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Pointless celebrities death squad

Clydeside_Sheep

By Clydeside_Sheep,
in The Pub

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Clydeside_Sheep Mentor

Clydeside_Sheep

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You are the leader of a death squad, operating along SS / NKVD lines, charged with eliminating pointless celebrities. You have 5 rounds remaining, which pointless slebs are for the high jump?

 

Mine:

 

Peaches Geldoff

Pixie Geldoff

Tamara Ecclestone

Kelly Osbourne

David Furnish

 

As you can see, my theme is irritating, pointless c*nts who are famous only because of who daddy is. I loathe people like that.

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Ke1t Grand Master

Ke1t

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Fortunately I don't really wacth much telly or read magazines, so my exposure to 'celebrities' is limited to those I see in films, more or less.

 

I watch movies, get my news off Reuters, AP, and the Beeb, watch TV series',

 

I've never heard a Justin Bieber song, I've never seen a programme involving a Kardashian (Though admittedly I'm partial to a pic/vid of that one's arse) , I only found out there was a band called One Direction a few months back and haven't heard anything they do.

 

As a result my list might be a bit dated....

 

 

 

Bernie Clifton. He was fooling no-one with that fucking ostrich.

 

Ted Rogers. Rumour was (and I'm not making this up) he was jealous of Dusty Bin. 321.

 

Pol Burton. For the obvious reason.

 

Max Wall. Look at me walk. Cunt.

 

Mike Reid. The most Cockney man in the world. Until 2007.

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granite sheep Newbie

granite sheep

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Second run through:

Naomi Campbell

Miley Cyrus

Pete Burns

Scott Mills

Sally McMoist

 

I propose getting them all to stand one in front of each other, in the order given, then, using a Barrett anti-materiel rifle (which fires a .50 calibre bullet- see the last Rambo movie, it was his sniper buddy's gun), it should be possible to shoot through the first four, with the bullet landing square in Sally's sizeable hun guts. Score one for efficiency, and you can use the other four rounds to finish the fat bastard off, or at least blow all his limbs off.

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DD1903 Grand Master

DD1903

Posted
Posted

You are the leader of a death squad, operating along SS / NKVD lines, charged with eliminating pointless celebrities. You have 5 rounds remaining, which pointless slebs are for the high jump?

Mine:

Peaches Geldoff

Pixie Geldoff

Tamara Ecclestone

Kelly Osbourne

David Furnish

As you can see, my theme is irritating, pointless c*nts who are famous only because of who daddy is. I loathe people like that.

When I first read the title I thought you were recruiting CS. A new mercenary role for these poor out of work 'celebs'.

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Clydeside_Sheep Mentor

Clydeside_Sheep

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Fortunately I don't really wacth much telly

An excellent policy / man after my own heart.

 

I'm currently trying to convince the wife we don't need a TV in the new house, but not making much headway.

 

Its just propaganda / mindless drivel piped into your house. As we want to have a family, I don't want my weans bombarded with such crap.

 

Can always watch football in the cruiser.

 

The wife would seemingly watch anything, just as long as it was presented by some screaming queen - Graeme Norton, Allan car, gok wann, that rylan creature etc etc ad nauseum.

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Clydeside_Sheep Mentor

Clydeside_Sheep

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When I first read the title I thought you were recruiting CS. A new mercenary role for these poor out of work 'celebs'.

Haha!

 

Its true, I am to lead a crack unit of pointless celebrities into Ukraine to expell the russians.

 

You will recognise us on the news as we will be the ones sans-military insignia ;)

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Ke1t Grand Master

Ke1t

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Posted

An excellent policy / man after my own heart.

 

I'm currently trying to convince the wife we don't need a TV in the new house, but not making much headway.

 

Its just propaganda / mindless drivel piped into your house. As we want to have a family, I don't want my weans bombarded with such crap.

 

Can always watch football in the cruiser.

 

The wife would seemingly watch anything, just as long as it was presented by some screaming queen - Graeme Norton, Allan car, gok wann, that rylan creature etc etc ad nauseum.

 

I once saw the very worst TV show imaginable.

 

It's called The Wendy Williams Show.

 

When TV finally gets to that level you know it has bottomed out and there's nowhere left for it to go.

 

Wendy Williams is this enormous, moose-like black chick who is the result of multiple cosmetic surgeries. Her tits have been pumped up to gigantic sizes, her waist suctiojned to the size of a wrist. She teeters around in her 8" heels, and he/she/it bellows at her audience, made up exclusively of mindless cunts, in a deep man-voice.

 

Her show consists of her sitting in a chair pretending to sip coffee from a mug, while making small talk about celebrities' hair and other unintersesting shit, all the while affecting an overtly fake and manufactured 'Friends chatting in the kitchen' facade.

 

If any TV programme were to ever be responsible for my suicide it would be The Wendy Williams Show. From what I've seen, because I haven't watched more than a few minutes of these shows in total, it makes shows like Survivor, Big Brother, and Jersey Shore seem like Shakespeare performed by Olivier and Burton.

 

See if you can get through the first 30 seconds without feeling the urge to cut yourself.

 

http://youtu.be/4cSS5DOejpI

 

 

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Ke1t Grand Master

Ke1t

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I got about 5 seconds in before stopping. I now have the urge to drive to Rosyth naval base, hijack a missile sub, and then rain a liberal amount of nuclear weaponry on the TV station responsible. Who's up for it?

 

I'm... 'on board... with that idea.

 

Eh, eh?

 

See what I did there?

 

But, seriously, let's hijack that submarine.

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The Boofon Grand Master

The Boofon

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Philip schofield- limp wristed prick

Fern Cotton- pedo shagger

Gordon Ramsay- massive cunt

Paul Hollywood- Arsehole, massive arsehole

Harry Styles- Don,t know why hes famous

I'll buy you a pint if I ever meet you Don.

 

Fantastic choice. I fucking detest the bitch.

 

 

Making up the top 5 are:

Russell Brand

Keith Lemon

Elton John

Michael Douglas (because he looks like Nookie Bear of Roger De Courcey fame)

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