Things Not To Say

[Robbie Winters]

Whilst the missus was wittering on about some new make up shop opening in town I muttered "No matter how exclusive and expensive it is, it's not really going to help you, is it?"

 

Major sulk ensued until I talked my way out of it pleading banter.

 

Cannae say nothing nowadays without someone been offended

 

What was your last or best quote to offend your wife/GF/bum chum ?

[fine-n-dandy]

Whilst the missus was wittering on about some new make up shop opening in town I muttered "No matter how exclusive and expensive it is, it's not really going to help you, is it?"

 

Major sulk ensued until I talked my way out of it pleading banter.

 

Cannae say nothing nowadays without someone been offended

 

What was your last or best quote to offend your wife/GF/bum chum ?

Was it really banter though? you can tell us

[daytripping]

Read on mad this morning that loads are up in arms because the chicken supper song was sung on Saturday, how sanitised is football coming when you can't wind up the tics anymore without loads of people being upset.

[Sonoftherock]

Whilst the missus was wittering on about some new make up shop opening in town I muttered "No matter how exclusive and expensive it is, it's not really going to help you, is it?"

 

Major sulk ensued until I talked my way out of it pleading banter.

 

Cannae say nothing nowadays without someone been offended

 

What was your last or best quote to offend your wife/GF/bum chum ?

 

FFS! I would have been on the receiving end of a smack in the pus if I'd said something like that! Reckon you got away lightly with a major sulk!

[K-9]

Things not to say?

 

I have moved some posts as they were off topic and utter pish.

[K-9]

And i believe a couple of our fans learnt they shouldn't shout out at porkheid "ya fuckin fenian bastards".

 

Or they will when in court getting banning orders!!

[RTYD]

Read on mad this morning that loads are up in arms because the chicken supper song was sung on Saturday, how sanitised is football coming when you can't wind up the tics anymore without loads of people being upset.

For complaints please call 80 80 80

[RTYD]

For complaints please call 80 80 80

 

For complaints about complaints call 802 802

[Huntlysheep]

Read on mad this morning that loads are up in arms because the chicken supper song was sung on Saturday, how sanitised is football coming when you can't wind up the tics anymore without loads of people being upset.

Greeting al fuds. Ffs it's a song to wind up the unwashed masses. Fit do they want? To a hud hands & sing kumbiya? (sp)

[Huntlysheep]

I told my dame in no uncertain terms Dons are 1st in my life. Still sleeping on the sofa yet.

[Jings Crivvens]

Just telling a woman she has too many shoes and they look at you as if you wiped your cock on the curtains

[The Boofon]

For complaints please call 80 80 80

 

Don't call 0182 MUCH.

[chaos_defrost]

I remember making the mistake of telling an ex she was a 'fine size' after she made some comment about needing to lose weight (honestly thought she had a great body). Got one of her trademark glares and she said if I'd said the same thing to her sister (who also had a great body, possibly better than my ex's) about her sister's weight her sister would have smacked me.

 

If you don't have anything extremely nice to say regarding a women's appearance, it's best not to say anything at all.

[dervish]

"When are you away to do your hair?" when she'd just spent her usual hour at it.

[chaos_defrost]

Those tom tom ads on the radio atm are quite good! One with the girl who's got great news and her friend butt's in before she tells her the news saying it's great news that she's pregnant and that she thought she was starting to show when she's just movin in with her man and another one with the girl who says to her pal she's got plenty of time to get changed once they arrive at the wedding when she's already dressed to go!

[tainboy]

For some wholly unreasonable er .....reason. My mrs hates it when I say "I'm sorry you're mistaking me for someone that gives a fuck" when we "talk".

[DD1903]

Those tom tom ads on the radio atm are quite good! One with the girl who's got great news and her friend butt's in before she tells her the news saying it's great news that she's pregnant and that she thought she was starting to show when she's just movin in with her man and another one with the girl who says to her pal she's got plenty of time to get changed once they arrive at the wedding when she's already dressed to go!

Did someone edit out your punctuation ?!

[BrianFaePerth]

One thing in oor hoose that is guaranteed to end in an argument is, say for example, Mrs Byen prangs her car. It's happened before, it'll happen again. If eh even hint at that she should be more careful and watch where she's going, then she goes ballistic, apparently it's all my fault.

 

By contrast, if eh dinna charge the iPad (it's apparently my responsibility) and she has to wait to use it, eh am worse than Hitler.

[Tommy]

Ticka Ticka Timex Traaaaa Laaaaaa Laaaaa doesn't go down well in Dungdee.

[RTYD]

Ticka Ticka Timex Traaaaa Laaaaaa Laaaaa doesn't go down well in Dungdee.

It's OK now, they've all moved from the dole to state pension.

[Robbie Winters]

Another faux pas of mine was when she was pregnant and as she mourned the loss of her shapely body(aye right) I said "don't worry, in 6 months you will be this big" thus gesturing with arms curved out and severely puffed out face, like Johhny Vegas.

 

Deodorant can launched

[tommo1903]

I told my dame in no uncertain terms Dons are 1st in my life. Still sleeping on the sofa yet.

 

You live with your parents. Why are you sleeping on your parents sofa?

[Jigot]

"Stinky Knickers!" I shouted out the window at a wank bank hottie,totally forgetting I was in my car with my wife and no in the works van with workmates.

[ChutneyLove]

 

You live with your parents. Why are you sleeping on your parents sofa?

Parents are huns.

[ChutneyLove]

"Stinky Knickers!" I shouted out the window at a wank bank hottie,totally forgetting I was in my car with my wife and no in the works van with workmates.

Quality. No explanation necessary I suppose, because there's no backing down from it.

 

I once got my mate to pull my finger in the pub and farted, completely forgetting that my brand new bird was standing right next to me.

[Jigot]

Quality. No explanation necessary I suppose, because there's no backing down from it.

 

I once got my mate to pull my finger in the pub and farted, completely forgetting that my brand new bird was standing right next to me.

The fact that you have been raised with manners, so proper and debonnaire and very much like myself, stands proudly out.

Well played sir!

[Guest]

Gee goh, as they might say in Frunce. Question for you.

 

Your choice of words. Stinky knickers. Just why?

 

Designed to offend? An insult? Or a communist call to arms, like Jock Tamson's bairns?

 

Or is this a cat call, like a chat up line? Does this strategy work? Have you gotten many orgasms this way?

 

It could be a resignation expression. Like she was too good for you, you were never going to have her?

 

You could just throw acid in her face next time.

[BrianFaePerth]

One eh re-learnt last night...

 

Just as you are dropping off to sleep and the missus decides it's a good time to tell you about her day, dinna say, "ffs let me sleep"

[Robbie Winters]

One eh re-learnt last night...

 

Just as you are dropping off to sleep and the missus decides it's a good time to tell you about her day, dinna say, "ffs let me sleep"

No, what you don't say is "So tell me about your day?"

[DD1903]

I always find that when you tell someone that you can see their weight loss 'in their face', it never seems to go down well...