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Questions For Managerial Candidates


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OK Mr candidate, time for question one.

 

1. Q Who will your goalkeeper be?

A I've always been an admirer of Jamie...

 

OK, thanks for coming in can you ask the next candidate to come in please?

 

A It winna be Langfield that is for sure

 

OK we can move onto question 2

 

2. Q Everyone back for a corner, a good idea or utter pish?

A I think it's a good idea...

 

OK, thanks for coming in can you ask the next candidate to come in please?

 

A It's utter pish. I'll be keeping two up, whoever we are playing.

 

OK onto question 3

 

3. Q If you have a good solid centre midfield player will you ever be tempted to turn him into a full back?

A Well if he is versatile...

 

OK, thanks for coming in can you ask the next candidate to come in please?

 

A Of course not, he'll be playing in centre midfield or warming the bench.

 

4. Q Will you be marking the card of referees to make sure they know if they fuck up they will feel your wrath?

A Well,....

 

OK, thanks for coming in can you ask the next candidate to come in please?

 

A I'll let the cunt have it alright.

 

OK, I think we might ask the supporters what we think of you now and you can then move onto the next stage of the process .

 

If Carlsberg did Aberdeen fitba manager interviews.....

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Is the success Aberdeen achieved in the 1980s a motivation for you, and where do you see Aberdeen in Scottish Football?

 

A: Well the fans do have high expectations....

 

Stop right there pal, the doors over there, we'll not waste any more of your time.

 

Correct Answer: It is my ambition to bring Aberdeen up from where they are now and to be challenging for trophies once again, where they should be, and give me a couple of years, I'll have a squad that can have a go at the challenging Celtic all the way.

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What are your ambitions as a manager?

 

A: I want to be respected by people in the Scottish game

 

- thanks don't let the door skelp you on the arse on the way out

 

A: I want to be hated by the people in the Scottish game for breaking the ugly sisters complacent duopoly once again... and then I'll get a better paid job down south. I'm not here to be popular with the press - I'm here to win.

 

- sign here

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Q. Do you like Werthers Originals?

A. Yes.......fuck off to Lanarkshire

 

Q. Do you think a post match inter view should be spent telling the truth or patronising your fans and the opposition?

A. well.....let me think..........

GTF

 

Q. Do you think you should a) set up your team to attack and be in the oppositions faces from the start of the game, or

b) Wait and see what the opposition are doing first

If it's b) then there's the door.

 

Q. Is the top 6 seen as success or mandatory?

A. If it's the former, then try another club

 

Q. Will you take the opportunity to pressurise refs in to feeling they shouldn't give decisions against your club, or will you be seen as a soft touch?

A. I like to toe the party line.....

Good bye, good luck in your next interview

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