Cold Calls

[Betty Swallicks]

You know the story, an Asain sounding bloke called "Kevin or Stuart or some other Western name" calls you out of the blue and tells you he's not selling anything............

 

How do you entertain yourself whilst annoying him and wasting his time?

 

I like to put them on speaker phone and answer every 2nd question with lies and throwing in a "hello?" every now and then.

Calls usually last 2/3mins before they hang up.

 

Whats your approach?

[Bobby Connor]

Best one ever was by a friend of mine who was offered half-price double glazing via a cold call. Her response:

 

I don't have any windows,

 

Simple, but effective.

[OddJob]

I've noticed there is a slight delay when you pick up from these punters.

 

Me - "Hello"

 

Slight pause

 

Phone Hung Up.

 

Thats how i deal with them.

Very true

[NorthernLights24]

When they answer I normally ask then if "they are the ones who have been f**king call me all morning". They normally hang up pretty quickly once I start going off on one.

[Betty Swallicks]

Nae body got a good wind up for them?

 

Keep them on the line, take the piss and waste their time kind of thing.

[essexdon]

i invited a conservatory company round for a quote, they were bit hacked off as i am in first floor flat...told the salesman his company had called six times in seven days now maybe they would get message. havent had a call from them since

[bonzodaddy73]

You know the story, an Asain sounding bloke called "Kevin or Stuart or some other Western name" calls you out of the blue and tells you he's not selling anything............

 

How do you entertain yourself whilst annoying him and wasting his time?

 

I like to put them on speaker phone and answer every 2nd question with lies and throwing in a "hello?" every now and then.

Calls usually last 2/3mins before they hang up.

 

Whats your approach?

I personally tell them that I will listen to what they say,as long as I can sing my answers in a baritone style. Usually gets them to f**k off after a minute or so.

[Dazzler]

One of my friends worked for weatherseal whislt still at school. One Saturday morning I answered the phone and immediately recoginised his voice. Had him going for about 15minutes till he asked for my details.

[styrofoamplates]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3aCL8PIOuM

[Bobby Connor]

i invited a conservatory company round for a quote, they were bit hacked off as i am in first floor flat...told the salesman his company had called six times in seven days now maybe they would get message. havent had a call from them since

 

Superb sir!

[sheepiekev]

You know the story, an Asain sounding bloke called "Kevin or Stuart or some other Western name" calls you out of the blue and tells you he's not selling anything............

 

How do you entertain yourself whilst annoying him and wasting his time?

 

I like to put them on speaker phone and answer every 2nd question with lies and throwing in a "hello?" every now and then.

Calls usually last 2/3mins before they hang up.

 

Whats your approach?

 

hang up on the c**ts - and dont f**king phone me when I'm eating my denner!

[Dandyesque]

I let one go through the whole spiel about the electric supply the other day.

 

Told them all about my usage, my meter, average bill, supplier etc.

 

She went away and did a comparison and was telling me all about the savings I was going to make.

 

Got her thinking the sale was done and dusted

 

Then told her I was moving house next week and none of what we had discussed was in the slightest bit relevant.

 

Not my fault she never asked if I was interested in the first place

[boboisared]

Normally just breathe heavily and wank.

[K-9]

Tell them you are recording call for security purposes. Usually hang up straight away and dont phone back!!

[Ke1t]

Normally just breathe heavily and wank.

 

Aye, but how do you deal with telemarketers?

[centraldon]

I like to keep it simple. Just hang up. And should capital punishment ever be re-instated. These would be the first bastards I'd have swinging. Actually second. Huns first.

[Bobby Connor]

I like to keep it simple. Just hang up. And should capital punishment ever be re-instated. These would be the first bastards I'd have swinging. Actually second. Huns first.

 

Exactly. Don't forget your manners.

[spamspamspam]

Tourettes

 

Nothing gets rid of call centres like screaming mY DoGGy hAs a yEllOW peeeee-niSSSsss down the phone half way through feigning interest in their debt consolidation service.

 

I also pretend to be gay when the church comes calling with their collection tin, rich when its a loan company, aye, filthy rich, euro lotto winner rich and my all time favourite is to be an amateur ailen hunter with the witnesses. If you can get a witness to admit there just may be something out there you can then remind him that he has just thrown his whole religion out the window.

[BrianFaePerth]

It's rare eh get cold-calls, mainly coz they come from easily recognisable Oslo numbers here.

