Offshore Advice

[fcaberdeen]

How we doing fellow reds.

 

Recently completed a HND in Mechancial Engineering but after applying for lots of jobs still never heard back from anyone. Got myself a part-time job and so decided to put myself through the survival course to try and get offshore.

 

Just a few things I'd like to know.

 

Firstly do you need to be a good swimmer to do the survival? I've not been swimming in at least 10 years and was poor then so doubt I'd be any good now.

Secondly where's the best place to do it, found two companies online but as someone not from aberdeen maybe you city folks would have a better idea where to go.

And finally whats the chances of getting offshore pretty quickly, would be happy to start at any level and work up.

 

Cheers for any help.

[Jones]

Petrofac is where I did mine, pretty good centre.

 

No, just tell them you're a poor swimmer and they'll put you next to the window. Not that you have to swim far anyway, even doing the life raft stuff.

[King Street Loon]

Falck Nutec in Dyce do it too.

Doesn't matter if you're a poor or none swimmer.

There are instructors in the water with, you and like someone else said they'll put you near the 'helicopter' window in the exercises.

Plus you can get inflatable armbands if you're really unsure about the swimming.

[ChutneyLove]

and they most certainly should not be mollycoddled through an offshore survival.

When I did my RGIT survival there was this twat who couldn't swim on the course. He was fucking hopeless. Couldn't right the raft, had to get the divers to get him out the chopper simulator, was all biscuit-ersed and couldn't jump off the platform - just a fucking grade A trumpet.

 

Anyway, at the end of the course I assumed he was going to get telt to jog the fuck on and get a job in Fine-Fare and not offshore. He got the certificate the same as everyone else. Proof that paying the fee and attending is enough to get the qualification. I remember thinking I would refuse to get on a chopper if he was ever on it, the fucking oxygen thief.

[StandFree1982]

We had a foreign guy on our survival course who didn't understand a word of English. He sat there through the training and the instructor asked him a question and realised that he hadn't understood ANYTHING that he was being told, he didn't even know the word "Safety". I think he still passed though.

 

We had another guy who couldn't stay under water for longer than a few seconds. You were meant to hold your breath and go under the water for about 10 seconds, he failed at that.

 

If you can't swim, you shouldn't be on an offshore installation for your own good. If the thing goes down, you won't have someone hand you armbands and have a couple of people to help you out...you'll be on your own!

[Terrorfex]

People who can't swim should be drowned, or if that's too good for them, not employed as it's obvious that their parents were shite for not teaching them.

 

Out of genuine curiosity, I wonder how much longer someone who can swim (in the traditional sense; not sink to the bottom of an indoor heated swimming pool) would last without a life jacket or survival suit in the North Sea compared to the same for someone who can't.

 

I'd imagine if you find yourself out at sea with no flotation devices or protection, it's game over pretty quickly regardless of your Bronze, Silver or Gold Swimming Certificate with the little frog/teddy bear on the front.

[Chappit Neeps]

When I did mine, there was a lad in a turban who refuse to take it off...so he had to balance the helmet on top. THEN he got in the pool & couldna swim a stroke or pur his head under the water.

 

He left soon after being told what thon big helicopter lookin thing was about to do! Really shouldn't have been there in the first place.

[Bluto10]

Out of genuine curiosity, I wonder how much longer someone who can swim (in the traditional sense; not sink to the bottom of an indoor heated swimming pool) would last without a life jacket or survival suit in the North Sea compared to the same for someone who can't.

 

I'd imagine if you find yourself out at sea with no flotation devices or protection, it's game over pretty quickly regardless of your Bronze, Silver or Gold Swimming Certificate with the little frog/teddy bear on the front.

 

 

i reckon cheesepipes could last a whole lifetime in the sea.

fat floats, you see.

[The Boofon]

Out of genuine curiosity, I wonder how much longer someone who can swim (in the traditional sense; not sink to the bottom of an indoor heated swimming pool) would last without a life jacket or survival suit in the North Sea compared to the same for someone who can't.

 

I'd imagine if you find yourself out at sea with no flotation devices or protection, it's game over pretty quickly regardless of your Bronze, Silver or Gold Swimming Certificate with the little frog/teddy bear on the front.

