Aff The Fanny

[Arabian Knight]

coupla months ago eh sees a hysterectmy gan oan in theatre whin eh wiz up deliverin bloods. 47 yr auld wi cancer, wis pishin oot blood, eh turnt up wi emergency supply tae a cunt in a mask n the wee bastart grabbed it oaf me n pit it oan the drip staun, the cunt oan the table wis losin mare blood thin whit wis gaein in, eh wis lookin in fae the wee windae slot in the door. surgeons fit wis oan the table tryin tae wrench oot the bits inside the fanny, nae happenin, cunt pits a wee snip oan the pishflap near the bean n all of a sudden its a fuckin bloodbath, everyhin poured oot including the cancer growth, eh seen theen the wee fillopian tupe pipes innaw movin aboot. The lass wis KO'd but it wis a success,cancer free. But it wid pit any cunt oaf fanny fir life seein that. Cunts ridin dinna hink eh aw the wee bits n pieces behind the scenes thit keep yir helmet smooth. Cunts go oan aboot seein bairns comin oot that slot, that'd be like disney compare tae this horror eh'v seen, nae mare fanny fir me fir a while anyway, ya cunt, nightmares last few days-cannie git the images oot meh heed, fucks sake, no even been oan xhamster fir aboot a month

[BrianFaePerth]

Good you prefer cock then.

[Ke1t]

I'm apparently aff it since my wee practical joke the other day, when I had the wife freaking out because she thought some cunt was climbing in a window when she was home on her own.

 

Seems, far from being a cheeky scallywag with a devilish sense of humour, I am in fact a 'fucking prick'.

 

Not the first time I've been told that, obviously.

 

So that's me aff it until she decides otherwise.

[Reed or deed]

Thanks for sharing.

[Ke1t]

Even though you knobbed your geriatric cousin a couple of weeks ago?

 

Sherlock Hanz...

 

[Arabian Knight]

Hehehe, kelt ye'll be wankin till she tells ye tae stoap!

Aye seein the bits n pieces scooped oot eh it like a trout wis a wake up call

[Arabian Knight]

Even though you knobbed your geriatric cousin a couple of weeks ago?

 

Yer oan aboot Winnie wee sacks. nae the maist memorable n me wi bad memory, eh widna classify it as a ride eh slipped oot n KO'd fir aboot 4 hoor, then Hannity went awol oan the bridge

[Ke1t]

Hehehe, kelt ye'll be wankin till she tells ye tae stoap!

Aye seein the bits n pieces scooped oot eh it like a trout wis a wake up call

 

Not too proud to supplement the lack of action with some furtive, late night tugs to the Strap-on-Shemale section of IXXX.

 

There's even a Mummification section for the seriously demented.

[Old manny]

coupla months ago eh sees a hysterectmy gan oan in theatre whin eh wiz up deliverin bloods. 47 yr auld wi cancer, wis pishin oot blood, eh turnt up wi emergency supply tae a cunt in a mask n the wee bastart grabbed it oaf me n pit it oan the drip staun, the cunt oan the table wis losin mare blood thin whit wis gaein in, eh wis lookin in fae the wee windae slot in the door. surgeons fit wis oan the table tryin tae wrench oot the bits inside the fanny, nae happenin, cunt pits a wee snip oan the pishflap near the bean n all of a sudden its a fuckin bloodbath, everyhin poured oot including the cancer growth, eh seen theen the wee fillopian tupe pipes innaw movin aboot. The lass wis KO'd but it wis a success,cancer free. But it wid pit any cunt oaf fanny fir life seein that. Cunts ridin dinna hink eh aw the wee bits n pieces behind the scenes thit keep yir helmet smooth. Cunts go oan aboot seein bairns comin oot that slot, that'd be like disney compare tae this horror eh'v seen, nae mare fanny fir me fir a while anyway, ya cunt, nightmares last few days-cannie git the images oot meh heed, fucks sake, no even been oan xhamster fir aboot a month

You fly wee cunt AK! Holding back your literary masterpiece until the eve of the poster of the year award. Poe would have been proud of that short story and would have killed for the "cunt pits a wee snip oan the pishflap near the bean n all of a sudden its a fuckin bloodbath, everyhin poured oot including the cancer growth, eh seen theen the wee fillopian tupe pipes innaw movin aboot." line. The prize money will get you that hoose in Hunters Crescent you have long coveted.

