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Shit You You've Done That No Cunt Knows...


dervish

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When i was a ball boy at the club. The match was a cup match and the draw was being made after the game and they left the gear that they

make the draw with in the place where we got changed. Me being me i had to have a play with it and broke one of the cheap plastic blue balls the used to put the teams name in. Dunno if they fixed it or got a replacement.

 

Also when young i vandalised something and made front page of the donside piper lol

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When i was a ball boy at the club. The match was a cup match and the draw was being made after the game and they left the gear that they

make the draw with in the place where we got changed. Me being me i had to have a play with it and broke one of the cheap plastic blue balls the used to put the teams name in. Dunno if they fixed it or got a replacement.

 

Also when young i vandalised something and made front page of the donside piper lol

 

 

Were any of the balls warm or felt strange in texture?

 

In other words a ball with Rangers or Celtic contained.

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Well, eh'm no proud of this ane........

 

When eh was 14, eh worked in a fast food placey in Canada. Eh had previously asked oot this burd, who despite my undeniable charm, had managed to say no :wtf:

 

 

So, as luck would have it, two weeks later, she shows up wanting a hamburger and shake. Eh was a runner, so no dealing wi the general public directly, but getting their orders together for the lassies on the tills. It suddenly struck me that eh could have my revenge, and when pouring her vanilla shake, eh made some excuse about needing to re-up the shake mix.

 

Eh then disappeared promptly to the lavvies, gave the old tadger a :spunk: in to her shake, put the lid on, and bunged it on her tray.

 

 

To this day eh've no idea what transpired thereafter

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Well, eh'm no proud of this ane........

 

When eh was 14, eh worked in a fast food placey in Canada. Eh had previously asked oot this burd, who despite my undeniable charm, had managed to say no :wtf:

 

 

So, as luck would have it, two weeks later, she shows up wanting a hamburger and shake. Eh was a runner, so no dealing wi the general public directly, but getting their orders together for the lassies on the tills. It suddenly struck me that eh could have my revenge, and when pouring her vanilla shake, eh made some excuse about needing to re-up the shake mix.

 

Eh then disappeared promptly to the lavvies, gave the old tadger a :spunk: in to her shake, put the lid on, and bunged it on her tray.

 

 

To this day eh've no idea what transpired thereafter

 

 

You served someone else?

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On passing my driving test at 17, whenever I used to meet my pal coming in the opposite directrion, he used to cross over to my sifde of the road and I crossed on to his. Then gave each other the wanker sign and we both obviously found this very funny.

 

 

One evening, just as darkness was descending, I spotted him coming the other way, so I dutifully moved over to his side of the road. He didn't move though and just kept driving right towards me.

 

I had almost stopped on the wrong side of the road when the car coming towards me swerved to the side, shot off down a bank and overturned a few times in a field ending up on it's roof.

 

 

I did the decent thing and drove to the next phone box and phoned emegency services, then fucked off.

 

 

A week or so later I discovered it had been the District Nurse. She was in hospital for a wee while before recuperating at home after.

 

 

FFS!!!

 

:laughing:

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I ran down someone who lived up the street from my mither as a youngster, she was in her late 40's, fine wifie, put her right across the bonnet, and smashed her carry out, but I just kept going, as I'd had a couple of pints.

 

Unfortunately my wing mirror snapped off in the process.

 

The wifie's son phoned me a couple of hours later and asked if I wanted my wing mirror back.

 

I went down next day with some chocolates to her, and some champagne.

 

Still feel bad about it to this day.

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I ran down someone who lived up the street from my mither as a youngster, she was in her late 40's, fine wifie, put her right across the bonnet, and smashed her carry out, but I just kept going, as I'd had a couple of pints.

 

Unfortunately my wing mirror snapped off in the process.

 

The wifie's son phoned me a couple of hours later and asked if I wanted my wing mirror back.

 

I went down next day with some chocolates to her, and some champagne.

 

Still feel bad about it to this day.

 

 

[cough] bullshit [cough]

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I don;t know what's wrong with Bluto these days, he seems to have reverted into a moron.

 

I've no reason to make something like that up, I'm embarrassed by it.

 

 

why would you, or rather your internet person, be embarassed by anything?

 

i thought you werent the type to tolerate that sort of thing.

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I tried tapping a polish bird (in PL) one new years "hole a pole" mantra in my head got back to her ghetto uni halls and it transpires they are all nazis, I got started on by some potential Untermensch with a swastia on his top rather than riding a minger into 2008. Bird was howfing though and I sobered up then ditched her, alls well that ends well.

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Another thing we did...

 

 

 

One night when around 12 years old, we were out throwing snowballs at folks windows and passing cars.

 

 

 

I kept missing this particular living room window but my pal got it perfect but the snowball smahed right through the large, old single pane.

 

 

There was no response for a while, then this old lady came screaming out on to the street waving her arms around. We hid in a concrete pipe in a builders yard opposite. A police car and an ambulance soon appeared.

 

 

After a while they came out with the husband on a strecher, he had a heart attack with the fright he got.

 

We used to do this as kids. I'm totally ashamed of it now... when I was a kid and it started snowing, it was as if rules and common decency flew out the window. It was anything goes, survival of the fittest.

 

We used to hide on an elevated platform at a School, behind some bushes, just off a busy road. It basically gave us a real head-starter, if anyone took umbrage at being pelted, often at point blank range, by a massive ball of frozen snow, and tried to chase after us! It was the perfect spot! We never once got caught.... but there were a few close calls!

 

The worst one I ever saw, was from one of my pals.... there was a middle aged women walking over the other side of the road, who my friend took out with an absolute rocket! I remember watching it cut through the air, on a collision course with the side of her face. It took her clean off her feet and she landed like a sack of potatoes.

 

The worst I managed, was actually unintended. A massive articulated lorry was driving past, and I just aimed for the side of the cargo. Sadly, I released too quickly and the snow ball went right through the window of the lorry and cracked the driver on the side of the face. He slammed on the breaks immediately and two men ran out of the van and started trying to identify where we were hiding! We were too well concealed though!

 

A couple of years later, when we started going into town and drinking, one drunken night we returned to the spot of our crimes, with a full donner Kebab, sauce and salad and dumped it on a passer-bys head.

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