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What's The Biggest Animal You Reckon You Could Kill


Ke1t

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People always said, "Oooh, dinnae gan near thae swans, loon. The'll brak yer erm wi their wee beeeekies."

 

That's how Harry Lauder would have said it.

 

"Och, Laddie, noo, noo. Dinnae gang ye neeeyir yon Swaaaans...."

 

Anyway, even as a kid I reckoned I could fuck a swan up if the situation necessitated it. What do they weigh, 30 pounds max? Skinny neck? Zero leg muscles.

 

Oh, but they've beak and flappy wings...

 

Bollocks. You give me a good enough reason and I'd wade in amongst an entire fucking GAME* of swans, and aside from a few wee bruises the upshot would be a fuckload of dead swans and a new quilt for the winter nights that have been fair draa'in in.

 

Course I'd have to persuade the Queen to let me get torn in aboot them, because apparently swans are the property of the crown. Seems a bit arbitrary that the Queen would also be Queen of all swans like.

 

Anyway, I'll get the ball rolling with swans. Probably nowhere near as dangerous as Harry Lauder likes to make out.

 

*Game.. that's the collective term for swans. A Game of swans.

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Tricky one this.

 

If it's only with my bare hands then it will be small as you have to be pretty stelthey to catch a big beast.

 

I'd kill a deer easily enough but it's sneaking up on them that's the problem. WIth no traps or guns I'd have to stick with dogs for the moment until I get more expert at stealth. A labradoodle to be specific.

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I could beat a disabled cow to death

 

I'd probably manage to kill any disabled animal

 

A non disabled animal with my bare hands?

 

A large dog

 

 

you could kill an un-disabled cow if you wanted to mobs by tipping it over.

could be classed as cheating tho using gravity and the ground to do your dirty work.

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you could kill an un-disabled cow if you wanted to mobs by tipping it over.

could be classed as cheating tho using gravity and the ground to do your dirty work.

 

Nah, it would just wake up and run away

 

I'd have to knee capped it first

 

I'd have to take a massive run deliver a dropkick to its front legs.

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People always said, "Oooh, dinnae gan near thae swans, loon. The'll brak yer erm wi their wee beeeekies."

 

That's how Harry Lauder would have said it.

 

"Och, Laddie, noo, noo. Dinnae gang ye neeeyir yon Swaaaans...."

 

Anyway, even as a kid I reckoned I could fuck a swan up if the situation necessitated it. What do they weigh, 30 pounds max? Skinny neck? Zero leg muscles.

 

Oh, but they've beak and flappy wings...

 

Bollocks. You give me a good enough reason and I'd wade in amongst an entire fucking GAME* of swans, and aside from a few wee bruises the upshot would be a fuckload of dead swans and a new quilt for the winter nights that have been fair draa'in in.

 

Course I'd have to persuade the Queen to let me get torn in aboot them, because apparently swans are the property of the crown. Seems a bit arbitrary that the Queen would also be Queen of all swans like.

 

Anyway, I'll get the ball rolling with swans. Probably nowhere near as dangerous as Harry Lauder likes to make out.

 

*Game.. that's the collective term for swans. A Game of swans.

 

A wee tip for your future battles with swans. It's the wings you need to watch out for as they are indeed incredibly powerful.

 

Do humans count? I could easily kill a human with my bare hands. In fact, the bigger the human the better. One of those sixty stone fuckers would be a piece of piss. I wouldn't even need my hands- just sit on their jowly great head.

 

If it's non humans, I'd take out one of they dujong things. They look pretty shit at fighting

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Nah, it would just wake up and run away

 

I'd have to knee capped it first

 

I'd have to take a massive run deliver a dropkick to its front legs.

 

that'd look good on you tube.

 

personally i'd tie its tail to the back of a quad bike and drag it backwards at high speed till it died or a heart attack

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People always said, "Oooh, dinnae gan near thae swans, loon. The'll brak yer erm wi their wee beeeekies."

 

That's how Harry Lauder would have said it.

 

"Och, Laddie, noo, noo. Dinnae gang ye neeeyir yon Swaaaans...."

 

Anyway, even as a kid I reckoned I could fuck a swan up if the situation necessitated it. What do they weigh, 30 pounds max? Skinny neck? Zero leg muscles.

 

Oh, but they've beak and flappy wings...

 

Bollocks. You give me a good enough reason and I'd wade in amongst an entire fucking GAME* of swans, and aside from a few wee bruises the upshot would be a fuckload of dead swans and a new quilt for the winter nights that have been fair draa'in in.

 

Course I'd have to persuade the Queen to let me get torn in aboot them, because apparently swans are the property of the crown. Seems a bit arbitrary that the Queen would also be Queen of all swans like.

 

Anyway, I'll get the ball rolling with swans. Probably nowhere near as dangerous as Harry Lauder likes to make out.

 

*Game.. that's the collective term for swans. A Game of swans.

