Ke1t Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 And usually I'm fairly diligent about the rough stuff... nothing too bad left sitting on the desktop or in easily accessible folders that might catch the eye because they're named, for example, Porn. I mean, you can only be so diligent before it starts cutting into your non-porn time. And frankly, if I were to sit there categorising and labeling and carefully sorting my porn in order to keep it all on the hush hush then I'd have no time to do other shit like... well...anything except index porn, really. I have a lot of porn. You might even call me a hobbyist. Some people collect stamps, some people collect flags, some people.. fuck, I don't know.. some people eat their own shit. No, really. Eating feces is also known as coprophagia. This is bad for one's body. A person who eats feces is at risk of getting sick through hepatitis, infection, and AIDS. Those with a weak immune system should not eat feces. There is also social problems with eating feces. It causes bad breath and is a taboo. Coprophilia can be said to be liking the smell, taste, or feel of feces in a sexual way. The feeling can be either through touching the skin or through rubbing the penis head against feces So there's that, isn't there? I'm not one to judge, but I wouldn't want to sit next to someone on a long flight if that was their bag. I'm just saying. Where was I...? Anyway, look, I try to keep the porn under wraps. Not because I'm ashamed of my normal hetero urges, but because there are certain things you don't do in civilised company. Watching hard core porn in front of the family, well, that's one of those things. Eating shite, that's probably another one of those things, though if you live in Japan I can only imagine that's the sort of thing that goes on fairly routinely in public. But the problems didn't really stem from the porn being in a visible place. What happened was that Windows Media Player, and without any kind of prompting from me, just populates its Library folder with any and all media that might happen to be in the default Media folders, or that have ever been played using said Media Player. No pop-up saying, "Hey! I see you're watching fuckloads of brutal porn! Would you like Windows Media Player to, just for shits and giggles, do something seriously fucked up and put ALL that porn into a file where, when someone syncs up wirelessly, pretty much all they get is reams of your porn to watch? Would you like me to do that automatically, because I will if that's what you want. Is it? Is that what you want me, Windows Media Player to do? Seriously? I wouldn't have thought that would be something you would want to do, and I don't even know why I'm asking. But, hey, we're mates, so what do you say about the porn thing I was asking? Should I just go ahead and do that now?" Because if it HAD given me that option I'd probably have clicked, "Nah". I'd have clicked "Nah" and none of the following would have happened. We bought a Telly. One of those Internet fellas. Big fucker, smashing picture. Let's you stream from Hulu and Netflix and... from your computer. And the easiest way to stream to your telly from your computer is using already installed and stream-capable programs like Windows Media Player. So the wife decides she's going to set the network up so she can watch shit on our new telly from my media folders. And she's spent the last, oh, half an hour, just browsing through some of the most brutal fucking porn known to mankind. Remember that one with the Japanese birds and the Octopus.. the one that couldn't be unseen? Well, there's another member of the Kelt household who's never going to be able to unsee it, I guess. Oddly enough a chick's default reaction to surprise porn, in the real world anyway, is rarely one of, "HEY! You've got OCTOPUS PORN! Let's fuck!" Played it pretty cool, though. I says to her, I says... "Oh... ... Shit." 1 1 Link to comment
The Boofon Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Luckily for me my missus is crap with computers. If it's not in the desktop she'll not find it or go looking for it. I could place a file with me making love to her demented granny one folder deep called System and she would never see it. That maybe so but send me a PM with your email address as I'd like a look of that. Link to comment
muttondressedaslamb Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 I feel her pain with regards to the octopus porn. Why the fuck haven't you deleted it? Link to comment
muttondressedaslamb Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 The thread must still be on here. If I remember it had links to it. Don't. Just don't. Link to comment
tightbreeks Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 hitler was a coprophile, he loved that shit. Link to comment
Lencarl Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Octopus porn!!! Wtf... Google it Link to comment
Jigot Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Google it Dear God Almighty!Fanny like a burst couch and definitely not anal retentive. Link to comment
dj_bollocks Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 After the blue waffle I will not be googling Octopus Porn... Link to comment
looksgoodinred Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 After the blue waffle I will not be googling Octopus Porn... +1 sometimes my curiousity just doesn't get the better of me. there are things better off not seen. Link to comment
The Boofon Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 +1 sometimes my curiousity just doesn't get the better of me. there are things better off not seen. I'll be viewing once I get home. Work would obviously have this blocked and I'm not even trying to access it as the IT police would be on me quicker than a flash. Link to comment
Liam Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 the octopus thing went round my school. Not even that bad, seen worse... Link to comment
