Being A Retard

[The Boofon]

So I'm viewing Kelt's adult romper suit that he bought and is now kidding on he stumbled across it on Amazon.

 

I'm using a smartphone and wanted to right click to view the properties of the picture. How do you do that on a phone I thought to myself. What definitely doesn't work is using another finger to tap the screen. I knew that. It's fucking obvious. I still did it though.

 

Probably the most retarded thing I've done in a long time.

 

What's yours?

[bonzodaddy73]

Just this morning I poured the hot water from the kettle into the coffee jar and not my cup.

[The Boofon]

Just this morning I poured the hot water from the kettle into the coffee jar and not my cup.

 

 

Did you taste it?

 

I'd have given it a try.

[bonzodaddy73]

Did you taste it?

 

I'd have given it a try.

Haha I did actually. Kinda strong but I like it like that.

[Ke1t]

 

Probably the most retarded thing I've done in a long time.

 

What's yours?

 

Recently opened a couple of Boofon's threads....

[barassie_afc]

better watch the PC brigade will be after you , if its any consolation i melted a pair of nike trainers in my washing machine

[vanderark14]

Never go full retard

[Ke1t]

Never go full retard

 

Sound advice...

 

[radiatorbleeder]

made a right tit of myself at work the other day.

 

boy walks through to the office to use the printer and was like "ANOTHER JAM!!??"

 

I stands up and belts oot "aye i hear it goes well on toast"

 

the silence in the office was deafening

[Jigot]

I once spent 3/4 of an hour trying to light an oven with a Zippo lighter.The oven was electric, but mind you ,I was stoned oot ma nut,and I needed Beef Wellington oh so fucking bad.

[The Boofon]

made a right tit of myself at work the other day.

 

boy walks through to the office to use the printer and was like "ANOTHER JAM!!??"

 

I stands up and belts oot "aye i hear it goes well on toast"

 

the silence in the office was deafening

 

 

I witnessed a guy at a safety meeting offshore ask if anyone has any questions at the end of the meeting.

 

Someone piped up with "Why is orange jam called marmalade?"

[Ke1t]

I needed Beef Wellington oh so fucking bad.

 

From Urban Dictionary

 

3. Beef Wellington

Two men wrap their penises in shrinkwrap and stand face to face. Each man takes turns slapping the other's penis with their hand until one of the men gets an erection. Whoever gets the erection loses!

 

[The Boofon]

From Urban Dictionary

 

3. Beef Wellington

Two men wrap their penises in shrinkwrap and stand face to face. Each man takes turns slapping the other's penis with their hand until one of the men gets an erection. Whoever gets the erection loses!

 

 

 

You fail to mention that the winner gets an Alaskan Pipeline.

[Jigot]

From Urban Dictionary

 

3. Beef Wellington

Two men wrap their penises in shrinkwrap and stand face to face. Each man takes turns slapping the other's penis with their hand until one of the men gets an erection. Whoever gets the erection loses!

 

And there's me thinking it was a piece of roast beef coated in pate,then enclosed in pastry,placed in a pre-heated oven at a temp of 180 for 25-30 mins.

Chips and egg for me from now on,none of that shit for me.

Thanks for the info Ke1t and I'm no even gonnae ask how you know.

 

ps Do you have Fudruckers in Detroit?

[Bluto10]

brilliant kelt, brilliant.

[Jigot]

brilliant kelt, brilliant.

It's brilliant is it?,ah'm no so I'll just take your word for it.

[Ke1t]

You fail to mention that the winner gets an Alaskan Pipeline.

 

Which version?

 

1. trans-alaskan pipeline

Where someone shits into a condom, freezes it, then uses it as a dildo.

 

2. trans-alaskan pipeline

Two people/animals put each others assholes together as if their assholes are kissing, then one proceeds to shit from their asshole into the other asshole without breaking the pipeline and letting shit fall out onto the floor.

