Is There A Baker In The Hoose.

[Jigot]

Out of sheer boredom I have started to make my ain bread. My loafs turn oot braw but my attempts to make rolls has resulted in utter shambolic failure. The only edible ones looked like fucking muffins, and the rest always end up harder than a stane oot a burn. I follow the instructions carefully and have moved the oven shelf up and fucking down to see if that was the cause but naw.

What I'm I daein wrong?

[tightbreeks]

stop using the bi-carb for the white, get it in the mix!

 

are they not fluffing up?

[StevieT1986]

Could be a few things. If you tell me what your doing step by step then I could maybe point you in the right direction

[Jigot]

I use the Wrights bread mix from Tescoli, normally the Sun Dried Tomato & Parmesan version ( tastes like Pizza for the the thicker of us cunts) Go through the same procedure as when making loaves apart from the baking time but then the rolls come out rock 'ard. The ones that ended up looking like muffins I had put in a cake baking tray and apart from the look they tasted braw. Could the temp of the water in the mix be the problem? I don't have a problem usually with the bigger doad's of bread apart from the one time when I used boiling water oot the kettle.

[StevieT1986]

Water is supposed to be luke warm roughly 37c.

 

Once the bread mix is mafe leave it in a bowl wrapped with cling film somewhere warm and let the bread proove until its double in size.

 

Then knock the air out and roll your bread rolls out to desired shape and leave to double in size. Stick in the oven at 200c for 10-15 mins. Once out the oven btushed with melted butter then leave to cool.

[Jigot]

Water is supposed to be luke warm roughly 37c.

 

Once the bread mix is mafe leave it in a bowl wrapped with cling film somewhere warm and let the bread proove until its double in size.

 

Then knock the air out and roll your bread rolls out to desired shape and leave to double in size. Stick in the oven at 200c for 10-15 mins. Once out the oven btushed with melted butter then leave to cool.

So you proove it twice?

[tommo1903]

[dervish]

I'd think the problem is that it's meant for pizza bases which dinna rise like a roll? I'd switch to the normal white mix and if you want different flavours in it stick em in. Dry shit only though cos I'd think wet stuff would fuck it up a bit. Has it got you putting olive oil in it?

[Guest]

Good on ya Jee Goh, trying to make yer ain breadstuffs.

 

For any real bakers checking in, why are you all so shite at your job? Have you never been abroad? Why are Scottish bakers the worst in Europe by a considerable margin? Almost everything in our shops is utter shite, both in taste and in crimes against health.

 

Unless you're only giving the customers what they want, Scoatlan being the sickest man in Europe? That's why our fruit and vegetables are all tasteless shite (Sainsburys excepted) as the demand for quality isn't here. Never thought of taking a risk and producing bakery stuff like the continentals do? Would there not be a market for good shit? I would drive up to 10 miles for a decent baker, possibly even 20 miles once in a while.

[dervish]

Good on ya Jee Goh, trying to make yer ain breadstuffs.

 

For any real bakers checking in, why are you all so shite at your job? Have you never been abroad? Why are Scottish bakers the worst in Europe by a considerable margin? Almost everything in our shops is utter shite, both in taste and in crimes against health.

 

Unless you're only giving the customers what they want, Scoatlan being the sickest man in Europe? That's why our fruit and vegetables are all tasteless shite (Sainsburys excepted) as the demand for quality isn't here. Never thought of taking a risk and producing bakery stuff like the continentals do? Would there not be a market for good shit? I would drive up to 10 miles for a decent baker, possibly even 20 miles once in a while.

 

The shitest bread I've ever had was in Italy. Lots of it actually. Is that you Jimmy?

[Guest]

 

The shitest bread I've ever had was in Italy. Lots of it actually. Is that you Jimmy?

 

Was it worse than Warburtons?

 

I seen a French man and his young daughter asking for bread to accompany their meal in the Ship Inn, Stonehaven once. This is a reasonable request, I thought and certainly not warranting the look of abject horror that the young, very thick waitress was giving them. When they were more than half way through their meal, she brought a plate with two slices of cardboard, the type of bread that all supermarkets sell in packages that makes the product invisible. No butter, no knife, just two slices of shit.

