Kelt's Bumper Thread O Racism

[Ke1t]

Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are in the pub. The Englishman goes, "I'm a faggot, so I'll have a sherry... what are you all drinking?

 

"I'm an ignorant, boghopping Mick, Begorragh!" Says the ignorant, boghopping Mick. "So I'll have a Guinness, and a top o the mornin' to ya!"

 

"I'm a tightfisted, sweaty Jock," says the Scotsman, "So I'll have a Cocoa."

 

The English Puff and the Inbred Drunk look puzzled, but the Englishman gets the drinks in anyway.

 

"Ah, 'tis moy round!" says the toothless paddy. "Being a toothless Paddy, Oyl be 'avin' a Guinness. "How about you lads, to be sure to be sure?"

 

"Well, since I'm an effeminate closet homosexual," says the Englishman, "I'll have a sherry."

 

"And I'll hae a Cocoa." says the Hairy arsed barbarian from north of the border.

 

The queer and the idiot look puzzled, but the leprechaun-looking fuck gets the drinks in all the same.

 

Comes to the Scotsman's round and he's fast asleep.

 

Boom!

 

Tish.

 

[Jigot]

What do you call a Pakistani with a bullet proof vest on?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P'ting P'ting

[tup]

Two darkies floating down a river in a sleeping bag?

 

A Drifter.

[BrianFaePerth]

Ole from Norway was tired of it being cold, dark and miserable for 9 months of the year.

 

One day he decided to do something about it, got in his car and put a pair of skis on the roofrack. The first place he came to where the locals didn't know what skis were would be the place he would settle.

 

He drove day after day but in a myriad of languages the locals still knew what those pieces of wood on the top of the car were.

 

Eventually he arrived in South Africa. He parked his car and Njumbe wandered up asking what he had on his roof rack. He was genuinely perplexed.

 

Perfect thought Ole, this is where I will move. No more cold and snow, just sun and a new life. He settled in quickly and was soon on the phone to his good friends Sven, Hans, and Johan, laughing at the latest weather forecast from Norway and telling them to get their erses down to South Africa.

 

Hearing of Ole's wonderful new life, the guys thought "fuck this", sorted out their stuff and got on the plane to Johannesburg.

 

They arrived at his house only to find everything empty. Sven went over to a local and asked "Do you know where Ole is?".

 

"Yes" replied the local, "he drove off this morning with two keffirs (blacks) on his roof rack"

[The Boofon]

Ole from Norway was tired of it being cold, dark and miserable for 9 months of the year.

 

One day he decided to do something about it, got in his car and put a pair of skis on the roofrack. The first place he came to where the locals didn't know what skis were would be the place he would settle.

 

He drove day after day but in a myriad of languages the locals still knew what those pieces of wood on the top of the car were.

 

Eventually he arrived in South Africa. He parked his car and Njumbe wandered up asking what he had on his roof rack. He was genuinely perplexed.

 

Perfect thought Ole, this is where I will move. No more cold and snow, just sun and a new life. He settled in quickly and was soon on the phone to his good friends Sven, Hans, and Johan, laughing at the latest weather forecast from Norway and telling them to get their erses down to South Africa.

 

Hearing of Ole's wonderful new life, the guys thought "fuck this", sorted out their stuff and got on the plane to Johannesburg.

 

They arrived at his house only to find everything empty. Sven went over to a local and asked "Do you know where Ole is?".

 

"Yes" replied the local, "he drove off this morning with two keffirs (blacks) on his roof rack"

 

 

The smiley was made for that one.

[BrianFaePerth]

The smiley was made for that one.

 

Admittedly it does require a certain level of intelligence fae the reader. Fucktard.

[tup]

I don't even get that 'joke'.

 

Norwegians have a quirky sense of humour it has to be said.

 

How do you get 10,000 jews in a phone box?

 

Throw in ten pence.

 

 

 

How do you get 5 people in a Mini?

 

2 in the back, 2 in the front, and Ghandi in the ashtray.

[ChutneyLove]

A blind bilby and a blind pig are running through the bush in Australia when they bang head on into one another.

"Fuck me, what was that" said the bilby.

"Fuck knows what I am, I'm blind, what are you?" said the pig.

"I've no idea, I'm blind too" said the bilby.

"Ok" says the pig, "how about I have a feelie of you and then I will be able to tell you what you are, then you have a feelie of me and you can tell me what I am?"

"Splendid idea" said the bilby.

So the pig stretches out his trotters, "Well, you are all warm and fluffy, you've got flippy, floppy ears, springy legs and a lovely pom-pom tail ....... hmmmmm ....... I think you must be a bilby".

"Yas" said the bilby, "always wanted to know what I was. Right, you come here and I'll have a shotty".

So the bilby reaches out his paws and starts his feelie ... "right, you've got a big fat face .... and it's all crazed and bumpy ...... you've got a huge, horrible nose and its spread all over your mush ..... and I've got to be honest, you smell like shite ...... hmmmmm ........ I think you must be aboriginal".

[Dal Riata Don]

Immigration laws should be tightened and more police time should be spent on deporting illegals and people who have over-stayed their original term of residence.

 

I'm not racist to demand this in the nation of my birth as they all apply to me where I've chosen to reside.

 

 

More effort should be made to teach worthy immigrants about the Scottish way of life and what is acceptable and what isn't so as to help their settling in period.

 

When Scotland gets it's independence I hope that decent immigration laws and cultural studies are one of the things that they implement.

[Jigot]

As a way of apology to North Korea for displaying the South Korean flag at the football,the team will be treated to an all- you- can- eat buffet

at the Battersea Dog Home.

[caledonia]

What do you call 6 blacks in the back of a land rover

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A good days shooting

[Jigot]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU28Pv26nNQ

[ChutneyLove]

What's the difference between a black man and a Christmas decoration?

 

A Christmas decoration doesn't sing 'Old Man River' when you string it up.

[Jigot]

What do you call a deaf Pakistani?

 

 

 

 

Anything you fucking want!

[Iraq_Red]

The dwarf at my work has just been promoted! If his head isn't big enough as it is!

 

What do you call a Scottish Pakistani junkie? Amaf Maheed

 

What do you call an Indian swimming poll attendant? Didjahand Yourbadgein

[Jigot]

Are we permitted to post a little Johnny Rebel?

[Jigot]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8bOrf9I8Hk

[delta1red]

When does a black man turn into a nigger?

 

As soon as he leaves the room.

[delta1red]

"I can't fucking believe it," I screamed, running into the delivery suite. "The baby has come out black."

 

"I know," she said, laying in her hospital bed.

 

"You dirty fucking slag!" I shouted."

 

"I'm not having you talk to me like this," she said. "Get out!"

 

"Talk to you like this?" I yelled. "You've been shagging a nigger!"

 

I looked at the midwife and said, "I honestly can't believe it."

 

She said, "Are you the boyfriend or husband?"

 

I said, "Neither, I don't know her, but it just winds me up when I see a pretty white girl like that getting knocked up by a darkie."

[Henry]

[Henry]

I'll put this here:

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk...mshire-21265496

 

 

 

The author of that article is top totty.