[Arabian Knight]

Auld manny, eh telt ye eh wiz sleekit! Eh goat some laff oan here wi yooz cunts

[CrazyBullSheep]

Not sure I get the jist of this tale, and not sure why cheesepipes would have been in a hospital with some bird with bloody cancerous flaps.

 

Can i also point out that Mr Pipes is not a Filipino tube and can confirm he is a born and bred Scottish hellraiser

 

@@cheesepipes

[Don Fonte]

coupla months ago eh sees a hysterectmy gan oan in theatre whin eh wiz up deliverin bloods. 47 yr auld wi cancer, wis pishin oot blood, eh turnt up wi emergency supply tae a cunt in a mask n the wee bastart grabbed it oaf me n pit it oan the drip staun, the cunt oan the table wis losin mare blood thin whit wis gaein in, eh wis lookin in fae the wee windae slot in the door. surgeons fit wis oan the table tryin tae wrench oot the bits inside the fanny, nae happenin, cunt pits a wee snip oan the pishflap near the bean n all of a sudden its a fuckin bloodbath, everyhin poured oot including the cancer growth, eh seen theen the wee fillopian tupe pipes innaw movin aboot. The lass wis KO'd but it wis a success,cancer free. But it wid pit any cunt oaf fanny fir life seein that. Cunts ridin dinna hink eh aw the wee bits n pieces behind the scenes thit keep yir helmet smooth. Cunts go oan aboot seein bairns comin oot that slot, that'd be like disney compare tae this horror eh'v seen, nae mare fanny fir me fir a while anyway, ya cunt, nightmares last few days-cannie git the images oot meh heed, fucks sake, no even been oan xhamster fir aboot a month

Whilst not as amusing as your story AK saw something similarly gruesome.

 

When the ex wife was giving birth the baby got slightly stuck or something. They used these big handled scissor looking things to slice her fanny open a bit bigger, had a good few hacks at it too. Blood fucking gushing out.

 

Not sure why I watched to be honest. Probably the reason I ended up leaving her, my mind couldn't recover it's lust for her after that.

[Arabian Knight]

aye same hing happened tae meh auld bosses missus. his laddie came oot sideways n they hud tae cut the fanny wider n then when they wis stichin her back up meh auld boss says tae the doc tae pit a coupla extra stitches, the cunt wis wantin her fanny tae grip his helmet better whin he wis ridin, thats aw he wis botheret aboot rether thin welcomin the baby intae the world
ehv hid a cunt fae cleveland ohio oan the road wi me aw week, ron, 60 odd, bigwig works fir a drug company oot seein how the drugs git distributet so we wis oot in dunfermline n up tae ninewells even oot tae kirriemuir fir a bridie, the cunt wis sayin aboot the lasses wi the hysterctomys r left wi jist a stump wi a wee straw tae pish ootae, but it gies them a longer life, anyway oot the blue the cunt sez tae me 'i cid yase a little pussy' eh says 'if yer efter a ride best place near here is doon at rosyth' n then the cunt goes 'eh dinna ride eh make love'
then the cunt tells me aboot how he gits a deep spirit connection wi the wummin he's pumpin, he stares intae thir eyes n does slow thrusts n says thats lovemakin, n eh telt him aboot meh buttock thrusts where eh wis jist yasin meh buttock muscles, he sez tae meh meh helmets like christopher columbus explorer eh new territory in the fanny. eh liket that wan! eh sez ye need tae get yer rythym richt, a cunt like auld manny wid be daein slow thrusts whin he's ridin n thits no lovemakin thits jist him tryin tae nae pit a hip oot. then yev goat hannity whas like a durecell bunny oan eccies, ron sez lovemakin is somewhir between.

