Thread O Shit Motors

[Ke1t]

The worst cars you've driven. 

 

The Crossfire would qualify. Had all the handling of a roller skate, dealt with snow like Freddie Mercury dealt with AIDS... 100% unsuccessfully... (should have walked it off, Freddie)... cargo capacity that didn't go much above a pair of boots and a toolbox, and a profile that made it feel like you were pedaling a C5 along a freeway filled with giant trucks. 

 

The absolute worst, however, was the Ford Escort supplied by my company at the time.  First time I took it oot the road I tried to overtake some slow lad. Dropped a gear, pulled out, foot down, expecting to whiz by him in my shiny new motor. What happened was the Escort slooooooowly crept towards the guy in front, and I spent the next mile trying to pull alongside him. It wasn't like he was speeding up, there was just fuck all in my car's engine. I was forced to get back in behind flat cap, and enjoy the low speed convoy that formed up behind us. 

 

Possibly the most underpowered bucket of shite it was ever my misfortune to drive, and haven't owned or even looked at buying a Fordie since then. 

 

 

[Ke1t]

A big red Vauxhall Cavalier

 

A bit light on the details, there, fella. 

 

[ebbe]

Peugeot 106 1.1. Looked like Donkey Kong from Mario Kart in it.

[Parklife]

A Ford Capri

[mcdougall(4)]

The worst cars you've driven. 

 

The Crossfire would qualify. Had all the handling of a roller skate, dealt with snow like Freddie Mercury dealt with AIDS... 100% unsuccessfully... (should have walked it off, Freddie)... cargo capacity that didn't go much above a pair of boots and a toolbox, and a profile that made it feel like you were pedaling a C5 along a freeway filled with giant trucks. 

 

The absolute worst, however, was the Ford Escort supplied by my company at the time.  First time I took it oot the road I tried to overtake some slow lad. Dropped a gear, pulled out, foot down, expecting to whiz by him in my shiny new motor. What happened was the Escort slooooooowly crept towards the guy in front, and I spent the next mile trying to pull alongside him. It wasn't like he was speeding up, there was just fuck all in my car's engine. I was forced to get back in behind flat cap, and enjoy the low speed convoy that formed up behind us. 

 

Possibly the most underpowered bucket of shite it was ever my misfortune to drive, and haven't owned or even looked at buying a Fordie since then. 

 

 

Crossfire was a Merc underneath essentially so thought it would be better, had very little clearance if memory serves, so a nightmare for in city driving with speed bumps etc on the one occasion I drove one.

 

As someone who used to work in the car leasing industry industry, I have driven so many utterly shite motors I'd be here all day but the VW Phaeton was a particular ball ache, the dash board design left a lot to be desired which made driving the thing a pain but it could shift.

@@Poodler mentioned the Fiat 500 no man should ever drive one of those they are emasculating hair driers. (see also Mini and VW Beetle all re-issues for women originals are fine) 

[Redforever86]

My current Ford Focus has mould inside and out and at least one slow puncture. 

 

Only drive it about 10 times a year. 

 

It's also 14 years old. 

[Redforever86]

Fiesta 1.8 diesel - no power steering, and the passenger door wouldn't shut properly, so a couple of times there the door flew open as I was driving along.

 

Stupid cunt of a car it was.

 

 

Did the young lad escape?

[DD1903]

Peugeot 106 1.1. Looked like Donkey Kong from Mario Kart in it.

[url=https://www.youtu.be/xWct_KYGRQo]

[DD1903]

The highlights include a sky blue, 1.1 Ford Fiesta. Purely as it was rubbish. Never bought a ford again. And never will.

 

A golf, either an F or G plate, which was brilliant to drive, but cost me a fortune as it kept breaking down, and another golf (can't remember the year) that leaked like a sieve. Turned out the previous owner had fucked about with the door interiors, which broke the seals.

 

Most recently an Astra. Which was dire. Got rid of it as it was shit.

[Don Fonte]

Its great having a terrific old cunt about the place, who doesnt mind if you practice pedo jokes on him at every turn isnt it

 

NO

He never escaped?

 

Poor choice of word old man.

[Redforever86]

 

 

 

Dad's at the other side of the camera with his tadger oot.

[ebbe]

I reckon he’s away to come through that door with his target out and @@Mum is filming it.

[shut up meg]

The majority of my early cars were shit, Fiesta, Metro, Orion, Capri, Opel Manta, all buckets of shit that you parked at the top of the hill at night just in case they didn't start in the morning. Also always parked with it in gear, just in case the handbrake cable went.

