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Unique Friends


terenceandphilip

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Not bams who end up in prison or any of the other multitude of bad/dead end things you can get up to, but ones who just gently break the mould. No "characters" who pull down their trousers or who are a "right laugh" or nothing like that. Just anyone who's kind of gently different.

 

I've got a couple, but my favourite is Mr R. Forty three years old, he lives with his parents while saving money from his considerable salary to retire to Thailand. Never ironed a shirt or cooked a meal, his retired mother gets out of bed to drive across town to pick him up once drunk. Had the same job for 20 years, he once changed to another firm, big pay rise etc and last 45 minutes before walking out. Got drunk for a month then back to his old job. Despite only managing to live with his parents his whole life, spent 2 years travelling the world including some dangerous countries where foreign travel isn't recommended - just to 'get it out of his system'.

 

Anyone else got pleasantly unusual friends?

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Not bams who end up in prison or any of the other multitude of bad/dead end things you can get up to, but ones who just gently break the mould. No "characters" who pull down their trousers or who are a "right laugh" or nothing like that. Just anyone who's kind of gently different.

 

I've got a couple, but my favourite is Mr R. Forty three years old, he lives with his parents while saving money from his considerable salary to retire to Thailand. Never ironed a shirt or cooked a meal, his retired mother gets out of bed to drive across town to pick him up once drunk. Had the same job for 20 years, he once changed to another firm, big pay rise etc and last 45 minutes before walking out. Got drunk for a month then back to his old job. Despite only managing to live with his parents his whole life, spent 2 years travelling the world including some dangerous countries where foreign travel isn't recommended - just to 'get it out of his system'.

 

Anyone else got pleasantly unusual friends?

I can see this happening with me in 23 years time :(

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Eh've a friend who has never knowingly worked a day in his puff (no, not Buck)

 

We went to uni together, but he couldnae be ersed wi 9-5 or anything like that, so now lives in a cooncil flat, gambles online (ie. loses cash), and when he racks up enough debt, goes through court cases tae get made bankrupt. Keeps his days busy anyway.

 

He's had several run ins wi the feds, no for anything major, but each case has gotten more serious. The best ane being telling two coppers in front of a packed train to "go and fuck yourselves". He got his collar felt for thon :checkit:

 

He keeps threatening tae find the necessary reddies tae come and visit us, something that neither me or Mrs Byen are happy about, and we've ey got some excuse.

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Chinese poof and his lover who live next door, nice enough bloke but fuck me some strange noises come out of their flat. Sometimes it's actual screaming, not as in shagging but as in being raped while watching Poltergeist or some shit, and the other night it was strange as fuck animal noises - like werewolves going "Awooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

 

I'm not massively convinced one or both of them don't have some sort of learning difficulty.

 

Every so often knocks on my door, always calls me Mr Briaaaaaaaaan, with a random grocery item i.e can of Coke from a multipack ("we had one spare and thought you might like it") or some random soya beans shit he got from a Chinese supermarket.

 

Seems harmless enough, but then he's probably exactly the kind of fruitloop who'd go on a gun rampage or some shit.

 

 

They want to fuck you.

 

Beat me too it mini.

 

Menage e trois ahoy!!

 

One of them will jump out of you from the cupboard like the naked jap out of The Hangover.

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Not bams who end up in prison or any of the other multitude of bad/dead end things you can get up to, but ones who just gently break the mould. No "characters" who pull down their trousers or who are a "right laugh" or nothing like that. Just anyone who's kind of gently different.

 

I've got a couple, but my favourite is Mr R. Forty three years old, he lives with his parents while saving money from his considerable salary to retire to Thailand. Never ironed a shirt or cooked a meal, his retired mother gets out of bed to drive across town to pick him up once drunk. Had the same job for 20 years, he once changed to another firm, big pay rise etc and last 45 minutes before walking out. Got drunk for a month then back to his old job. Despite only managing to live with his parents his whole life, spent 2 years travelling the world including some dangerous countries where foreign travel isn't recommended - just to 'get it out of his system'.

 

Anyone else got pleasantly unusual friends?

 

 

you call that 'unique'?

i call it fcukin pathetic. :hysterical:

 

so is he gonna move to thialand and buy a wife?

 

never trust someone who leads such a abnormal lifestyle.

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Eh've a friend who has never knowingly worked a day in his puff (no, not Buck)

 

We went to uni together, but he couldnae be ersed wi 9-5 or anything like that, so now lives in a cooncil flat, gambles online (ie. loses cash), and when he racks up enough debt, goes through court cases tae get made bankrupt. Keeps his days busy anyway.

 

He's had several run ins wi the feds, no for anything major, but each case has gotten more serious. The best ane being telling two coppers in front of a packed train to "go and fuck yourselves". He got his collar felt for thon :checkit:

 

He keeps threatening tae find the necessary reddies tae come and visit us, something that neither me or Mrs Byen are happy about, and we've ey got some excuse.

 

some mate you are. fuckin dundonians you're all the same.

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you call that 'unique'?

i call it fcukin pathetic. :hysterical:

 

so is he gonna move to thialand and buy a wife?

 

never trust someone who leads such a abnormal lifestyle.

 

No responsibilities and early retirement to buy yourself a subservient fucktoy in a country where you can live like a king on thruppence a week?

 

Sounds pretty fucking good to me.

 

Only drawback being Gary Glitter's your next door neighbour, and he's aye coming round to borrow your duct tape and vaseline.

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Mad J fae oot the road, he'll be in his fifties now. He lives on fitiver he catches poaching or fitiver his dogs catch.

 

Goes mental when he drinks Whisky.

 

Me and him necked all his wifes medication (tranquiliser type things) when she was pregnant....the same day I saw him assault a live Goose in his kitchen.

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No responsibilities and early retirement to buy yourself a subservient fucktoy in a country where you can live like a king on thruppence a week?

 

Sounds pretty fucking good to me.

 

Only drawback being Gary Glitter's your next door neighbour, and he's aye coming round to borrow your duct tape and vaseline.

 

Well I suppose if you put it like that.

 

Mind you livin with yer ma in your forties is for loner outcast types like Tup.

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No responsibilities and early retirement to buy yourself a subservient fucktoy in a country where you can live like a king on thruppence a week?

 

Sounds pretty fucking good to me.

 

Only drawback being Gary Glitter's your next door neighbour, and he's aye coming round to borrow your duct tape and vaseline.

 

He's a daft cunt then. A boy in my work who stays over there was telling me now that the pounds nearly halfed in value over the last 5 years there's a large amount of 'farangs' homeless, raking bins and asking other farangs for a lend of cash till they get back on their feet. Guys that have lost their life savings thinking they can buy love off some wee Asian lass who's now living in a newly built home with the rest of her family! So if you're a proper mate, tell him, dinna.

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He's a daft cunt then. A boy in my work who stays over there was telling me now that the pounds nearly halfed in value over the last 5 years there's a large amount of 'farangs' homeless, raking bins and asking other farangs for a lend of cash till they get back on their feet. Guys that have lost their life savings thinking they can buy love off some wee Asian lass who's now living in a newly built home with the rest of her family! So if you're a proper mate, tell him, dinna.

 

Correct, basic human nature dictates that this will be the inevitable conclusion of a dalliance between some dweeb from the UK who wears sellotaped glesses and has never had his hole, but who has a fortune in the bank thanks to being an ugly, square, inept cunt, and your typical 'me love you long time' hingoot fae Thailand, 'me love you long enough to clean out your savings' is more like it, followed by possible murder at the hands of her brothers and cousins should you ever be delusional enough to take a trip to her homeland.

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Mad J fae oot the road, he'll be in his fifties now. He lives on fitiver he catches poaching or fitiver his dogs catch.

 

Goes mental when he drinks Whisky.

 

Me and him necked all his wifes medication (tranquiliser type things) when she was pregnant....the same day I saw him assault a live Goose in his kitchen.

 

 

Screw the drug abuse, tell me about assaulting the Goose!

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Mad J fae oot the road, he'll be in his fifties now. He lives on fitiver he catches poaching or fitiver his dogs catch.

 

Goes mental when he drinks Whisky.

 

Me and him necked all his wifes medication (tranquiliser type things) when she was pregnant....the same day I saw him assault a live Goose in his kitchen.

 

 

Screw the drug abuse, tell me about assaulting the Goose!

 

 

He grabbed it by the neck and flung it across the room, he always had animals going about the place.

 

He also gobbed in his wifes sandwich he made for her that day.

 

I laughed.

 

I'd have liked a gander at that.

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Mad J fae oot the road, he'll be in his fifties now. He lives on fitiver he catches poaching or fitiver his dogs catch.

 

Goes mental when he drinks Whisky.

 

Me and him necked all his wifes medication (tranquiliser type things) when she was pregnant....the same day I saw him assault a live Goose in his kitchen.

is this mad j you speak of the same one i know thin with a moustache resides in the Donside area? ( or at least used to)

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Chinese poof and his lover who live next door, nice enough bloke but fuck me some strange noises come out of their flat. Sometimes it's actual screaming, not as in shagging but as in being raped while watching Poltergeist or some shit, and the other night it was strange as fuck animal noises - like werewolves going "Awooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

 

I'm not massively convinced one or both of them don't have some sort of learning difficulty.

 

Every so often knocks on my door, always calls me Mr Briaaaaaaaaan, with a random grocery item i.e can of Coke from a multipack ("we had one spare and thought you might like it") or some random soya beans shit he got from a Chinese supermarket.

 

Seems harmless enough, but then he's probably exactly the kind of fruitloop who'd go on a gun rampage or some shit.

 

:hysterical: Classic min! Did they turn up today with a big tub of KY wrapped in bow for your birthday?

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Mad J fae oot the road, he'll be in his fifties now. He lives on fitiver he catches poaching or fitiver his dogs catch.

 

Goes mental when he drinks Whisky.

 

Me and him necked all his wifes medication (tranquiliser type things) when she was pregnant....the same day I saw him assault a live Goose in his kitchen.

 

Ahhh my old next door neighbour!

 

He loved a rave he did.

 

He used to have a turkey called Terrance that always walked into my house if the door was left open. He was ace.

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mad J i recall the time he was in my old local between (Insch and Alford,) ther was nearly a set to that night resulted in him saying to me that we would play darts against two other blokes in the bar for 50 quid i pointed out there was'nt a dartboard up at that time, to which he replied "i ken but we'll use ther fucking heids"

 

also remember one lunch time in the Brig bar having a pint when mad j walked in with a tesco carrier bag plonked it on the bar and pronounced to the bar maid " tell Chay thats to pay my tab " the bag was sat on the bar with a fish, and roe deer inside.

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mad J i recall the time he was in my old local between (Insch and Alford,) ther was nearly a set to that night resulted in him saying to me that we would play darts against two other blokes in the bar for 50 quid i pointed out there was'nt a dartboard up at that time, to which he replied "i ken but we'll use ther fucking heids"

 

also remember one lunch time in the Brig bar having a pint when mad j walked in with a tesco carrier bag plonked it on the bar and pronounced to the bar maid " tell Chay thats to pay my tab " the bag was sat on the bar with a fish, and roe deer inside.

 

That'll be the pub in Premnay.

 

He once bashed his heid, so taped a paracetamol to the cut with a plaster.

 

When he wint to the fitba he always bought two pies to keep his hands warm in his pockets.

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I was oot in Edinburgh last night. My mate was having a pish in the street and his brother goes to him ' seez a drink of that min' and my mate goes ' shut up you clown, i bet you wouldn't actually' and he proceeded to stick his head in the flow of pish with his mouth open like he was drinking from a water fountain and my mate pished in his mouth and all over his face. It was probably the most disgusting and funny things ive ever seen! He also got naked in the bar in the travelodge and sat in the bar when it was full of punters

 

 

He's pretty 'unique'

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I was oot in Edinburgh last night. My mate was having a pish in the street and his brother goes to him ' seez a drink of that min' and my mate goes ' shut up you clown, i bet you wouldn't actually' and he proceeded to stick his head in the flow of pish with his mouth open like he was drinking from a water fountain and my mate pished in his mouth and all over his face. It was probably the most disgusting and funny things ive ever seen! He also got naked in the bar in the travelodge and sat in the bar when it was full of punters

 

 

He's pretty 'unique'

Was he pissed?

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