[dervish]

Yeah a lot worse, really. My gf works in a bakers and reckoned that it is the worst she has ever tasted, only one place out of loads had any decent bread.

 

What defines the best for you?

[Guest]

Hmmm... defining bakery product quality. Not a field I'm experienced in. Hey man, I'm just a consumer.

 

For instance, the kuchen in Germany, the baguettes in France, the torte frutti in Italy.

 

Compare any continental product with our Scottish baker shite. No comparison.

 

Then again, I noticed Deli France has disappeared from the Bon Accord centre and yet Greggs is heaving.

 

Says it all. Scoatlan contains shite.

[dervish]

It'll take a buttery over a croissant any day. Similar things but to say everything scottish is shite is as ignorant as saying it's all the best. Poor form.

[Guest]

Fit? I'm nae fond of neither croissants nor butterys but they're hardly "similar things". Where's the lard in a croissant?

 

Poor form? It's an opinion for fuck sake. I can't stand the stodge, the sugar and the shite in bakeries in this country. Even sweets, such as apple pies have tons of shite pastry and the sausage rolls and empire biscuits and shit we produce is a direct contributor to the worst diet in Europe. Most of our bread is disgusting.

 

It's ok to disagree and have different opinions but until you've tried the competition, you don't know. No chance that any other country would produce the fucking unhealthy garbage that we do, in every single town and city. Iced buns have got to be the epitome of our gastronomic trough.

[granite sheep]

Hmmm... defining bakery product quality. Not a field I'm experienced in. Hey man, I'm just a consumer.

For instance, the kuchen in Germany, the baguettes in France, the torte frutti in Italy.

Compare any continental product with our Scottish baker shite. No comparison.

Then again, I noticed Deli France has disappeared from the Bon Accord centre and yet Greggs is heaving.

Says it all. Scoatlan contains shite.

Of the supermarket bakeries, I find that Morrisons is superior to most places in terms of freshly baked stuff. But you're right. Most baked goods in Scotland, and by extension, the UK, are complete trash. The best bit of bread, personally for me would have to be in the Costa Del Sol, the beach house directly in front of the Sol Aloha Puerto in Benalmadena, did Sea Bass and Chips, with unlimited chunks of bread baked onsite. Cheap as chips, and fucking amazing to boot.

[ollie1903]

Try a Diavolo Focaccia from Carluccios.

 

Amazing bread

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Guest]

Don't care for Foccacia but plain Italian bread served with olive oil is awesome. We rarely get bread these days. If we do, it will be rustic or oatmeal but only very occasionally. The shite they sell in Subway is probably the worst breads on the planet - including laughably what purports to be an Italian option - but there's obviously demand for it from the sick men and women of Europe, many of whom are clinically obese of course.

[Jigot]

I'd think the problem is that it's meant for pizza bases which dinna rise like a roll? I'd switch to the normal white mix and if you want different flavours in it stick em in. Dry shit only though cos I'd think wet stuff would fuck it up a bit. Has it got you putting olive oil in it?

It says to add nowt bar 320ml of warm water. I've tried the Hovis Broon mix but that turned oot worse than my baps. Speakin o baps I'm just back fae the weege after visiting my estranged wife. She strained my tatties but never went dookin for ma aipulzs.

[Dom Sullivan]

Don't care for Foccacia but plain Italian bread served with olive oil is awesome. We rarely get bread these days. If we do, it will be rustic or oatmeal but only very occasionally. The shite they sell in Subway is probably the worst breads on the planet - including laughably what purports to be an Italian option - but there's obviously demand for it from the sick men and women of Europe, many of whom are clinically obese of course.

Hemmin Rocket, you tried the Breadmaker on Rosemount Viaduct?

 

Probably the best there is in Aiberdeen - artisan Breadmaker.

 

They sell some affa fine stuff.

 

Nae sayin they would compete wi the Froggies an the like, but for Aberdonia, their baking' ain't bad.

[Dom Sullivan]

It says to add nowt bar 320ml of warm water. I've tried the Hovis Broon mix but that turned oot worse than my baps. Speakin o baps I'm just back fae the weege after visiting my estranged wife. She strained my tatties but never went dookin for ma aipulzs.