 

 

Regarding a helicopter ditching it would be an odd situation you find yourself to be in if you were in the drink without a life jacket and survival suit.

[Jones]

i might get a ride off your whale of a wife.

 

[daytripping]

How we doing fellow reds.

 

Recently completed a HND in Mechancial Engineering but after applying for lots of jobs still never heard back from anyone. Got myself a part-time job and so decided to put myself through the survival course to try and get offshore.

 

Just a few things I'd like to know.

 

Firstly do you need to be a good swimmer to do the survival? I've not been swimming in at least 10 years and was poor then so doubt I'd be any good now.

Secondly where's the best place to do it, found two companies online but as someone not from aberdeen maybe you city folks would have a better idea where to go.

And finally whats the chances of getting offshore pretty quickly, would be happy to start at any level and work up.

 

Cheers for any help.

 

Have you applied for trainee jobs with the big service firms? Baker, Halliburton, Schlumberger etc are always on the look out for new people, we've just been told things are going to get even busier over the next few Months and the company is recruiting, try something like wireline or cementing to get your foot in the door. They'll pay for your courses.

 

http://www.halliburton.com/careers/default.aspx?navid=2013&pageid=4209

[Big Man]

Have you applied for trainee jobs with the big service firms? Baker, Halliburton, Schlumberger etc are always on the look out for new people, we've just been told things are going to get even busier over the next few Months and the company is recruiting, try something like wireline or cementing to get your foot in the door. They'll pay for your courses.

 

http://www.halliburt...013&pageid=4209

 

Dayts, or anyone who kens...

 

I was chatting with this 23 year-old fat blonde mess on the train today who reckons she's a drilling fluids engineer for baker hughes and she earns over 45k a year - she graduated last year.

 

Is this within the realms of possibility or is she taking pish?

[jassb]

I would say there a good chance she could have been telling you the truth Big Man. Does sound a lot for someone just graduated but probably with bonuses I'd think that could be right.

[dervish]

Dayts, or anyone who kens...

 

I was chatting with this 23 year-old fat blonde mess on the train today who reckons she's a drilling fluids engineer for baker hughes and she earns over 45k a year - she graduated last year.

 

Is this within the realms of possibility or is she taking pish?

 

I'm not offshore or even in oil but I'd guess

[Big Man]

I'm not offshore or even in oil but I'd guess

[tup]

Join the Freemasons and a whole world of easy tasks for ludicrous reward awaits you.

 

If you want to succeed offshore dinna bother sticking in at school.

 

Qualifications, squalifications.

 

As long as you know who yer faither is, and how deep your granny's fishtank is, you can have any job you want, signed, sealed and delivered in a blizzard of funny handshakes, knowing winks and rolled up trooser legs.

 

If yer faither isna connected, I wouldna go offshore, they'll just make a cunt of you, and you canna get away from them.

[buchanskii]

Dayts, or anyone who kens...

 

I was chatting with this 23 year-old fat blonde mess on the train today who reckons she's a drilling fluids engineer for baker hughes and she earns over 45k a year - she graduated last year.

 

Is this within the realms of possibility or is she taking pish?

 

I just graduated this year in Mechanical Engineering and from what I seen, the best graduate jobs with the big guns like BP, Petrofac, Wood Group, Talisman etc. were starting around 30k for Masters. A lot of these companies do bonuses as well which can be up to 30% and plus if they have to travel they can receive some pretty good day rates for every day they are away. So to summarise, I reckon it could be entirely possible. Although, you have to be a smug, ass-kissing, bell-piece to even get a look in for one of those positions

[Old Wing Stand]

I'm not offshore or even in oil but I'd guess

[The Boofon]

Dayts, or anyone who kens...

 

I was chatting with this 23 year-old fat blonde mess on the train today who reckons she's a drilling fluids engineer for baker hughes and she earns over 45k a year - she graduated last year.

 

Is this within the realms of possibility or is she taking pish?

 

Very possible but anyone who tells you how much they earn during a first time meeting deserves executing. (130k per annum)

 

Did you get a cheeky finger and a wank under the table Big Man.

