Thoughts of Chairman Tup'.

 

Mind you , ye'd probably disagree with everything you said.

[StandFree1982]

Hugh Hefner style retirement! Loads of very attractive women looking after my every need, enough money to live comfortably, a nice big house where i keep all my attractive female companians, a couple of Alsations and the house would be located somewhere with a view of the moutains and a lake.

[The Boofon]

 

Now , now min.

 

I should have started copying and pasting your observations on life years ago and presented them today as the 'Thoughts of Chairman Tup'.

 

Mind you , ye'd probably disagree with everything you said.

 

 

:laughing:

 

Aint that the truth.

[Dynamo]

Hugh Hefner style retirement! Loads of very attractive women looking after my every need, enough money to live comfortably, a nice big house where i keep all my attractive female companians, a couple of Alsations and the house would be located somewhere with a view of the moutains and a lake.

 

 

Aye but fit are you really gonna do?

[StandFree1982]

Aye but fit are you really gonna do?

Still got a long way to go before then!

 

I'll probably be deed though.

 

As Tup also touched on, sitting around in a retirement home with some old Asian bird wiping the drool from my bottom lip while waiting for me to finish shitting in my nappy doesn't really appeal to me. I'd say that a retirement home is one of the creepiest, depressing places that you could ever visit.

[phoenix]

It is indeed your 100% correct, he made a documentary about it ''stealing a nation'' i think it was called - very interesting. Still love to live somewhere like that though... absolutely breathtaking.

 

 

No doubt it will be under water soon with rising seas levels.

 

Serves the f u c k e r s right.