What's Your Favourite Brand Of Toilet Paper?

[tommo1903]

I would have to say Andrex.

 

Once I was had to use my boxer shorts.

 

They were from next, so they'd be my 2nd favourite brand.

[Miglo don]

Lidls,

[E-P-K]

Lidls,

[tommo1903]

Lidls,

[Ke1t]

There's only one brand of toilet paper... Charmin Ultra Diamond Weave.

 

Bit more expensive than your bog standard (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha etc.) toilet roll, but CADW really is the Rolls Royce of shithouse paper.

 

You'll never have a finger burst through this stuff, poking yourself in the anus and coming away with a heavily shit-clarted finger.. and equally as impressive, you can blow your nose with this stuff and it doesn't vapourise into a billion tiny pieces of dust like most other bog rolls.

 

And when you've had one of those seriously thick, messy shites, the kind where the crack of your arse feels like a trainee cementer has been practicing his trade on your hole, CUDW will breeze through the most clarty of shites without ripping and adding its own tangled, papery bulk to an already bad situation.

 

Of course, I always keep a pack of wet wipes on the cistern, because toilet paper alone won't get your bum hole clean. Even the best paper can't be proof against winnits and clagnuts and dangleberries. That's why anyone who practices anal hygiene, once the wiping stage is over, will then go over the area with a wipey or two, to ensure a sparkiling arse and no uncomfortable build up.

 

My arse is probably cleaner than the Queen's arse.

 

I'd be willing to take that challenge.

[chief_wiggum]

Cushelle (the one with koala bears on it) for a nice strength and softness, not as much as Charmin Ultra which although brilliant in the strength and softness doesn't flush too good, last thing I need to be doing is watching some excrement smeared paper whirl around and around in a toilet only to float back to the top flush after flush.

[The Boofon]

Long finger nail on your pinky, a rooser of water and a hole to squat over is the norm out my way.

 

I take my own paper with me to work to avoid such a situation. I also bite my nails so I'd be fucked doing it the Islamic way.

 

Fuck using a watering can and a finger to wipe yer arse.

 

Strangely they think a pig is a filthy animal yet a pig won't stick it's trotter up it's arse to wipe it.

 

Always travel home with half a roll as well as the airport shitter on the first stopover on the way home is like something out of Trainspotting.

[Miglo don]

Lidl value all the way, Nothing wrong wi my ring piece, you are welcome to come and inspect. Ok I have a brown index finger but it's a price worth paying.

[dj_bollocks]

There's only one brand of toilet paper... Charmin Ultra Diamond Weave.

 

Bit more expensive than your bog standard (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha etc.) toilet roll, but CADW really is the Rolls Royce of shithouse paper.

 

You'll never have a finger burst through this stuff, poking yourself in the anus and coming away with a heavily shit-clarted finger.. and equally as impressive, you can blow your nose with this stuff and it doesn't vapourise into a billion tiny pieces of dust like most other bog rolls.

 

And when you've had one of those seriously thick, messy shites, the kind where the crack of your arse feels like a trainee cementer has been practicing his trade on your hole, CUDW will breeze through the most clarty of shites without ripping and adding its own tangled, papery bulk to an already bad situation.

 

Of course, I always keep a pack of wet wipes on the cistern, because toilet paper alone won't get your bum hole clean. Even the best paper can't be proof against winnits and clagnuts and dangleberries. That's why anyone who practices anal hygiene, once the wiping stage is over, will then go over the area with a wipey or two, to ensure a sparkiling arse and no uncomfortable build up.

 

My arse is probably cleaner than the Queen's arse.

 

I'd be willing to take that challenge.

 

I'm assuming you don't wipe and then blow...

[DD1903]

Andrex. The only brand that I've used and not had my finger burst through. Also use morrisons moist stuff for for a cleaner feel!

[tommo1903]

There's only one brand of toilet paper... Charmin Ultra Diamond Weave.

 

Bit more expensive than your bog standard (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha etc.) toilet roll, but CADW really is the Rolls Royce of shithouse paper.

 

You'll never have a finger burst through this stuff, poking yourself in the anus and coming away with a heavily shit-clarted finger.. and equally as impressive, you can blow your nose with this stuff and it doesn't vapourise into a billion tiny pieces of dust like most other bog rolls.

 

And when you've had one of those seriously thick, messy shites, the kind where the crack of your arse feels like a trainee cementer has been practicing his trade on your hole, CUDW will breeze through the most clarty of shites without ripping and adding its own tangled, papery bulk to an already bad situation.

 

Of course, I always keep a pack of wet wipes on the cistern, because toilet paper alone won't get your bum hole clean. Even the best paper can't be proof against winnits and clagnuts and dangleberries. That's why anyone who practices anal hygiene, once the wiping stage is over, will then go over the area with a wipey or two, to ensure a sparkiling arse and no uncomfortable build up.

 

My arse is probably cleaner than the Queen's arse.

 

I'd be willing to take that challenge.

 

Upon this reference, I'll be purchasing a 4 pack of the aforementioned.

 

I'll report back in the future.

[centraldon]

I couldn't give a shit.

[Ke1t]

Upon this reference, I'll be purchasing a 4 pack of the aforementioned.

 

I'll report back in the future.

 

Happy wiping, my friend.

 

Happy wiping.

 

:thumbs:

[tommo1903]

I couldn't give a shit.

 

Is this a set-up for a constipation/toilet paper joke?

[Henry]

Oh my friend, you are wrong.

 

There are 2 "value" things you should avoid, toilet paper and coffee.

 

 

 

Lidl condoms are best avoided too.

[StandFree1982]

Nothing worse than wiping your own arse (or someone elses...) with cheap toilet paper and then your middle finger tears through the paper, slides up your crack into your hole and comes out looking like a monkeys finger.

[tup]

The Daily Record

[tommo1903]

Nothing worse than wiping your own arse (or someone elses...) with cheap toilet paper and then your middle finger tears through the paper, slides up your crack into your hole and comes out looking like a monkeys finger.

 

But do you have a cheeky sniff after it?

[robbojunior]

wiping your arse.

 

standing up or sitting down?

 

fuck nose how it came up in conversation but someone i know sits doon. fucking weirdo.

[StandFree1982]

But do you have a cheeky sniff after it?

[tightbreeks]

i get along to costco and buy a big box of the stuff, it seems like everyone else that goes there does the same, unless you want an 11k diamond ring!! and you own a take away.

 

3-ply if i'm allowed.

[The Boofon]

wiping your arse.

 

standing up or sitting down?

 

fuck nose how it came up in conversation but someone i know sits doon. fucking weirdo.

 

Eh?

 

Why on earth would you be standing up after a dump?

 

Sit down, shit, wipe, stand up, flush.

 

or

 

Stand up, shit, wipe, flush.

 

I know which one I think is the logical order and it doesn't involve standing up to have a dump.