​so oan the way back doon the road eh wiz tellin him aboot meh brither n he says thiv goat cunts like that in cleveland tae n aw the big drug companys r aw tryin tae dae medical experiments oan the cunts but the law'll no let thim. he says thi need tae bring the cunts ower fae abroad n thi jist need tae sign a form. so eh says we shid gae doon hunter square next week git the cunt n ron sez eh'l git a finders fee! thil fly the cunt oot tae the states n drill a wee hole in his heed n fit in some cables n then gie the cunt drugs, meh brither wid hink it wis fucken xmas

​droapped ron aff it rosyth n ehl see oan Monday wha he rode

[maryhilldon]

aye same hing happened tae meh auld bosses missus. his laddie came oot sideways n they hud tae cut the fanny wider n then when they wis stichin her back up meh auld boss says tae the doc tae pit a coupla extra stitches, the cunt wis wantin her fanny tae grip his helmet better whin he wis ridin, thats aw he wis botheret aboot rether thin welcomin the baby intae the world

ehv hid a cunt fae cleveland ohio oan the road wi me aw week, ron, 60 odd, bigwig works fir a drug company oot seein how the drugs git distributet so we wis oot in dunfermline n up tae ninewells even oot tae kirriemuir fir a bridie, the cunt wis sayin aboot the lasses wi the hysterctomys r left wi jist a stump wi a wee straw tae pish ootae, but it gies them a longer life, anyway oot the blue the cunt sez tae me 'i cid yase a little pussy' eh says 'if yer efter a ride best place near here is doon at rosyth' n then the cunt goes 'eh dinna ride eh make love'

then the cunt tells me aboot how he gits a deep spirit connection wi the wummin he's pumpin, he stares intae thir eyes n does slow thrusts n says thats lovemakin, n eh telt him aboot meh buttock thrusts where eh wis jist yasin meh buttock muscles, he sez tae meh meh helmets like christopher columbus explorer eh new territory in the fanny. eh liket that wan! eh sez ye need tae get yer rythym richt, a cunt like auld manny wid be daein slow thrusts whin he's ridin n thits no lovemakin thits jist him tryin tae nae pit a hip oot. then yev goat hannity whas like a durecell bunny oan eccies, ron sez lovemakin is somewhir between.

​so oan the way back doon the road eh wiz tellin him aboot meh brither n he says thiv goat cunts like that in cleveland tae n aw the big drug companys r aw tryin tae dae medical experiments oan the cunts but the law'll no let thim. he says thi need tae bring the cunts ower fae abroad n thi jist need tae sign a form. so eh says we shid gae doon hunter square next week git the cunt n ron sez eh'l git a finders fee! thil fly the cunt oot tae the states n drill a wee hole in his heed n fit in some cables n then gie the cunt drugs, meh brither wid hink it wis fucken xmas

​droapped ron aff it rosyth n ehl see oan Monday wha he rode

 

Fucks sake, rippin the arse out of it now mate. Think up a new character.

[Old manny]

a cunt like auld manny wid be daein slow thrusts whin he's ridin n thits no lovemakin thits jist him tryin tae nae pit a hip oot.

 

Excuse me old chap, but I will have you know that I was recently fitted with two of those new fangled tungsten steel hip replacements complete with retro speed boosters that go right up to Mach 5. The Missus and Lorna the barmaid can't get enough of me. The only problem is that you have got to remember to oil them regularly. I forgot once and they seized up when me and Lorna were at it. My sperm turned a disgusting rust colour and we were stuck together until the fire brigade separated us. Despite being in traction for a month after this unfortunate incident I would thoroughly recommend them.

[DonTillIDie]

I'm apparently aff it since my wee practical joke the other day, when I had the wife freaking out because she thought some cunt was climbing in a window when she was home on her own.

 

Seems, far from being a cheeky scallywag with a devilish sense of humour, I am in fact a 'fucking prick'.

 

Not the first time I've been told that, obviously.

 

So that's me aff it until she decides otherwise.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about the wife. If a cunt tries to climb in the window again, I would grab it with both hands. Female reproductive organs that can open windows don't come around too often.