 

But, on the off-chance eh get caught out, eh feign ignorance of the lingo so that they have to do their whole spiel in English. The vast majority make a valiant attempt but usually end the call themselves within the first minute when they get stuck on a particular word or phrase

[Sheep#1]

Old yin, but still relevant to this thread!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj2oXMdZ4sk

 

Have to give the guy credit for still trying when the guy's totally lost it!

[spamspamspam]

It's rare eh get cold-calls, mainly coz they come from easily recognisable Oslo numbers here.

 

But, on the off-chance eh get caught out, eh feign ignorance of the lingo so that they have to do their whole spiel in English. The vast majority make a valiant attempt but usually end the call themselves within the first minute when they get stuck on a particular word or phrase

 

I do that with the annoying f**ks in town that chase you along the street trying to get you to give 5 quid a month to such and such. In Holland I spoke English and said I lived here, here I speak Dutch and say I live there.

[Nelly]

A mate of mine tries to see how long he can keep them on the line. He's in the States so it's usually folk selling holiday apartments in Mexico or suchlike. If he gets stuck he usually just says ' sounds great, tell me more' he records them them puts them online. His best is something like 45 minutes, by that time the seller has gone through his spiel about 40 times, any time they sound like they're getting pissed off he makes comment on their attitude before they pick up again back to their friendly self.

 

Me? If there's a pause on the line I hang up.

[E-P-K]

I tried the "recording this call for security purposes" spiel last night, and when asked why I was recording the call I advised that he had called the local office of a private investigator's fraud department.

 

Call was quickly ended...

[StandFree1982]

The best way to deal with 3 or Virgin or whoever is phoning about changing my mobile contracts is to hold them on the line for a while, listening to their patter about the best offers they can give you, nodding and agreeing in a "sounds interesting tone" until you get bored and eventually drop the bombshell that you don't actually own a mobile phone. This works best when they have called you on your mobile phone as well, confuses and scares the poor wee sap sitting in his wee open planned office in Pune. Either that or announce that you are actually deaf and can only communicate via sign langauge and lip reading then thank the caller for using video calling.

 

Either that or just tell them to f**k off! If I wanted to move to another network / insurer / get a conservatory built, I would come to you!

[StandFree1982]

Tourettes

 

Nothing gets rid of call centres like screaming mY DoGGy hAs a yEllOW peeeee-niSSSsss down the phone half way through feigning interest in their debt consolidation service.

 

I also pretend to be gay when the church comes calling with their collection tin, rich when its a loan company, aye, filthy rich, euro lotto winner rich and my all time favourite is to be an amateur ailen hunter with the witnesses. If you can get a witness to admit there just may be something out there you can then remind him that he has just thrown his whole religion out the window.

pretend you say...

[spamspamspam]

pretend you say...

 

Well pretend is such a... loose word... Not sure if it really is pretending, I'm already dressed for the occasion when I answer the door and its not like these people make appointments

[Betty Swallicks]

I got 2 calls from the same c**ts yesterday (strange Caribean type accent but called Rob and Ian from a consumer information survey or some pish), I f**ked about giving them a heap o lies before hanging up but the 3rd time they called I was mid supper so said I'd been called twice already that day and was recording the call. Boy seemed to shyte a brick and said sorry, he'd delete my number straight away and then hung up.

 

 

No calls last night or so far today...... I kind of miss them.

 

Nae really!

[tup]

As a general rule I always give an incorrect telephone number on any forms I fill out for anything.

 

My bank have been trying to contact me for months about meeting with them, I gave them my old number, as I have an old mobile which I switch on now and again, and have something like 300 missed calls from them.

 

They can GTF, I dinna need anything from them, and a meeting with them sounds like my idea of hell on earth.

[Betty Swallicks]

As a general rule I always give an incorrect telephone number on any forms I fill out for anything.

My bank have been trying to contact me for months about meeting with them, I gave them my old number, as I have an old mobile which I switch on now and again, and have something like 300 missed calls from them.

 

They can GTF, I dinna need anything from them, and a meeting with them sounds like my idea of hell on earth.

 

 

So do I but I get the foreign f**kers asking for Mr Norman Davidson fa iver he is.

 

When I play along they usually then call me Mr Norman.

 

 

Silly c**ts!

[tup]

Aye, and these foreign c**ts always say their name is John, or Ian, I'm like aye right, I wisna born f**king yesterday pal, dinna come the c**t, slam the phone down.