Fit like 'en, Jig?

 

At least you got something to rise - even if it's wusna your bread.

[Jigot]

Fit like 'en, Jig?

 

At least you got something to rise - even if it's wusna your bread.

At my age I'm fair chuffed wi masel.

[ChutneyLove]

Watch oot Jigot, or you'll be curling oot some of these soon .....

 

[daytripping]

A Thains steak pie at 4 in the morning beats any food in the World, keep your Foie Gras and Caviar, pie straight from the oven and a pint of milk, orgasmic.

 

Granted the area is like a scene from the Walking Dead at that time but the effort is worth it.

[dervish]

 

 

 

Fit? I'm nae fond of neither croissants nor butterys but they're hardly "similar things". Where's the lard in a croissant?

 

Poor form? It's an opinion for fuck sake. I can't stand the stodge, the sugar and the shite in bakeries in this country. Even sweets, such as apple pies have tons of shite pastry and the sausage rolls and empire biscuits and shit we produce is a direct contributor to the worst diet in Europe. Most of our bread is disgusting.

 

It's ok to disagree and have different opinions but until you've tried the competition, you don't know. No chance that any other country would produce the fucking unhealthy garbage that we do, in every single town and city. Iced buns have got to be the epitome of our gastronomic trough.

 

 

Croissant doesn't have the lard but has about double the butter...

 

Starbucks Croissant: Calories 310 Sodium 290 mg Total Fat 18 g Potassium 0 mg Saturated 11 g Total Carbs 32 g Polyunsaturated 0 g Dietary Fiber 1 g Monounsaturated 0 g Sugars 4 g Trans 1 g Protein 5 g Cholesterol 45 mg Vitamin A 4% Calcium 0% Vitamin C 2% Iron

10%

 

Buttery: Calories 274 Sodium 82 mg Total Fat 11 g Potassium 0 mg Saturated 4 g Total Carbs 0 g Polyunsaturated 0 g Dietary Fiber 0 g Monounsaturated 0 g Sugars 36 g Trans 0 g Protein 5 g Cholesterol 0 mg Vitamin A 0% Calcium 0% Vitamin C 0% Iron 0%

 

Scots pies, brides, tattie scones love the lot. I've been over in france loads because one of my exs is from there aye you can get great stuff in some places(best actually was a Tunisian place actually in Paris) but 90%+ of the time it's the same as here. Go to a good baker here you'll get good bread go to a good baker there you'll get good bread. Bagettes obviously theres are better than "our bagettes" but for a loaf for making a sandwich out of our stuff is better. One thing they do which would be cool to have here is each (small bakery) has a thing they do one specialist thing that you've probably never seen before(actually do they have star pastries down in aberdeen?).

 

Folk can be so funny about food when a lot of it is just preconceptions. My gfs work supplies a few other "bakerys" with stuff and has, plenty of times, heard people say there stuff is better than theirs.

[Jigot]

As per Dervish above: a salty, slightly burnt buttery any time over a 'look at me being all continental and trendy' croissant any day.

 

Mince and tattie pies

 

Mince and beans pies

 

Steak pies

 

Steak and skirlie pies

 

Yum yums

 

Granary bread

 

Baps

 

Scottish bakeries are the best in the world. Finit.

May I ask what a Skirie is? Is it an ingin?

[Jigot]

Watch oot Jigot, or you'll be curling oot some of these soon .....

 

Ah poodle shit! Memories of better days, when every day was sunny and bairns were allowed to be leathered fuck out of.

[dervish]

May I ask what a Skirie is? Is it an ingin?

 

If it's what my dad makes all the time an no cunt eats "skirly" is like oats and onions and oil pretty much canna be that though (is fair enough a wee bit but he makes massive pans of it).

[ChutneyLove]

Skirly is fine as fuck. Abody's Granny made it. No one under 60 knows what it is or how to make it. They just get fed it by their Granny.

[dervish]

CL is it pretty much oats ingin and oil? My dad makes it all the time we have turkey or chicken.