[ebbe]

aye same hing happened tae meh auld bosses missus. his laddie came oot sideways n they hud tae cut the fanny wider n then when they wis stichin her back up meh auld boss says tae the doc tae pit a coupla extra stitches, the cunt wis wantin her fanny tae grip his helmet better whin he wis ridin, thats aw he wis botheret aboot rether thin welcomin the baby intae the world

ehv hid a cunt fae cleveland ohio oan the road wi me aw week, ron, 60 odd, bigwig works fir a drug company oot seein how the drugs git distributet so we wis oot in dunfermline n up tae ninewells even oot tae kirriemuir fir a bridie, the cunt wis sayin aboot the lasses wi the hysterctomys r left wi jist a stump wi a wee straw tae pish ootae, but it gies them a longer life, anyway oot the blue the cunt sez tae me 'i cid yase a little pussy' eh says 'if yer efter a ride best place near here is doon at rosyth' n then the cunt goes 'eh dinna ride eh make love'

then the cunt tells me aboot how he gits a deep spirit connection wi the wummin he's pumpin, he stares intae thir eyes n does slow thrusts n says thats lovemakin, n eh telt him aboot meh buttock thrusts where eh wis jist yasin meh buttock muscles, he sez tae meh meh helmets like christopher columbus explorer eh new territory in the fanny. eh liket that wan! eh sez ye need tae get yer rythym richt, a cunt like auld manny wid be daein slow thrusts whin he's ridin n thits no lovemakin thits jist him tryin tae nae pit a hip oot. then yev goat hannity whas like a durecell bunny oan eccies, ron sez lovemakin is somewhir between.

​so oan the way back doon the road eh wiz tellin him aboot meh brither n he says thiv goat cunts like that in cleveland tae n aw the big drug companys r aw tryin tae dae medical experiments oan the cunts but the law'll no let thim. he says thi need tae bring the cunts ower fae abroad n thi jist need tae sign a form. so eh says we shid gae doon hunter square next week git the cunt n ron sez eh'l git a finders fee! thil fly the cunt oot tae the states n drill a wee hole in his heed n fit in some cables n then gie the cunt drugs, meh brither wid hink it wis fucken xmas

​droapped ron aff it rosyth n ehl see oan Monday wha he rode

 

Well said.

[DonTillIDie]

coupla months ago eh sees a hysterectmy gan oan in theatre whin eh wiz up deliverin bloods. 47 yr auld wi cancer, wis pishin oot blood, eh turnt up wi emergency supply tae a cunt in a mask n the wee bastart grabbed it oaf me n pit it oan the drip staun, the cunt oan the table wis losin mare blood thin whit wis gaein in, eh wis lookin in fae the wee windae slot in the door. surgeons fit wis oan the table tryin tae wrench oot the bits inside the fanny, nae happenin, cunt pits a wee snip oan the pishflap near the bean n all of a sudden its a fuckin bloodbath, everyhin poured oot including the cancer growth, eh seen theen the wee fillopian tupe pipes innaw movin aboot. The lass wis KO'd but it wis a success,cancer free. But it wid pit any cunt oaf fanny fir life seein that. Cunts ridin dinna hink eh aw the wee bits n pieces behind the scenes thit keep yir helmet smooth. Cunts go oan aboot seein bairns comin oot that slot, that'd be like disney compare tae this horror eh'v seen, nae mare fanny fir me fir a while anyway, ya cunt, nightmares last few days-cannie git the images oot meh heed, fucks sake, no even been oan xhamster fir aboot a month

Can you give me the unedited version in English please?

[Don Fonte]

That's ruined the image I had of you!

What was your image MT?

[Old manny]

What was your image MT?

Leading question which will be struck from the court records and disregarded by the jury on pain of a retrial. The witness, in this case a Council band J resident and a neighbour of Jack Ross, is under no obligation to answer the question, but if he does I would remind him that anything he says could be subject to civil proceedings by Old Manny who I believe makes a good living suing the ass off simple minded forum members, particularly those who come from the West Coast of Scotland. Court adjourned.

[Don Fonte]

Leading question which will be struck from the court records and disregarded by the jury on pain of a retrial. The witness, in this case a Council band J resident and a neighbour of Jack Ross, is under no obligation to answer the question, but if he does I would remind him that anything he says could be subject to civil proceedings by Old Manny who I believe makes a good living suing the ass off simple minded forum members, particularly those who come from the West Coast of Scotland. Court adjourned.

I was simply highlighting that young MT with the narrow shoulders may well have a hankering for you.

 

It is possible. He most likely has daddy issues and has repressed feelings.

 

All this is here say though, not fact. So no legal proceedings please.

[Old manny]

I was simply highlighting that young MT with the narrow shoulders may well have a hankering for you.

 

It is possible. He most likely has daddy issues and has repressed feelings.

 

All this is here say though, not fact. So no legal proceedings please.

Sensible man.