[Henry]

 

 

As someone who used to work in the car leasing industry industry, I have driven so many utterly shite motors I'd be here all day

Another chapter in the rich and varied mcdougall story

[King Street Loon]

First car i had was a decent car. Until i got it.

Always wanted a Peugeot 205 GTI like all the cool kids but instead ended up getting a Peugeot 205d which was a 4 door E reg. Far too sensible. Was a great runner though until on my way to Ellon i pulled out at the junction north of Pitmedden beside that stone dyke and a car came speeding round the corner and clipped the front of me. Managed to get the car back to Blackburn somehow and me and my dad managed to sort it. Sort of. Got new panels from Overton and shifted the engine back into its rightful place. Was never the same again though and the brakes failed just before Kings Gate roundabout on the Drive. Managed to go round at great speed without incident and then the brakes kicked in again. Got rid of the death trap shortly after and got a 306 Red Sedan.

[shut up meg]

It was a 2.0ltr GLS, V reg and mechanically wasn't the best.

I was 18 years old and struggled to put petrol in it, never mind maintain it properly.

It didn't handle all that well in the rain and as I said, I had to park at the top of the hill in the evening just in case I needed to jump start it down the hill in the morning.

 

Just because my Capri was shit doesn't mean that I think that your one is, settle doon and don't take everything as an attack MT.

[dave_min]

My current motor is shite.

 

I’d honestly rather drive a Capri.

 

Can’t wait until the fucker goes back to the lessor.

 

New car is an Alfa ❤️

[ebbe]

Starter motor and handbrake for starters. Open your eyes Gurney.

[Clydeside_Sheep]

Good thread!

 

The car my boss did 120 mph in was a Nissan, either a Primera or Almera, I don't remember which. It was 2001 and it was a boxy looking saloon anyway, silver. He drove it from Glasgow to Annan and then I got to drive it back myself, alone.

At first, I felt the handling was a bit spongy, but by the time I had reached the A74(M) from Annan and was turning onto the motorway, I had firmly decided that the steering wheel had no relation whatsoever to what the car was actually doing.

The car didn't so much 'handle' as it did 'wallow'.

 

My mother had one of the first Mercedes A class which were released, a Mercedes A140 or something. Small but really tall cars which became notorious for toppling over when going around corners. (I think they had a design recall due to that). Pish for anything beyond going to the local shops. My then girlfriend and I drove to alton towers in it, which was very uncomfortable but at least we didn't topple over. Also, the windscreen wipers had a stupid design, which meant they could get tangled up with one another. This happened to my mum once, in pissing rain, and they had to drive on the M8 with the passenger sticking their head out the side window and shouting instructions to the driver.

[Redforever86]

Good thread!

 

The car my boss did 120 mph in was a Nissan, either a Primera or Almera, I don't remember which. It was 2001 and it was a boxy looking saloon anyway, silver. He drove it from Glasgow to Annan and then I got to drive it back myself, alone.

At first, I felt the handling was a bit spongy, but by the time I had reached the A74(M) from Annan and was turning onto the motorway, I had firmly decided that the steering wheel had no relation whatsoever to what the car was actually doing.

The car didn't so much 'handle' as it did 'wallow'.

 

My mother had one of the first Mercedes A class which were released, a Mercedes A140 or something. Small but really tall cars which became notorious for toppling over when going around corners. (I think they had a design recall due to that). Pish for anything beyond going to the local shops. My then girlfriend and I drove to alton towers in it, which was very uncomfortable but at least we didn't topple over. Also, the windscreen wipers had a stupid design, which meant they could get tangled up with one another. This happened to my mum once, in pissing rain, and they had to drive on the M8 with the passenger sticking their head out the side window and shouting instructions to the driver.

It’s mental how your “normal” posts are both as shite and as unbelievable as your “religion” ones.

[Clydeside_Sheep]

the Fiat 500......emasculating hair driers.

Dave_min has a Fiat 500, incidentally.

 

We hired one in Florida on holiday. The wife (then g/f) booked it and claimed that was all they had (probably didn't want to pay for the Chevy Suburban I would have booked).

 

I actually liked it, with the drivers seat right back it was comfy enough. Of course most yanks are going around in massive pick ups and suvs. Having left the airport, we were sitting at lights and some of the other drivers were openly marvelling / laughing at the tiny Fiat.

 

Later, going into one of the tourist parks - at the 'toll booth' bit where you stop the car to pay - the guy actually came right out his booth to get a good look at the Fiat and said something along the lines of "what the f**ks is this you are driving?".

