Sick Jokes

[daytripping]

David Cameron and his missus are sitting down for xmas dinner, david turns to his wife and says; darling there's something missing....................his wife says yes I know............it's the vegetable.

[johnstrac]

Jack the Ripper is in a pub with a whore and gets her to go outside.

He jams his fingers up her skirt and right into her fanny, "Hey cut that out" she says.

"I will once I bash your head in".

[tup]

'Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?'

 

'Both, this is a rape'

[InTaeEm]

Why can't Maddie McCann play Xbox?

 

 

 

 

Because I've got a PS3.

[minijc]

What's the difference between football and rape? Women don't enjoy football.

[tup]

If a black man and a Pakistani fall off Blackpool Tower at the same time, who hits the ground first?

 

Although I'm sure you're tempted to say 'who gives a fuck?' the correct answer is the black man as the Pakistani is a shade lighter.

[InTaeEm]

I'm not racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.

[tup]

A man has been admitted to hospital with a toy horse stuck up his arse.

 

His condition was described as stable.

[Foster14]

I am currently working on getting on a plan to get my dog to swallow my semen.

 

It is coming on a treat.

[Guest milne_afc]

I'm not racist this is just a joke:

 

How do you hide your money from a black man?

 

Put it under a bar of soap.

[Guest milne_afc]

Some of my staff are blacks.

[StandFree1982]

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?

 

Rape.

[Guest milne_afc]

What is 12″ long and makes a woman moan all night?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

[Guest milne_afc]

Whats the best part of having sex with an eight year old in the shower?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slicking her hair back and making her look six.

[Guest milne_afc]

Myra Hindley is walking through the Yorkshire Moors, hand-in-hand with a little boy.

 

[StandFree1982]

When a man ejaculates, he comes at twenty miles per hour

 

Which means it's perfectly safe to hit a child

[Guest milne_afc]

A pregnant woman was at the hospital giving birth to her baby. The delivery was almost complete, and at long last, the doctor held up the newborn, cut the umbilical cord, and took a moment to look the baby over. Then without missing a beat, the doctor threw the child against a nearby wall with all of his might. The mother watched in shock as the baby slid to the floor with a sickening thud.

The nurses and orderlies stood-by aghast as the doctor proceeded to dribble the newborn around the room like a football before finally passing the baby through the door into the hall with a mighty kick. Everyone, including the fatigued mother, chased the doctor into the hall just in time to see him scoop up the infant and run down the coridor, stopping just long enough to bodycheck the child into the wall every so often.

At the end of the hall, the doctor gave a mighty leap and slam-dunked the baby into a nearby bin, giving himself a loud roar of approval. Finally the now quite large awe-struck crowd caught up with the doctor. The mother was distraught and burst into tears.

 

[tup]

Whats black & fucks women?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Breast cancer.

[tup]

Not sick but fuck it:

 

 

 

'My neighbour came to my door this morning at 2.30am!'

 

'2.30AM!!!!! Can you believe that?'

 

'Luckily for her I was still up playing my bagpipes'

[Guest milne_afc]

What do you do to a deaf, dumb, and blind girl after you rape her?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Break her fingers so she can

[StandFree1982]

I hate some of the excuses women come up with for not having sex. Like:

 

"I'm on my period"

 

"I've got a headache"

 

or

 

"Get your hands off my neck, I don't even know you"

[StandFree1982]

Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS?

 

it never gets old.

[dervish]

Statistically nine out of ten people enjoy gang rape.

[RAZOR]

What do you call a black man in a field?

 

The good old days.

[tainboy]

If a black man and a Pakistani fall off Blackpool Tower at the same time, who hits the ground first?

 

Although I'm sure you're tempted to say 'who gives a fuck?' the correct answer is the black man as the Pakistani is a shade lighter.

 

Factually incorrect. Basic physics means they would impact at the same time. Dependant of course on drag.

 

 

 

 

 

What's bad about shagging twenty-nine year olds?

 

 

There's twenty of them and it gets a little sore.

[spamspamspam]

how do you get a 6 year old boy to suck your cock?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

no, seriously, how do you get a 6 year old boy to suck your cock?

[Sheep#1]

What's the number 1 cause of paedophilia?

 

 

 

Sexy kids.

[delta1red]

I think my little sister has started her period...My dads dick tastes terrible

[dervish]

Today, I found out that, thanks to a rare bone disease, my 6 year old daughter has only four weeks to live. I decided to read the paper to take my mind off it and discovered a suicide bomber in Baghdad has killed 30 people in a market place.I cast aside the paper and walk to my daughter's bedroom.

 

I stand in the doorway, watching her sleep, thinking how cruel this world can be. Barely 6 years old and soon to be in heaven. My mind was cast back to the suicide bomber, on his way there and eager to meet the virgins that wait for him. I gently closed the bedroom door, took out my cock and moved towards my innocent child.Fuck you, Mohammed. this is one virgin you won't be getting your hands on.

 

 

...now that's sick.

[NorthernLights24]

On June 3rd the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Celebrations are set to climax with over 1000 boats sailing up the River Thames.

 

That`s the most seamen for an 85 year old grandmother since Wayne Rooney went for a massage.