Jump to content

Work For Stephen Hawking!


Recommended Posts

1325711416[/url]' post='687001']

I wouldn't mind that job. I have all the necessary skills barring the organizational and electronics aspects. Think he is taking the piss offering 25K for someone who is:


A. An IT expert

B. A graphic designer

C. Kens a lot aboot electronics

D. A personal assistant / lackie organiser


Surely worth more like

Link to comment

I'd do it.. I'd nick all his good ideas then push him down some stairs. Couple of years later I start releasing 'my own' theories on the cosmos.


This will undoubtedly impress Carol Vorderman, a MILF who fancies herself as a bit of an intellectual, I invite her round to Kelt's place to discuss some of the finer mathematical nuances of 'my' unified theory, and maybe she can help me out what with her being a bit of a wizard at figuring out how to reach a number by using other numbers from the clever application of mathematics, and maybe a couple of drinkies will help us get in the mood for some applied thought, what with her being ...good, I guess... at practical applications while my own area expertise is in theoretical physics and, yeah, I think the thermostat is stuck really high, but I don't want to open the windows to let in some cool air because my neighbour is an abject tosser who plays motorhead all hours and really breaks my concentration so I suppose you could take that thick sweater off and I'll get rid of my Big Country original shirt, oh, I didn't know you were a Big Country fan, Carol, of course you can see it, anyway my biggest problem is in working out this mathematical problem here, yeah the equation at the bottom of the board, that's right, don't be scared to bend all the way over in that tight skirt so you can get a good look at the thing, no, don't mind the camera, I'm just trying to figure out the focus on it, anyway, yeah, just bend forward a little bit more, little bit more, liiiiittle bit more, ... when in actual fact my ultimate goal in this scenario is to fuck Carol Vorderman up the arse and has absolutely nothing to do with the kudos of being Stephen Hawking's fucking butler.



Link to comment

i guess he won't be too interested in hiring a female assistant, unless it's for scientific observation perhaps. :itch-chin:


The biggest mystery in the universe perplexing one of the world's best known scientists is - women.


When New Scientist magazine asked A Brief History of Time author Stephen Hawking what he thinks about most, the Cambridge University professor renowned for unravelling some of the most complex questions in modern physics answered: "Women. They are a complete mystery."



Link to comment
Women wrong, says cleverest person in world


THE fundamental wrongness of women has been established beyond doubt.



Deals only in scientific fact


Professor Stephen Hawking, the world's cleverest human since 1988, has confirmed that women are not only wrong but probably stupid as well.


In an interview with New Scientist, Professor Hawking said: "Have you tried having a grown-up conversation with one of them? Fucking hell.


"They are wrong. And I know everything there is to know about the universe, so that's that."


Tom Logan, from Hatfield, backed Professor Hawking's theory, adding: "I also really liked the way he described them as 'constantly expanding and contracting' and 'infinitely dense'."


But Logan's girlfriend, Helen Archer, insisted: "He didn't say any of that.


"All he said was that women are a 'complete mystery'. Which is actually rather romantic and makes me think of myself as a beautiful star that no-one has ever really taken the time to try and understand."


Logan stressed: "Saying something is a complete mystery is exactly the same as saying that it is wrong about everything all the time. As you well know.


"But let's abandon Professor Hawking's years of study and continue to live in your alternate universe where the laws of physics state that you're the only one who can remember exactly what people said and the tone in which they said it."


Archer continued: "In your universe the laws of physics state that all women are wrong except your fucking mother.


"Also, no disrespect to Professor Hawking, but you can't really tell if he's being ironic or not."


Logan added: "Cleverest. Person. In. World."

Link to comment

No I'm serious, men are fae venus and women are fae mars, is that not what there was a book about?


It's true, we are totally at odds on almost any subject.




Like: Shiny things. Coronation Street. The Cock*.


Dislike, Everything that isn't a Shiny Thing, Coronation Street, or a Cock*.


*Except in the case of the lesbias. But guys shouldn't be concerning themselves with the likes or dislikes of the lesbias.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...