Letter From The Dvla

[Bobby Connor]

Cheers for that you cunts, I look exactly the fucking same barring the odd crows feet and a few grey hairs! Just lay the boot in though why don't you!

[Bobby Connor]

Has it really been 10 years since I was sat in the photo booth of Sainsbury's, Denton.

[Bobby Connor]

Obviously it has.

[Podge]

I like their new rules for the driving licence photo - I had to not smile, and also not wear my glasses. So every time someone wants to see my ID they think it isn't me initially, because I've got glasses on, like I always do apart from when I'm sleeping! Silly rules.

[tutankamun]

You didna get photo ID driving licenses in the 80s

[Bobby Connor]

You didna get photo ID driving licenses in the 80s

 

No, it was more a wild west type attitude with people actually doing stuff to make a living.

[Bobby Connor]

It was where I was from. Largest steel structure ever made at the time, the Magnus Oil platform. That has to beat working in a call centre.

[tainboy]

Do a Peter griffin.

 

Get smashed, then get your photo taken. That way if ever you get smashed and decide to drive. The cops will look at your photo and realise you look like that all the time!!

[Bobby Connor]

CheersTB. There's a massive chicken that's been looking at me out of the corner of it's eye so I might try to marry the two events up.

[Ke1t]

British Driving Licenses have pictures on them?

 

When did that happen?

 

I used to have a big old foldy oot thing that I kept in a plastic thing ... and you'd show it to the boy on the door and he'd feck all idea if that was actually you or no.

 

Dishwasher blew up.

[Bobby Connor]

How long have you been away Kelt? It's been years since they had your photo on it. I think they're trying to discourage ugly people from driving.

[tutankamun]

British Driving Licenses have pictures on them?

 

When did that happen?

 

I used to have a big old foldy oot thing that I kept in a plastic thing ... and you'd show it to the boy on the door and he'd feck all idea if that was actually you or no.

 

Dishwasher blew up.

 

That part of the license still exists.

 

Photo ID came out in 1999.

[Big Man]

British Driving Licenses have pictures on them?

 

When did that happen?

 

I used to have a big old foldy oot thing that I kept in a plastic thing ... and you'd show it to the boy on the door and he'd feck all idea if that was actually you or no.

 

Dishwasher blew up.

 

I think it became mandatory to have a photographic counterpart in 1998. You have your photographic one that you carry aboot on your person and your paper one which lists all your penalties that you keep in the hoose.

[Ke1t]

I think it became mandatory to have a photographic counterpart in 1998. You have your photographic one that you carry aboot on your person and your paper one which lists all your penalties that you keep in the hoose.

 

1998... that would be about the time I split that popsicle stand.

 

Jesus, I'm farting like a sick horse.

[Bobby Connor]

You were fannying about on DT circa 2005. Never held a UK driving license Kelt? It's nothing to be ashamed of, some of the questions are quite tricky I'm told.

[Ke1t]

You were fannying about on DT circa 2005. Never held a UK driving license Kelt? It's nothing to be ashamed of, some of the questions are quite tricky I'm told.

 

I most certainly was driving when I was living in Scotchland... took me two attempts to pass, like, because I almost hit some tosser on a pushbike as I was pulling onto the Lang Stracht. Smashed my Golfie into a corporation bus, smashed my Renault into a stationary tree, smashed my Cavalier into a corporation bus just like the Golfie, smashed my Nissan into a wall... I wasnae a particularly GOOD driver, admittedly, but I had my license all the same

 

But any fannying done in 2005 was done from America, more specifically between Kentucky and Michigan.

 

Bizarrely I was given my Yankee Driving License at the FIRST attempt, and this is despite me actually, literally, not even sexing this up at all, this is despite the instructor on the day of my test saying, "I want you to turn left and get all the way over to the left."

 

And I did... I got ALL the way over to the left and found myself headed into oncoming traffic.

 

And the lad still hands me my license :D

 

Passed the written test with flying colors, by the way. American colors.

 

The questions are pretty tricky, like...

 

What side is the steering wheel on?

 

If you could have any color car, what color would you get?

 

Really?

 

I bet that's a nice car, is it? YES/NO

 

Easy enough for even a half sober Kelt, the American driving test.

 

It was only when I got onto the roads in America, driving for myself, that I was actually in the top 10% of best drivers in the U.S.

[Bobby Connor]

The best place to take your test would be somewhere like Greece, where a crash is mandatory.