Lencarl Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 I'll be viewing once I get home. Work would obviously have this blocked and I'm not even trying to access it as the IT police would be on me quicker than a flash. Don't do it Quote Man found with 'octopus porn' on computer ordered to get treatment Link http://menmedia.co.u...o-get-treatment Link to comment
dervish Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 nae luck. Positively might have given the wife a few ideas for the bed room, she might be up for a three way. Negatively the third member might be an octopus. Link to comment
The Boofon Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 nae luck. Positively might have given the wife a few ideas for the bed room, she might be up for a three way. Negatively the third member might be an octopus. At least you're guaranteed she'd be a good sucker. Link to comment
Poodler Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Well written Kelt, entertaining as ever Link to comment
Ke1t Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 Luckily for me my missus is crap with computers. If it's not in the desktop she'll not find it or go looking for it. I could place a file with me making love to her demented granny one folder deep called System and she would never see it. Unluckily for me the wife is an ex-programmer, now in charge of a division of programmers. There's pretty much nothing she can't do with a computer. In fact, if I were to lose track of my porns because I'd hid it so well that I couldn't find it any more, she could probably recover it for me within a minute. The really bad stuff I keep on a USB drive. Not entirely sure where I've put that thumb drive though. Link to comment
dervish Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Did she have any comments on your stash then? 30mins if a fair while, sure none of it got her going a bit? Link to comment
ollie1903 Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 nae luck. Positively might have given the wife a few ideas for the bed room, she might be up for a three way. Negatively the third member might be an octopus.I can tell a 3 ball with yersel', the missus and squidward wouldna be so appealing to porn lovers out there. Link to comment
centraldon Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 That Louis Theroux documentary the other week was a hoot. That would be a job. Link to comment
robbo Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 i do hate WMP for that. i only recently found out that when WMP appears in my start menu, recently watched videos can be accessed from the quick open tab. so i now have to make sure i only use vlc player Link to comment
muttondressedaslamb Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 That Louis Theroux documentary the other week was a hoot. That would be a job. I sat down to watch that with my mum but didn't know the topic iof focus/ To say I was embarrased ewas an undertatment. I ended up going to my bed early becaiuse I couldnt bear to watch it with her. Loios Theroux though Link to comment
Ke1t Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 i do hate WMP for that. i only recently found out that when WMP appears in my start menu, recently watched videos can be accessed from the quick open tab. so i now have to make sure i only use vlc player Yeah, I had really no idea it just pleases itself regarding the shit it populates to its library. I spent about an hour sorting everything out with the readable files, and currently I'm transferring all porns to one single, protected drive. The shit you have to do to keep your porn private. Link to comment
bonzodaddy73 Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I'm glad I'm single now. My porn is saved in "Bonzo's big pile of porn" file. There for everyone to see. Link to comment
a don in oz Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 External hard disc is where it's at. Literally. Only thing is I bought a heap of WD externals at one go... one for TV shows, one for music, one for my Technet and other legit software stuff and another for porno. "Oh yeah adoninoz, could you bring in your technet disc so I can get a copy of the files, save me downloading them" asks the boss after he signs up for Technet after I mention it to him. Queue me - thank fuck - checking it on my work computer and then hurriedly hiding it with a "Oh I forgot to bring it in, will do so tomorrow" Not good. Since then I bought a DIFFERENT style of drive entirely for those files, to never repeat that mistake again. Link to comment
spamspamspam Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 They are now trying to blame porn for teens raping teens and theres going to be discussions about banning it all together on the BBC this morning. Yeh, teens raping teens is all to do with porn and has nothing to do with parents not controlling what their kids do and see and not teaching them morals. Link to comment
chaos_defrost Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I dont really see the need to save porn on to the computer anymore with all the streaming sites on the go Link to comment
Big Man Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 They are now trying to blame porn for teens raping teens and theres going to be discussions about banning it all together on the BBC this morning. Yeh, teens raping teens is all to do with porn and has nothing to do with parents not controlling what their kids do and see and not teaching them morals. Porn is dangerous nae mistake. It corrupts young minds and detaches them from reality. Banning it for everyone is not the answer however. Parents need to learn how to control their childrens online behaviour. I think those that don't should bear some criminal responsibility when things go wrong... p.s. I too am aI strong advocate of Truecrypt - you can't go wrong with a Serpent-Twofish-AES cascaded algorithm and a 61 character password. Link to comment
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