The Insults Thread

[granite sheep]

What's the worst insults you've ever heard or said to folk who actually deserve it?

 

NB any use of the emoticon can get to fuck.

 

Just to get the ball rolling, to an arsehole who fucked me off at work: SUCK THE TEARS OFF MY DICK YOU FUNGAL RIMJOB!!!

[Ke1t]

[Jigot]

I get the distinct impression Ke1t would be capable of both the witty riposte and the sudden eruption of bloodlust. ..................

[Clagnuts]

Depends on the situation but if you want to stop a mouthy lass, average size, in her tracks, call her a fatty.

 

Keep it simple

[360]

I once called someone a "nitwit".

[Jigot]

Shut yer mooth or put seats in it and we'll aw get a run hame.

[The Boofon]

I called Dynamo a hun last week.

[minijc]

"fuck off you fat mess" or "shut the fuck up you obtuse cunt" I also like calling people 'odious'

[Bluto10]

fat and obtuse?

prob tu

[granite sheep]

"fuck off you fat mess" or "shut the fuck up you obtuse cunt" I also like calling people 'odious'

Ach, awa and shite ye odious maggot ridden diseased cum- bubble! Yer ma's a clamidiya infested radioactive mattress!

[Clydeside_Sheep]

"You drive like a spastic"

 

I deploy that against other drivers at least 10-12 times a day, mon-fri. I spend about 90 mins in the car each day, meaning I mention spastics every 9 mins or so on average,

[Ke1t]

"You drive like a spastic"

 

I deploy that against other drivers at least 10-12 times a day, mon-fri. I spend about 90 mins in the car each day, meaning I mention spastics every 9 mins or so on average,

Was in the store today... A couple of morbidly obese sorts that you only ever see in America had grabbed themselves a pair of mobility scooters.

 

They were trundling with glacial slowness up and down the aisles... Which in itself wouldn't have been so bad, but they chose to do so side by side, so that no-one behind them could pass and no-one coming the other way could do anything but turn around and go back in the direction they had just come.

 

It was 'shopping basket blocking the aisle' taken to a whole other level.

[minijc]

Thought you were a fat hoor??

Nah you are confusing me with yourself you old fuck.

[Redstar]

you fucking Dr White honkin' jam-rag fucking spunk-bubble

[minijc]

Na, I would kick your loose titties all over the shop no danger.

Now that's not true you mincing fuck, I'm younger and much faster than you despite being out of fighting weight.

[minijc]

Na, if it came to dirty tactics I'd use the lot. Your entire neighbourhood would get burned to the ground.

Uh, ok soz for the abuse m8

[granite sheep]

Minijc, you're doing it horribly, HORRIBLY FUCKING WRONG YOU AIDS INFECTED CUNT STAIN!

 

THIS! IS! THE! INSULTS! THREAD!!!!!

 

let fly at those who insult you!

 

(well at least until the mods shut the thread)

[minijc]

Sorry you wannabe scouse, fence loving fuck

[tup]

That's more like it you fat prick.

[Henry]

just to get the ball rolling, to an arsehole who fucked me at work:

[Jigot]

you fucking Dr White honkin' jam-rag fucking spunk-bubble

This one does is for me.Mind you if some cunt said it to me I'd probably burst oot laughing, again.

[Jigot]

I would have thought at least some of US might have moved on from last weeks game you shower (or should thon be flock) of sheepshagginmuttonmuffintrawlertossinnothernlightlikkinspunkswollowin cunts.*

 

 

 

 

 

* the above does in noway, in any shape or form whatsoever, reflect the true feelings, beliefs,outlooks and ideals that jigot holds near and dear, nay, if truth were to be told, lives by them.

[granite sheep]

Cock wrangling jambo anal cunt!

[Jigot]

Have you just fell doon fae the canopy ya bawhummin welt?*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*jigot is for no other reason, other than just getting into the spirit of this thread, posting the above.

[granite sheep]

Nit but am seriously hungover. Ma mooth is as dry as the queens vag.

[fine-n-dandy]

I heard your mum got herself pregnant whilst down in Glasgow on her hen night.

[Jigot]

"Smell yer Maw" A term of endearment that requires the accompaniment of ones left arm stretched out, hand upside down with only the middle digit fully extended, to be truly appreciated.

At the same time that you are delivering this cheery greeting, it is highly recommended that behind your back, your right hand is grasping a Buckie bottle at the ready, just incase the recipient of your affable salute, for some strange reason, takes it in a way, different entirely, to what it was intended.*

 

 

 

 

 

*jigot would like to point out that he has never used this phrase and certainly never the action of the arm/hand/digit as he feels that it is reminiscent of the abhorred hail of nazi-ism. What would his Granddad think,who caught one in the stomach from a Spandau, back in '40,eh?

[Jigot]

I heard your mum got herself pregnant whilst down in Glasgow on her hen night.

And what's worse, the Hendoo was in Embra,the utter,utter tart.

[granite sheep]

Oi! Laser breath! Yir maw wis a toaster!!

[tightbreeks]

not really an insult more of a veiled threat I heard in Bathgate the other day.

 

"oi connor ye wee cunt, come here or your no getting a go of that fuckin gta 5"

 

connor ran back to his mum at the bus stop.