granite sheep Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Microwaved an egg in a klip-top container and klipped the top Reversed into a pillar in ASDA Pulled in the Metro, the tidy bird I thought I got was a hamplanet when I sobered up Tried to unblock a toilet with my bare hands instead of using the poop scissors/ plunger Got caught fingering a bird in the Zuu by the bouncer, turned round, realised it was an old mate of mine and shook his hand with the same hand that was a minute earlier fisting some slapper to oblivion...... Your turn, guys. Link to comment
1903Fitba Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Opening this thread 2 Link to comment
Ke1t Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Got into an altercation with a cop in Moscow. He was on a horse. Seems they train their horses in crowd control, because this fucking animal was battering me with its nose while I was trying to call the cop a cunt. Cop and horse won that fucking argument. Russians are pricks. So are horses. 1 Link to comment
Chewie37 Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 We’ll need more than one thread!!! Drove home pished one night after falling asleep on Queens Cross and spewing on my lap. Walked to my car at the Grammar FP Club to get some shorts or tracksuit trousers on and decided I was sober enough to drive at 5am.....wasn’t. Woke up at my folks house the next day with my car parked at a funny angle.....loads more Link to comment
The Cockney Don Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 4 on 60 at maine road 25 year ago, but twas a defining moment for old cockney. Link to comment
Poodler Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Most weekends there's something Missing flights. Being suspended from work. Going out for a beer and coming home 3 days later is common Not learning lessons is the key theme Link to comment
For Fecks Sake Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Shagging my ex's sister when my ex was not my ex....??? Link to comment
BillyStarkDivinHeeder Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 4 on 60 at maine road 25 year ago, but twas a defining moment for old cockney.Youse kick the four boys all over the shop? Link to comment
Dynamo Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 4 on 60 at maine road 25 year ago, but twas a defining moment for old cockney. Who counted? Link to comment
The Oxford Don Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Downing half a bottle of limoncello as a dare at a party. The resultant vomiting episode was like something out of the Exorcist. The mere smell of the stuff is now enough to give me the boak. Needless to say I haven’t touched limoncello since. Link to comment
For Fecks Sake Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Pint of whisky for me had the same effect.Vodka for me, for year's after the very sniff of vodka would have my stomach doing flips ? ? Link to comment
Chewie37 Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Faeces for me; not a big fan at all.Was it difficult to down? Link to comment
manboobs109 Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Once ate 12 oysters I bought off a boy in The Thistle in Easter Road. Guts were fucked. Link to comment
manboobs109 Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Dropped four swedgers at a rave down in Greenlaw. Was fine in the end. Stole the works minibus to get down there, GB1875 drove it fucking smashed. Neither of us got sacked though. Link to comment
tiktak Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Was hearing a strange noise coming from the car but it only happened when going round a roundabout. Thought it might be a wheel bearing but couldn't quite suss it out. Took it to a garage and the grease monkey jumped in so I could take him for a run to hear it for himself. Sure enough at the roundabout the same rattley noise. Back at the garage he opened the boot, pulled out the spare tyre and picked up the culprit - a little ball bearing running around the wheel well. I felt like a dick. To make matters worse his next words were, "That'll be £35 mate". 1 Link to comment
Popular Post Clydeside_Sheep Posted February 19, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted February 19, 2018 I’ve played that game about 18 years ago. Funnily enough both of the sisters still talk to me. Come on, they are hardly likely to shun their brother over something that happened so long ago.... 15 Link to comment
Bluto10 Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Dropped four swedgers at a rave down in Greenlaw. Was fine in the end. Stole the works minibus to get down there, GB1875 drove it fucking smashed. Neither of us got sacked though.WowGBs a serial drink driver? nae good. Link to comment
tiktak Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Ach, I remember anither yin. Had some business in the Land That Time Forgot (Blackpool) so had to go down for a couple of days. Drove down, got to hotel, opened boot to get my bag and...............NO BAG! I'd left it in the hallway of the house. 380 mile return trip to retrieve bag. Link to comment
Ke1t Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Ecstasy is not alcohol last I checked..... You drive better when you are mashed anyway... @police This is absolutely correct. Any time I needed to concentrate during a long drive I'd pull oot the whisky and drain the fucking bottle. Anyone who says you concentrate more without a skinful of booze inside you hasnae fucking tried it. Works twice as well in bad conditions, because you're concentrating even harder. 1 Link to comment
Bluto10 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Aye makes your reactions sharper cause you’re more relaxed, relying on instinct Link to comment
maryhilldon Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Did that myself onceHad to slum it with a George shirt and trousers!At least you didn't have to wear a waistcoat. Link to comment
shut up meg Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Did that myself onceHad to slum it with a George shirt and trousers!Step up from your standard tailor Mat Allan. Link to comment
shut up meg Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 Ooooh you are scamp! X Just remember the safety phrase IHAB pal. Link to comment
The Boofon Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 I Hate All Blacks? Hate rugby full stop TBF Link to comment
tiktak Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 Did that myself once Had to slum it with a George shirt and trousers! Didn't care about the clothes but laptop was essential. Link to comment
manboobs109 Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 Just remember the safety phrase IHAB pal.Insert Hard Anally Bumfuck Link to comment
Poodler Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 Insecure @@Henry Accepts Bumming Contrary to popular belief Link to comment
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