50 Shades Of Glasgow

Donmacca · July 6, 2012

Shamelessly stolen from facebook

As he approached me with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my track suit would be hanging from the lampshade tonight.
It was dwanes birthday and I was preparing his special tea of findus crispy pancakes and pot noodle.
I would let him take me anyway he wanted tonight ;-) his favourite position was... wha...t he called "dogs of war" where he would take me from behind and play call of duty at the same time.
Our 6 week anniversary was approaching, this would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love, his white skinny arms straddled my head like 2 bread sticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined that every mole I felt was spelling out in braille "I love you".
As I stood in line at the job centre thinking of reasons why I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils, it was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwane.
Our eyes met as he lifted me on to the wheelie bins behind Iceland, he had tied his staffy to block the alley way so we would not be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but that just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same. My mum told me to leave Dwane many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he would always remove his rings before hitting me. Tonight though he was in a foul one as I had fucked his tea up after failing to defrost the prawn rings that I nicked from Farmfoods.
He picked up the power lead from the kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ass but I liked it, I shouted "again again" so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces.
As I looked over my shoulder I could see his Weetabix toothed smile, he even had a semi on which was rare as the crack usually plays havoc with his erections.