 

I do not generally like small cars, but it was OK and I would fancy a go in a Fiat 500 Abarth.

[Clydeside_Sheep]

It’s mental how your “normal” posts are both as shite and as unbelievable as your “religion” ones.

They are still better than your posts of any "type" fannybaws.

 

Anyway, what do you know of motors? You already said you only drive ten times a year, favouring your ancestral family donkey and cart.

[Poodler]

Peugeot 106 1.1. Looked like Donkey Kong from Mario Kart in it.

Haha that was my first car too.

 

Broke down and died just outside Granton On Spey after a scorching summers day on the hills with well known Y regular TC.

 

We got eaten alive by midges waiting for pickup and he never spoke to me for 6 months. True, that.

[Clydeside_Sheep]

Always wanted a Peugeot 205 GTI like all the cool kids but instead ended up getting a Peugeot 205d which was a 4 door E reg

I learned to drive in a diesel 205, great cars.

 

Remember the souped up GTIs in Max Power etc, with arches and mega wide tires.

 

Guy I was at uni with used his student grant to transplant a Mi16 engine from the Peugept 405 into his 205.

 

a great runner

Remember when that was a common line in car classified ads?

[Poodler]

Mind car mags?!

 

Max Power

 

 

Sooped up Renault 5's

[mcdougall(4)]

Dave_min has a Fiat 500, incidentally.

 

We hired one in Florida on holiday. The wife (then g/f) booked it and claimed that was all they had (probably didn't want to pay for the Chevy Suburban I would have booked).

 

I actually liked it, with the drivers seat right back it was comfy enough. Of course most yanks are going around in massive pick ups and suvs. Having left the airport, we were sitting at lights and some of the other drivers were openly marvelling / laughing at the tiny Fiat.

 

Later, going into one of the tourist parks - at the 'toll booth' bit where you stop the car to pay - the guy actually came right out his booth to get a good look at the Fiat and said something along the lines of "what the f**ks is this you are driving?".

 

I do not generally like small cars, but it was OK and I would fancy a go in a Fiat 500 Abarth.

 

 

You must be quite short then.

[dave_min]

@dave_min no longer has a Fiat 500.

 

What a motor she was.

 

Sad day when she left the fleet.

[Redforever86]

They are still better than your posts of any "type" fannybaws.

 

Anyway, what do you know of motors? You already said you only drive ten times a year, favouring your ancestral family donkey and cart.

What do I know of motors? They spin round and around just like the thoughts in your head when you consider: if Jesus loves everyone why did he make your life so pathetic and insignificant?

 

 

And you’d also drive a donkey and cart you dumb fuck.

[Oregon Red]

The worst cars you've driven. 

 

The Crossfire would qualify. Had all the handling of a roller skate, dealt with snow like Freddie Mercury dealt with AIDS... 100% unsuccessfully... (should have walked it off, Freddie)... cargo capacity that didn't go much above a pair of boots and a toolbox, and a profile that made it feel like you were pedaling a C5 along a freeway filled with giant trucks. 

 

The absolute worst, however, was the Ford Escort supplied by my company at the time.  First time I took it oot the road I tried to overtake some slow lad. Dropped a gear, pulled out, foot down, expecting to whiz by him in my shiny new motor. What happened was the Escort slooooooowly crept towards the guy in front, and I spent the next mile trying to pull alongside him. It wasn't like he was speeding up, there was just fuck all in my car's engine. I was forced to get back in behind flat cap, and enjoy the low speed convoy that formed up behind us. 

 

Possibly the most underpowered bucket of shite it was ever my misfortune to drive, and haven't owned or even looked at buying a Fordie since then. 

Weird i bought a new Escort back in 1999..got pulled over by a State Trooper going 97..the thing would move pretty fast..maybe i got a defective ane?

[euan2020]

My brother inherited my granda's Austin Allegro cos he stopped driving 

 

+ It was Lime Green - ha ha 

 

thank feck he was the older brother

 

looked like this 

 

https://www.google.com/search?q=austin+allegro&safe=active&rlz=1C1GGRV_enUS809US809&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=eyjhSaTqEr0tNM%252CuYPqW6eop9VSpM%252C_&usg=AI4_-kSzPlyfwPfP1p6_oa6vV47ndVI_3A&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjG7P3V1ObeAhVJhuAKHZWiCJ8Q_h0wGHoECAYQBA&biw=1366&bih=672#imgrc=Ehf756_Ih87A9M: