Urban Legends You Possibly Believed As A Kid But Were Clearly Shite

[Ke1t]

Not sure I ever believed this one, but there was the one where a couple went to an Indian restaurant and, allegedly, the waiters all spunked in the wife's Chicken Kozhambu, resulting in her having her stomach pumped at A&E and the closure of the restaurant for, presumably, an outrageous breach of Health and Safety policy.

 

This is clearly untrue, particularly in light of the popular Bukkake videos where a young flibberty gibbet will ingest the jisms of 5, 10, 20 or more sweaty Japanese lads with heavily pixelated John Thomases, with nothing more serious occurring than the lady receiving a wayward arc of flying semen to an open eye.

 

Another one which bore no relationship with reality was the lad who was trying to fuck his girlfriend but couldn't get it up, so he stuck his dick in the fridge and/or sprayed a can of Firm Hold hairspray on his little fella.

 

Obviously untrue, and an insult to even a moderately smart 8 year old.

 

 

 

 

[Poodler]

There's a guy who lives round the corner fae me who allegedly is an ex-army/ murdering psycho. Boy is like 60+ now but in my youth it was said if you hit his window with something he would come out with a chainsaw and chase us all through dyce.

 

At the time, perfectly plausible. Looking back, it's so shite I'm surprised it never came from Millertimes pus.

[Sonoftherock]

There's a guy who lives round the corner fae me who allegedly is an ex-army/ murdering psycho. Boy is like 60+ now but in my youth it was said if you hit his window with something he would come out with a chainsaw and chase us all through dyce.

 

At the time, perfectly plausible. Looking back, it's so shite I'm surprised it never came from Millertimes pus.

 

[chaos_defrost]

The one about the man who belly flopped off the top deck at the Bon Accord baths and spilled all his guts into the pool!

[tutankamun]

The kid who's stomach exploded after eating Space Dust and drinking Coke. Clearly a load of pish.

[radiatorbleeder]

think every school has a teacher that a 'peado'

 

kincorths was manny mcghee. folk used to say he'd drop a pinnel to hae a look up the lasies skirts.

[dervish]

If you feed scorries baking soda they blow up.

[ollie1903]

think every school has a teacher that a 'peado'

 

kincorths was manny mcghee. folk used to say he'd drop a pinnel to hae a look up the lasies skirts.

Grammar - Pinky Scott and the Mannie Nugent, proper, old school, menacing, child hungry fickerers.

[Byrne Baby Byrne]

think every school has a teacher that a 'peado'

 

kincorths was manny mcghee. folk used to say he'd drop a pinnel to hae a look up the lasies skirts.

 

Portlethan seems to have had a few that were true

[daytripping]

When this was told to me it was a group of lassies who lived in a flat in Union Grove and they were heading for a night on the town when one decided she had a sore head so was staying in and going to sleep, one of the other girls forgot her purse so went back to get it but didn't want to wake her roommate when she went back to grab it so didn't turn on the light, I couldn't be arsed retyping it.

 

Two dormmates in college were in the same science class. The teacher had just reminded them about the midterm the next day when one dormmate — let's call her Juli — got asked to this big bash by the hottest guy in school. The other dorr roommate, Meg, had pretty much no interest in going and, being a diligent student, she took notes on what the midterm was about. After the entire period of flirting with her date, Juli was totally unprepared for her test, while Meg was completely prepared for a major study date with her books.

At the end of the day, Juli spent hours getting ready for the party while Meg started studying. Juli tried to get Meg to go, but she was insistent that she would study and pass the test. The girls were rather close and Juli didn't like leaving Meg alone to be bored while she was out having a blast. Juli finally gave up, using the excuse that she would cram in homeroom the next day.

Juli went to the party and had the time of her life with her date. She headed back to the dorm around 2 a.m. and decided not to wake Meg. She went to bed nervous about the midterm and decided she would wake up early to ask Meg for help.

She woke up and went to wake Meg. Meg was lying on her stomach, apparently sound asleep. Juli rolled Meg over to reveal Meg's terrified face. Juli, concerned, turned on the desk lamp. Meg's study stuff was still open and had blood all over it. Meg had been slaughtered. Juli, in horror, fell to the floor and looked up to see, written on the wall in Meg's blood: "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the lights!"

[radiatorbleeder]

kincorth did hae johnny forrester like. hibee scum

 

 

 

 

[ollie1903]

The "Mudshrimp Story".

[radiatorbleeder]

fit aboot icers that used to put nails in yer mix up

 

 

 

[daytripping]

The "Mudshrimp Story".

 

is that the one with the live lobster and its tail?

 

I think that's true.

[ChutneyLove]

If you stepped on a crack in the pavement, you'd marry a darkie. Perfectly acceptable 1970s racism.

 

I think the indian meal spunkfest is started in every city by rival Indians. The Khyber Pass wins for me every time, I don't give a hoot what they're putting in it, it's fine. Saying that I might reconsider if I found out I was eating Indian jis.

[ollie1903]

 

is that the one with the live lobster and its tail?

 

I think that's true.

Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life. One morning around 5 am 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub. The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's cunt when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.

[daytripping]

If I was her I'd have chucked the lobster into a pan of boiling water after my wank and had dinner.

[Quagmire]

If you snapped that white tab (can't remember their name) on your Nevica jacket a search and rescue helicopter would land in your playground.

 

If you dared enter Manny Rattery's land behind Glashieburn school you would get shot.

 

Housed closeby, in caravan, was Gudeion who was eventually taking into Cornhill for cooking her babies in the oven.

[ChutneyLove]

If you snapped that white tab (can't remember their name) on your Nevica jacket a search and rescue helicopter would land in your playground.

 

If you dared enter Manny Rattery's land behind Glashieburn school you would get shot.

 

Housed closeby, in caravan, was Gudeion who was eventually taking into Cornhill for cooking her babies in the oven.

 

Quality, I remember that. My one was pastel blue with a shocking horizontal pink stripe! I was proud as fuck of it too.

[Geoff_Tipps]

Think they were called reco or reeco. They were for rescues, but would be picked up like metal detector.

[chief_wiggum]

The local nutter loon that used to chase everyone for no apparent reason used to shag his German Shepherd .......... That said he was mental and kept a horse in his backie that he used to ride (on it's back nae up it's arse ) in the streets of Mastrick so It could have been true I suppose?

[Robbie Winters]

If you snapped that white tab (can't remember their name) on your Nevica jacket a search and rescue helicopter would land in your playground.

 

If you dared enter Manny Rattery's land behind Glashieburn school you would get shot.

 

Housed closeby, in caravan, was Gudeion who was eventually taking into Cornhill for cooking her babies in the oven.

We drove some golf balls into Ratterys greenhouses and smashed them to fuck and he did fire his gun at us. Nae a myth

 

Gideion or fitever her name was was a proper local celeb. Always smiling regardless of how much abuse was hurled at her and yes she was alleged to have done something wrong with her offspring although who would have shagged that, she had very long arms.

 

 

Mannie Sey was the Brig O Don peado from my era, believe he had a stint at Hazlehead as well

 

 

Did Robin Galloway nae have to go to Foresterhill with a lightbulb up his chuff ?

[Huntlysheep]

In Huntly there was the story of the green lady at the castle a ghost of some Lord of Huntly's daughter & if you went into the castle at night she'd kill you & feast on your insides. What a load a pish looking back now but as a youngster on a Fri or Sat night mucking aboot roon aside the Castle i was petrified fan you heard a noise.

[ollie1903]

We drove some golf balls into Ratterys greenhouses and smashed them to fuck and he did fire his gun at us. Nae a myth

 

Gideion or fitever her name was was a proper local celeb. Always smiling regardless of how much abuse was hurled at her and yes she was alleged to have done something wrong with her offspring although who would have shagged that, she had very long arms.

 

 

Mannie Sey was the Brig O Don peado from my era, believe he had a stint at Hazlehead as well

 

 

Did Robin Galloway nae have to go to Foresterhill with a lightbulb up his chuff ?

Was it nae his missus had ziggy the dog stuck up her stench trench?

 

Or something like that anyway

[Ingolfsson]

I'll bet no cunt has ever said Candyman five times into a mirror.

[Tyrant]

If you snapped that white tab (can't remember their name) on your Nevica jacket a search and rescue helicopter would land in your playground.

 

If you dared enter Manny Rattery's land behind Glashieburn school you would get shot.

 

Haha. I mind these two. Especially the second. Although I am living proof of its' fallacy. Me and my pal used to cycle about in the area and although he seemed to spend every waking minute patrolling his ground he never did anything more than shout as us to leave.

[boboisared]

Grammar - Pinky Scott and the Mannie Nugent, proper, old school, menacing, child hungry fickerers.

He was my reggie teacher at St Machar. Always went on about how much he missed Grammar.

 

Potentially because each school is only allowed one paedo teacher and Mannie Firth had taken that mantle?

 

I remember stealing Bertie Block once. Did not go down well at all. When folk are turning up to school with knives yet you're getting a bigger row for stealing a block of wood which a mentally unstable teacher has drawn a face on with a marker pen you know the priorities are wrong.

[Patty]

think every school has a teacher that a 'peado'

 

kincorths was manny mcghee. folk used to say he'd drop a pinnel to hae a look up the lasies skirts.

Ended up being John Forrester the music teacher.

 

Even though a few years back, McGhee was sacked for showing kids how to get porn on the school computers.

 

I've seen his wife. She's nae a pretty sight. Also... What did he keep in that kinky sex cupboard tht he used to lure the girls into? Hmmm...

[Huntlysheep]

My techy teacher at The Gordon Schools in Huntly was a peado' used to eye up the young lassies arses & tits.

[360]

The paedo at my school was an engineering teacher.

 

He used to drop his pencil/pen on purpose so he could look up the girls skirt.