[Henry]

 

 

I was chatting with this 23 year-old fat blonde mess on the train today

 

Any footage for us?

 

 

 

[fcaberdeen]

Have you applied for trainee jobs with the big service firms? Baker, Halliburton, Schlumberger etc are always on the look out for new people, we've just been told things are going to get even busier over the next few Months and the company is recruiting, try something like wireline or cementing to get your foot in the door. They'll pay for your courses.

 

http://www.halliburton.com/careers/default.aspx?navid=2013&pageid=4209

Have applied for a few trainee jobs but heard nothing, not seen this site that you've posted so will have a look cheers.

[Bluto10]

Dayts, or anyone who kens...

 

I was chatting with this 23 year-old fat blonde mess on the train today who reckons she's a drilling fluids engineer for baker hughes and she earns over 45k a year - she graduated last year.

 

Is this within the realms of possibility or is she taking pish?

 

thats a good little bunsen for some school kid.

 

do service companies pay that much for wet behind the ears students?

[The Boofon]

thats a good little bunsen for some school kid.

 

do service companies pay that much for wet behind the ears students?

 

 

What do you think?

[Bluto10]

What do you think?

 

what do i think about what? the 45k?

 

i'd expect shell/bp etc to pay 45k for a graduate.

 

but not baker, schlumberger etc.

 

just from my experience of course. times change, so i could easily be wrong. of course some loud mouth student monkey could easily be pulling big mans chain.

[Nelly]

Dayts, or anyone who kens...

 

I was chatting with this 23 year-old fat blonde mess on the train today who reckons she's a drilling fluids engineer for baker hughes and she earns over 45k a year - she graduated last year.

 

Is this within the realms of possibility or is she taking pish?

 

Feeling aggrieved that your law degree doesn't get you anywhere near that? Her basic will be in the high 20s but she'll be offshore a lot so her offshore bonus will get her up to 45k. Best place for her by the sounds of it.

[ChutneyLove]

Feeling aggrieved that your law degree doesn't get you anywhere near that? Her basic will be in the high 20s but she'll be offshore a lot so her offshore bonus will get her up to 45k. Best place for her by the sounds of it.

Best place for her? Are you for real. The fat fucking bitch doesn't need to be offshore where she can trough four three-course meals and four extensive smoko snacks a day - she's going to turn into that heffer from the Bride of the Month thread. She needs to be sold into prostitution and get a junk habit - money will be about the same and the weight will drop off in no time.

[The Boofon]

what do i think about what? the 45k?

 

i'd expect shell/bp etc to pay 45k for a graduate.

 

but not baker, schlumberger etc.

 

just from my experience of course. times change, so i could easily be wrong. of course some loud mouth student monkey could easily be pulling big mans chain.

 

No the question you asked.

 

"do service companies pay that much for wet behind the ears students?"

 

What do you think?

 

BP have their graduates in the Challenger pay scale and it enters at the bottom grade. Not the greatest pay but it goes up depending where they get located for their role.

 

Overseas = big uplift.

 

Stay in UK = no uplift.

[ChutneyLove]

Oh, and my actual real offshore advice? Wear flip-flops in the shower. They've had mair spunk than Snuffy Ivy.

[Nelly]

what do i think about what? the 45k?

 

i'd expect shell/bp etc to pay 45k for a graduate.

 

but not baker, schlumberger etc.

 

just from my experience of course. times change, so i could easily be wrong. of course some loud mouth student monkey could easily be pulling big mans chain.

 

its actually companies like Nexen, Marathon, ConocoPhilips etc that pay more for graduates - probably getting close to 40k now (was low/mid 30s about 5 years ago). BP and Shell aren't the big (basic wage) payers that people expect them to be, contractors yes but staff no.

[Bluto10]

No the question you asked.

 

"do service companies pay that much for wet behind the ears students?"

 

What do you think?

 

 

well i dont know. i'm neither a graduate nor do i work for a service company.

 

was simply replying to bms post. im sure some on here must have direct experience with service cos current wage structure and graduate packages.