Aye... But Is It Art?

[Ke1t]

A trip to the Detroit Institute of Art today, raised the question, "What in the fuck is that supposed to be?"

 

i raised that question pretty much every thirty seconds as I shambled around the deathly quiet halls of the DIA, surrounded by art stuuuudents, bohemian looking old people, black folks in uniforms, and other unhappy looking husbands who would rather be watching the fitba...

 

Anyway, I had my trusty camera, and I was snapping away like a mad cunt with a camera, nodding my head and trying to interpret what the artist was trying to say when he... did whatever it was he did with the extra pot of paint he had lying around.

 

Let's see if anyone wants to try interpreting these art things. And remember, these are genuinely hanging on the walls of an art gallery, none of this is 'for a laugh'.

 

We'll start you off with what I called, "Hahahahaha... fucking hell, come and check this oot, Mrs Kelt!"

 

#1

 

 

 

 

 

This next piece I called, "Fit the fuck happened to this boy's boat, like? Hing on, is that just a pallet nailed to a plunk o' wid? For the love of fuck."

 

#2

 

 

 

The next one, I rounded a corner and this bastard of a thing was right there in front of me. I about shit myself. That's why I've given it the name, "Hoooooly fuck! Jesus! In the name o..., I aboot shit masel!"

 

#3

 

 

Clearly I'm missing the deeper messages in these 'pieces'... because the painting looks like a painter and decorator was just trying to get the right shade of black before he started a job, the 'boat' thing looks like a 5 year old was given a hammer, nails, and a few bits of wood his old man had lying around in the shed and decided to 'build a boat' with them, and the third one is just all kinds of fucking terrifying.

 

Your thoughts....?

[chief_wiggum]

Second een reminds me of a couple of Homers attempts

 

 

 

 

 

[vanderark14]

I think the message in the first one is "look mam I drew a picture of mickey mouse for yer fridge"

[rumpus]

I was round Aberdeen Arts Centre a couple of days ago, it's annoyingly shite. It has a slightly crumpled sleeping bag as an exhibit, a few bits of wood in a line which in time will warp and therefore change shape. Art evolving as it were...

 

There's a constant video of a match stick woman walking which seemingly some other arty place has leant them for a while so us NE types are lucky enough to view it.

 

My favourite is the manifold of 4" stainless steel pipe which serve absolutely no purpose at all. It'd come in handy offshore for transferring Oil Based Mud or cuttings; stainless equals less friction.

 

If I'm anywhere near there in the next couple of days before going back to work, I'll nip in and take a few photos so you can enjoy the wonerdful sights as well.

 

 

 

A complete waste of taxpayers money.

 

 

 

[BrianFaePerth]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That could have been taken straight fae the backyard of any hoose in the hood.

[Bluto10]

Modern art is rubbish

[don corleone]

This kind of thing really fucks me off. None of it is art.

The first one looks like a painting my nephew did for me when he was 2, in his defence, there was a bit more colour in his version and he was only 2.

The second one. I saw one of those the other day on a building sight, in a skip. The third one looks like a primary school kids first attempt at making something out of clay but I guess its the only one you could call art out of the three. Still complete shit though. Or maybe I just don't get it.

[Pudgie]

Kelt, you'd just love the Pompidou in Paris. Tights filled with sand, fences made out of Kee Klamp and neon words hanging from the roof. I must have uttered the same words as you >50 times walking round that place.

 

1) I have no idea what makes this shite salable or even fit to display on any wall. Picasso's minimalist stuff I can understand. They at least were something. This is just... well... shite!

 

2) Is the sculptural equivalent of #1. "Art" for art's sake. Maybe if you were to see an exhibition, or even just some more pieces of his work it might make more sense. On it's own, it looks like... well... shite!

 

3) If the artist's intention was to create a creepy looking plooky cunt then tick that box (that description reminds me of the step-brither)! How tall was this ugly whoore Kelt? This is the best of the bunch, but still looks like a 7 year old's art project. I want to say it's... well... shite, but I can't. At least I can look at that and it evokes fear, not just anger that some pretentious cunt has decided he'll put his woodworking skills from 1st year into action and create a wooden clusterfuck.

[Pudgie]

I was round Aberdeen Arts Centre a couple of days ago, it's annoyingly shite. It has a slightly crumpled sleeping bag as an exhibit, a few bits of wood in a line which in time will warp and therefore change shape. Art evolving as it were...

 

There's a constant video of a match stick woman walking which seemingly some other arty place has leant them for a while so us NE types are lucky enough to view it.

