The Daily Retard

[Ke1t]

Generally don't read it, as in I never read it, but there was one lying around today so I figured I'd see if there was a single column inch on Aberdeen. As it transpires there's a double page special of the kind you only see about AFC in the Retard when they're criticising the club.

 

So anyway, in the double page criticism of a club they usually ignore unless it's to criticise, there's a picture of Milne on page 78 with a weird glow around his semi-transparent visog... making him look uncannily like the Emperor from Star Wars.

 

Anyone else notice this?

 

"Ehhh... strike meh doon 'n complete yer journeh tae the dark sidey, noo, aye, surely, surely, young Broonwaaker."

[Dandyesque]

Generally don't read it, as in I never read it, but there was one lying around today so I figured I'd see if there was a single column inch on Aberdeen. As it transpires there's a double page special of the kind you only see about AFC in the Retard when they're criticising the club.

 

So anyway, in the double page criticism of a club they usually ignore unless it's to criticise, there's a picture of Milne on page 78 with a weird glow around his semi-transparent visog... making him look uncannily like the Emperor from Star Wars.

 

Anyone else notice this?

 

"Ehhh... strike meh doon 'n complete yer journeh tae the dark sidey, noo, aye, surely, surely, young Broonwaaker."

 

 

78 pages in the fucking Daily Record?!

 

That's a shitload of pictures, that!

[tup]

More importantly, that's a lot of bog roll for your 9 shillings, much cheaper than Andrex with the added bonus of smearing McCoist's fizzog in shit.

[Betty Swallicks]

Generally don't read it, as in I never read it, but there was one lying around today so I figured I'd see if there was a single column inch on Aberdeen. As it transpires there's a double page special of the kind you only see about AFC in the Retard when they're criticising the club.

 

So anyway, in the double page criticism of a club they usually ignore unless it's to criticise, there's a picture of Milne on page 78 with a weird glow around his semi-transparent visog... making him look uncannily like the Emperor from Star Wars.

 

Anyone else notice this?

 

"Ehhh... strike meh doon 'n complete yer journeh tae the dark sidey, noo, aye, surely, surely, young Broonwaaker."

 

 

You still in the UK or do you get The Retard in the USA?

[tup]

You still in the UK or do you get The Retard in the USA?

 

 

Hardly.

[Betty Swallicks]

 

Hardly.

 

 

You claiming Kelt is at it?

 

 

[tup]

i'll bet you can, somewhere

 

Aye, maybe in the Masonic Lodge boof was at in Kansas City, shops over there have the National Enquirer for their daily blast of bullshit and lies so they dinna need the Record.

[Ke1t]

I'm in Aberdeen till the end of the month... incidentally I have a question.

 

What in the name of fuck has happened to the spiders in this toon?

 

They used to be tiny wee cuddly fellas, cheeky little things you could belt with a newspaper or pick up and lob down the bog. I've seen 4 spiders since I got back to Aberdeen, and while one was the traditional wee Aberdeen spider the other three have been like something you hang from he ceiling at a hallow-fucking-een party.

 

Great, thick hairy bastards with all fangs and black fur, these things are the size of my fucking face. The thing sitting in the sink last night looked like it was waiting for a stray wildebeest to come looking for water... I screamed like a little girl when I saw it

 

Fucking horrifying...

[Betty Swallicks]

I'm in Aberdeen till the end of the month... incidentally I have a question.

 

What in the name of fuck has happened to the spiders in this toon?

 

They used to be tiny wee cuddly fellas, cheeky little things you could belt with a newspaper or pick up and lob down the bog. I've seen 4 spiders since I got back to Aberdeen, and while one was the traditional wee Aberdeen spider the other three have been like something you hang from he ceiling at a hallow-fucking-een party.

 

Great, thick hairy bastards with all fangs and black fur, these things are the size of my fucking face. The thing sitting in the sink last night looked like it was waiting for a stray wildebeest to come looking for water... I screamed like a little girl when I saw it

 

Fucking horrifying...

 

I've done worse.

[ollie1903]

I've done worse.

My sister you bastard

[V for Vendetta]

I'm in Aberdeen till the end of the month... incidentally I have a question.

 

What in the name of fuck has happened to the spiders in this toon?

 

They used to be tiny wee cuddly fellas, cheeky little things you could belt with a newspaper or pick up and lob down the bog. I've seen 4 spiders since I got back to Aberdeen, and while one was the traditional wee Aberdeen spider the other three have been like something you hang from he ceiling at a hallow-fucking-een party.

 

Great, thick hairy bastards with all fangs and black fur, these things are the size of my fucking face. The thing sitting in the sink last night looked like it was waiting for a stray wildebeest to come looking for water... I screamed like a little girl when I saw it

 

Fucking horrifying...

 

I saw a spider hanging from a window in my office the other day. It was huge.

 

As I watched it, the thing arched its huge back and fat belly then did a shit.

The thing was so big I could actually see spider shit drop from it like a little black raindrop.

 

I've never seen a spider shit before.

[bobb4you]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3np4yVQNj0

[The Boofon]

I'm in Aberdeen till the end of the month... incidentally I have a question.

 

What in the name of fuck has happened to the spiders in this toon?