 

[Ke1t]

And there's me thinking it was a piece of roast beef coated in pate,then enclosed in pastry,placed in a pre-heated oven at a temp of 180 for 25-30 mins.

Chips and egg for me from now on,none of that shit for me.

Thanks for the info Ke1t and I'm no even gonnae ask how you know.

 

ps Do you have Fudruckers in Detroit?

 

There's a Fudruckers a few miles north of here on Van Dyke Road.... colloquially known as FUDDS.

 

Good burgers, hilarious name.

 

"Want some Fudds?" someone will ask, at which point I will literally break down in sobs of juvenile laughter.

 

"YES! BRING ME SOME FUDDS THAT I MIGHT MUNCH ON THEM!" I will howl with lolness.

 

[The Boofon]

Which version?

 

1. trans-alaskan pipeline

Where someone shits into a condom, freezes it, then uses it as a dildo.

 

2. trans-alaskan pipeline

Two people/animals put each others assholes together as if their assholes are kissing, then one proceeds to shit from their asshole into the other asshole without breaking the pipeline and letting shit fall out onto the floor.

 

 

The first one. The second one I'd say is physically impossible.

[Jigot]

There's a Fudruckers a few miles north of here on Van Dyke Road.... colloquially known as FUDDS.

 

Good burgers, hilarious name.

 

"Want some Fudds?" someone will ask, at which point I will literally break down in sobs of juvenile laughter.

 

"YES! BRING ME SOME FUDDS THAT I MIGHT MUNCH ON THEM!" I will howl with lolness.

 

I've only been to the one in Alexandria,VA.It's usually the last place I stop at before flying home.

[Ke1t]

The first one. The second one I'd say is physically impossible.

 

I dunno, I've seen some pretty gaping arseholes on the internets... you could probably throw tennis balls up them, squeezing one out into them would be child's play*

 

* Not literally child's play, unless you want to go to prison, like.

[tup]

I bow to bluto's superior knowledge on this issue, let him hold court on a specialist subject I say, it's a rare opportunity for him to express himself.

[Jigot]

I bow to bluto's superior knowledge on this issue, let him hold court on a specialist subject I say, it's a rare opportunity for him to express himself.

Does he produce breast milk anna?

[a don in oz]

Think that's the second time that a thread on this site managed to make me actually bowk. Well done....

[tommo1903]

You fail to mention that the winner gets an Alaskan Pipeline.

 

 

Folk still go on about that at work.

 

Spilled soup all down myself at work the other week. Whole shirt ruined, spent the rest of the day reeking of leeks.

 

I tend to bring out the stupid in people without being stupid myself.

[The Boofon]

 

Folk still go on about that at work.

 

Spilled soup all down myself at work the other week. Whole shirt ruined, spent the rest of the day reeking of leeks.

I tend to bring out the stupid in people without being stupid myself.

 

 

If you'd been on leek scone duty no one would have noticed.

[robbojunior]

Using computers every day, i get used to using the keyboard shortcut Ctrl+Z to undo the last command.

 

Very occasionally, i will do something stupid in real life (ie not on a computer for all you fucking pedantic wankbags), for example, drop a teaspoon into the bin by mistake, and my instant reaction is to mentally do a Ctrl+Z to undo it.

 

I then stand there thinking, erm dipshit.

[robbojunior]

thats weird

 

like, REALLY weird

 

Correct - hence it being in the 'being a retard' thread as opposed to the 'normal everyday things you do' thread.

[The Boofon]

Using computers every day, i get used to using the keyboard shortcut Ctrl+Z to undo the last command.

 

Very occasionally, i will do something stupid in real life (ie not on a computer for all you fucking pedantic wankbags), for example, drop a teaspoon into the bin by mistake, and my instant reaction is to mentally do a Ctrl+Z to undo it.

 

I then stand there thinking, erm dipshit.

 

I use computers every day and didn't know Ctrl + Z did that.

[tup]

Nor did I.

 

What a geek you are robbojunior.