 

My favourite is the manifold of 4" stainless steel pipe which serve absolutely no purpose at all. It'd come in handy offshore for transferring Oil Based Mud or cuttings; stainless equals less friction.

 

If I'm anywhere near there in the next couple of days before going back to work, I'll nip in and take a few photos so you can enjoy the wonerdful sights as well.

 

 

 

A complete waste of taxpayers money.

 

 

 

That neon sign just as you walk in sickens me. What a pile of shite! I was going to pop into Sign Designs and get something drawn up and see how many thoosins I could sell it for. Boils the fucking blood I tell you!

[Henry]

Arty is the boy to cast his eye over these exhibits.

 

Or Millertime.

 

He has a first edition you know.

[Bluto10]

You got any galleries up your way harcus?

[Henry]

Yes.

[Bluto10]

Aye, art galleries Or museum I mean?

[Henry]

Yes.

[Bluto10]

Honestly?

Wow!

What type of galleries and museums, like?

 

I think you're Bulshittin me

[Pudgie]

This is another one I don't get. It seems like he's blatantly ripped off another artist's work with the logo, and then blatantly ripped off another artist's work with the lyrics.

 

 

I don't understand how somebody can create this and sell it as pieces of art. T-Shirts and mugs for fans of the band, yes I could understand, but as a stand alone piece? I think it's bordering on theft. If this is ok then what's to stop someone taking an Ansel Adams or a Cartier Bresson and "recreating" that with quotes from the artist?

[Biscuit]

Kelt I love you min

[reekie_dock]

I my eyes Drawing a Massive Cock on the wall is Modern Art!!!

[Robbie Winters]

I think you will find that it is Aberdeen Art Gallery lads.

Aberdeen Arts Centre is a place on Queen St which by a strange quirk is where the gaylords from yer school would go on a Saturday morning to do drama. Nobody would end up on telly but they will appear in a low budget Xmas pantomime.

 

Ke!t

#1 There is something similar down at the B&Q paint mixing desk

#2. I knocked something similar up as a loon trying to make an Oor Wuliie type karty

#3. A new avatar for many a hatter

[looksgoodinred]

That neon sign just as you walk in sickens me. What a pile of shite! I was going to pop into Sign Designs and get something drawn up and see how many thoosins I could sell it for. Boils the fucking blood I tell you!

 

this one?

 

 

 

i like the sign. but i don't consider it art. i'm perhaps just a cretin when it comes to art though.

 

i also like this sign. not found anywhere near a gallery.

 

[Guest]

The problem with "modern art" is that here are no boundaries and definitions and therefore the vacuous think they can produce it.

 

Those examples were "produced" by sad fucks with nothing to say.

[rumpus]

Whereas the other side of the coin is that you're a sad fuck with too much to say.

[Pudgie]

 

 

Nah, this een by Tracy Emin. The one you posted is just as bad I suppose. At least that sentence seems to feature throughout his work which gives it a bit of continuity. But yon neon loving whoore, she even looks like a prick. Every stereotype about an artist looks like they live in this "woman". Smug fuck looks as if she's the best thing since sliced loaf.

[granite sheep]

The main room in the Art Gallery is a pile of shite though. Same with the one off to the side with the sleeping bag. The exhibit rooms are better though. The oriental collection is decent, the tapestry up the stairs is a must see and the shop is a decent rake through.

[Guest]

Whereas the other side of the coin is that you're a sad fuck with too much to say.

 

And you're the saddest of all fucks with a multiple personality disorder because you hate your real self.

[Pudgie]

 

And you're the saddest of all fucks with a multiple personality disorder because you hate your real self.

Aye, Rumpus is a cunt, but Rumpus is aright.

[robbojunior]

People who produce modern art are fucking geniuses.

 

Geniuses I tell you.

 

No seriously bear with me.

 

It's like the emperors new clothes. These geniuses can spent 30 seconds doing a shit in a bucket or something equally lacking in any talent requirement, call it modern art, and some fucking moron puts it in an art gallery, before some even bigger fucking moron buys it for £1million or even more.

 

Fucking geniuses I tell you.

 

As long as there are fucking morons, there will be modern art.

[Poodler]

I think the way I finger blast birds is a modern art.

 

 

Ps, entertaining as ever Kelt

 

 

That sleeping bag has been in the art gallery for like 5 years, it's nae even modern anymore

[Guest]

I think the way I finger blast birds is a modern art.

 

And I think the way I would watch you do it, complete with optimum angles for smell and vision, would be too.

[Poodler]

 

And I think the way I would watch you do it, complete with optimum angles for smell and vision, would be too.

I'll PM you my number, I would enjoy an audience/ rolling substitute