 

You reckon you could handle this??

 

 

 

Biggest animal I could take out with my bare hands is a Blue Whale in fact I reckon I could maybe even plug it's blow hole with One hand behind my back.

 

:laughing:

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You reckon you could handle this??

 

 

 

Biggest animal I could take out with my bare hands is a Blue Whale in fact I reckon I could maybe even plug it's blow hole with One hand behind my back.

 

:laughing:

 

i raise you one hand, and suggest i could cover your blow hole with both hands behind my back :P

 

but it wouldn't kill you. so to answer the question... probably a dog.

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You reckon you could handle this??

 

 

 

Biggest animal I could take out with my bare hands is a Blue Whale in fact I reckon I could maybe even plug it's blow hole with One hand behind my back.

 

:laughing:

 

No chance.

 

It can hold its breath for ages- all it would have to do is dive and you'd drown long before you suffocated it

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i raise you one hand, and suggest i could cover your blow hole with both hands behind my back :P

 

but it wouldn't kill you. so to answer the question... probably a dog.

You risk having me behind you with your hands behind yer back? :itch-chin:

 

No chance.

 

It can hold its breath for ages- all it would have to do is dive and you'd drown long before you suffocated it

 

 

I may die but It'd be a draw & I'd still achieve what I claimed tho :thumbup1:

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A giraffe, seriously like. It would take a while maybe a week or so but I would get their in the end. They can't fight back either not like a bear or tiger, they are big and harmless, easy to dodge. I reckon I would just climb up it and strangle it's big gangly kneck with a huge cuddle like action, call it death by cuddles.

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A giraffe, seriously like. It would take a while maybe a week or so but I would get their in the end. They can't fight back either not like a bear or tiger, they are big and harmless, easy to dodge. I reckon I would just climb up it and strangle it's big gangly kneck with a huge cuddle like action, call it death by cuddles.

 

 

Oh my God, that sounds fucking adorable!

 

_puppy_sleeping_cuddle.jpg

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A giraffe, seriously like. It would take a while maybe a week or so but I would get their in the end. They can't fight back either not like a bear or tiger, they are big and harmless, easy to dodge. I reckon I would just climb up it and strangle it's big gangly kneck with a huge cuddle like action, call it death by cuddles.

 

the giraffe would probably get a good kick in and you'd be out for the count -

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1277773/Giraffe-kicks-woman-death-trying-protect-calf-dog.html

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the giraffe would probably get a good kick in and you'd be out for the count -

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1277773/Giraffe-kicks-woman-death-trying-protect-calf-dog.html

Nah, she was stupid as it had it's baby giraffe in the vicinity and it got all protective. Never attack an animal when it's got it's bairns around, the golden rule of trying to kill an animal with your bare hands. I would catch it unawares and come from above. Hide in a tree or something, avoid the kick.

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It depends on the scenario. ie. Do we start the fight toe to toe, 10 feet apart or am I allowed to sneak up on the animal while it's sleeping or has it's back turned?

 

In the ensuing fight am I allowed to pick up a rock and cave its face in or is that regarded as a weapon? What about pinning it against a tree by its windpipe?

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A giraffe, seriously like. It would take a while maybe a week or so but I would get their in the end. They can't fight back either not like a bear or tiger, they are big and harmless, easy to dodge. I reckon I would just climb up it and strangle it's big gangly kneck with a huge cuddle like action, call it death by cuddles.

 

Better not be my giraffes you're looking at cuddling to death. :angry:

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you boys can fight the grizzlys, and leave me to do the mans job of sorting out the polars.

 

polar bears are big boy shit.

 

I think, with adequate training, I could knock out a adult polar bear

 

Just read an article in the Yank edition of Maxim (Which is just like the British Maxim if you take out the tits and funny stuff) about a dude who was up in the Arctic, sleeping in his sleeping bag, when a Polar bear starts tearing the shit out of the camp, The Polar Bear then rips open his tent and bites down on his heid, dragging him out into the night air by the heid.

 

He reaches for his gun, but the Polar bear had already dealt with that by smashing it to bits.

 

His mate emerges from his tent with his own gun, and the Polar Bear rears up to battle the new enemy, the first dude still dangling by the heid from the Polar Bear's jaws.

 

This bear was 800lbs of furry fury, intent on eating this guy's heid, but equally at home battling other foes while doing so.

 

Eventually the second guy takes the shot and hits the Polar bear, which serves only to piss the Polar Bear off.

 

Fortunately the bear decides to eat the first lad's heid later, and tosses him aside while he deals with this new annoyance. Several shots later and the Polar Bear finally decides to give up.

 

No-one, not even Chuck Norris or The Hobbit fae Green Street Hooligans, is taking on a Polar Bear without some form of Warhammer 40,000 Battle Armour or a sturdy shotgun.

 

"Hahahaha." Said the Polar Bear.

polar-bear-2.jpg

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