 

They used to be tiny wee cuddly fellas, cheeky little things you could belt with a newspaper or pick up and lob down the bog. I've seen 4 spiders since I got back to Aberdeen, and while one was the traditional wee Aberdeen spider the other three have been like something you hang from he ceiling at a hallow-fucking-een party.

 

Great, thick hairy bastards with all fangs and black fur, these things are the size of my fucking face. The thing sitting in the sink last night looked like it was waiting for a stray wildebeest to come looking for water... I screamed like a little girl when I saw it

 

Fucking horrifying...

 

I stayed in Milltimber a few years ago and as there was some nice natural greenery out the back of the pad there were quite a number of insects and arachnids of substantial size in the house all the time.

 

I'll never forget one spider in the living room who raised it's front set of legs in preparation for a strike as I approached it.

 

Fucking massive thing.

 

It would have went for me without a doubt had I not flattened it with a rolled up Guardian.

[robbojunior]

I stayed in Milltimber a few years ago and as there was some nice natural greenery out the back of the pad there were quite a number of insects and arachnids of substantial size in the house all the time.

 

I'll never forget one spider in the living room who raised it's front set of legs in preparation for a strike as I approached it.

 

Fucking massive thing.

 

It would have went for me without a doubt had I not flattened it with a rolled up Guardian.

 

[phoenix]

Leave them alane !

 

 

I'm an anarachnophile.

 

 

Tiny wee beasties weighing in at under a gram.

 

 

It's you they are scared o'.....and can ye blame them ?

 

 

Wasps too are delightful.

[tup]

I always try and give any beasties I find in the house safe passage back out into the undergrowth, it's only fair, they didna mean to come into the house FFS and would not choose to again.

 

Total cunts who kill them, the type of folk who make folk take their shoes off at the door, their carpet is worth more to them than their friends, snobby bastards basically.

 

Anyone asks me to take my shoes off at the door and I will turn on my heels and refuse to go in at all, I'd be scared to breath in case I put a mark on the glass topped table, or fart, or anything, fuck that, walking on eggshells for some poncy arsed bastard and their materialistic sensibilities.

 

I dinna kill any beasties, ever, if it wisna for them none of us would exist.

[StandFree1982]

I always try and give any beasties I find in the house safe passage back out into the undergrowth, it's only fair, they didna mean to come into the house FFS and would not choose to again.

 

Total cunts who kill them, the type of folk who make folk take their shoes off at the door, their carpet is worth more to them than their friends, snobby bastards basically.

 

Anyone asks me to take my shoes off at the door and I will turn on my heels and refuse to go in at all, I'd be scared to breath in case I put a mark on the glass topped table, or fart, or anything, fuck that, walking on eggshells for some poncy arsed bastard and their materialistic sensibilities.

 

I dinna kill any beasties, ever, if it wisna for them none of us would exist.

You aren't doing the house spiders any favours shoving them outside! They are built to last indoors.

[StandFree1982]

We've had HUGE spiders lately, ones that if you put a glass around it, it would need to move its legs in slightly to get the whole thing under!

[tup]

You aren't doing the house spiders any favours shoving them outside! They are built to last indoors.

 

They canna be house spiders, there's tons of them outside.

[The Boofon]

They canna be house spiders, there's tons of them outside.

 

Homeless spiders.

 

Is there a spider Big issue seller?

 

Have any of them got a manky old blanket and a dog?

[tup]

I'm surrounded by leaf lined avenues, I've no idea where they live, dinna give a fuck either, but I'm not gonna kill them, been like that since I watched A Bug's Life with the kids, would bring a tear to a glass eye thon.

[The Boofon]

I stayed in Milltimber a few years ago and as there was some nice natural greenery out the back of the pad there were quite a number of insects and arachnids of substantial size in the house all the time.

 

I'll never forget one spider in the living room who raised it's front set of legs in preparation for a strike as I approached it.

 

Fucking massive thing.

 

It would have went for me without a doubt had I not flattened it with a rolled up Guardian.

 

 

 

 

That was not supposed to be you who picked that one up.

 

It was a YBW magazine that I used and not a Guardian. :thumbs:

[StandFree1982]

I'm sure these are the fuckers we are getting at the moment:

 

Giant House Spiders

[InTaeEm]

Not sure if this has been mentioned on another forum or not today but I seen a snippet on the BBC Football Gossip Coloumn from the Daily Record as well I think it may have been saying, just now Aberdeen FC are losing

[tup]

Aye, Milne apparently making up the shortfall,

[Dandyesque]

I used to get those - I reckon they came in from the loft when the weather got colder.

 

About 2-3 inches across some of them and fast as fuck.

 

First time I noticed one out of the corner of my eye I thought it was a mouse due to the speed and size

[Robbie Winters]

Aye, Milne apparently making up the shortfall,

[tup]

Heard something along the lines that he has put his hand into his pooch to the tune of 360,000 over the last year or so to pay for all the backroom staff. Would that not be transparent on the books ?

 

Should be, but they're not published yet so we'll need to wait and see.

[Redstar]

Heard something along the lines that he has put his hand into his pooch to the tune of 360,000 over the last year or so to pay for all the backroom staff. Would that not be transparent on the books ?

If it is

[robbo]

haha, i got so engrossed reading about spiders that i forgot all about the OP