Sharting

[muttonhumper]

Quick poll.

This topic being quite current.

I'm a triple adult sharter.

Most recently last night while being on an hour walk back from pub in Doha, so quite unnerving situation.

Thought I could fart with confidence. Thought wrang.

 

Once at my work.

Luckily a Saturday and only person on the floor.
Just hoyed my drars in the skip ootside.

Once in a xxx club in Thailand.
Again, lucky as hotel was just round corner, missus wondering why I was back from club so quick...

 

[Arabian Knight]

yev goat a skittery erse fae yer bad diet

[muttonhumper]

I have a good diet, but probably bat for sharting.

 

Too muckle vegetables and salady, & local curried stuff in Iraq, which was far my guts started behaving badly on Sunday.

[1903Fitba]

Dodgy kebab in Paris rattled my bowels. The follow up was a state.

[muttonhumper]

Hasten to add, these have never been full jobby dump experiences.

Par example, the one last night probably mostly resembled a fun size mars bar that had been in a microwave for aboot 25 seconds.
Fairly fucking moist. More liquid than solid.

Was conveniently walking along the sea front, so within 10 seconds probably, the rogue toldie was floating aboot in the Arabian Gulf, and within 30 seconds i had opportunity to wash my hands in said sea.
Some bypassers did wonder what I was up to.
Nosey Indians.
Perhaps thought I was about to throw a seven.

Was so delighted when I reached a public toilet and checked my drars.
Had the fear, as I had just purchased recently, and they were very comfortable.

Not a single splatter of shite to be seen.

Possibly one of the happiest moments of my life.
Felt great to be alive.

[Hewitt a the pies]

Ones where you think you may have sharted but cant be 100% sure it wasn't just a warm moist wafty fart are the worst ones but the relief of seeing the faintest of skids on yer biffs is the only time anyone should be able to shout "YYYYEEESSS!" in a public lavvy. So I'm told!

[muttonhumper]

Ones where you think you may have sharted but cant be 100% sure it wasn't just a warm moist wafty fart are the worst ones but the relief of seeing the faintest of skids on yer biffs is the only time anyone should be able to shout "YYYYEEESSS!" in a public lavvy. So I'm told!

 

THIS!

 

Anyone who says this has not happened to them is a fibber.

Surely.

[YorkDon]

Did a job to Agincourt in France about 13yrs ago.

Got tipped and headed to the boozer for a couple of quick ones before dinner.Proceeded to get the drunkest I’ve ever been after swapping shots with the English barmaid and her mates behind the bar.I went outside,fresh air hit me,and I hit the pavement.Last thing I remember is telling my mate I was sleeping there.

Fast forward to next morning.Woke up feeling the worst I’ve ever felt.Risked a fart and ruined my boxers,jeans,and socks!

[boboisared]

Almost did it at work the other day. Had three shites. Every fart was a gamble.

[boboisared]

The only time I've actually done it was in my bed in the morning. Went for a fart and filled my boxers. Jumped in the shower and did the same. 

 

Ended up toeing a shite down the drain.

[dazzy_deff]

The only time I've actually done it was in my bed in the morning. Went for a fart and filled my boxers. Jumped in the shower and did the same. 

 

Ended up toeing a shite down the drain.

Is there any point in wiping your arse if you go for a shite first thing, before you go in the shower? 

[Pash]

I've sharted myself as mentioned previously on here.

 

However my mate actually shit himself while sleeping on the sofa steaming, like a proper intact turd snuggled up behind his naked body. His bird woke him up in the morning and went mental . He managed to get someone in who specializes in cleaning stained furniture, he must have smudged it into the sofa when he was woken up. Think he told them the dog done it, even though they don't have one.

[boboisared]

Is there any point in wiping your arse if you go for a shite first thing, before you go in the shower? 

Probably not.

[SheepieBaaBaa]

Is there any point in wiping your arse if you go for a shite first thing, before you go in the shower? 

 

I'd say undoubtedly there is.  Otherwise you are just a step away from taking a shite in the shower.  Arab types would most likely disagree.

 

I've had 2 upset stomach sharting experiences, one at work, one at an airport...neither pleasant.

[Ke1t]

Not sharting, but seems like the place to pose this question. 

 

I just had what must have been a 2 kilo shit, and it stank of battery acid. 

 

Is this cause for concern? 

 

Otherwise I feel fine. 

[dazzy_deff]

I'd say undoubtedly there is. Otherwise you are just a step away from taking a shite in the shower. Arab types would most likely disagree.

 

I've had 2 upset stomach sharting experiences, one at work, one at an airport...neither pleasant.

Well not really youve already done the shit in the pot. Just go into the shower and let the water clean your doke.

[DD1903]

Not sharting, but seems like the place to pose this question.

 

I just had what must have been a 2 kilo shit, and it stank of battery acid.

 

Is this cause for concern?

 

Otherwise I feel fine.

Take a walk

[Hewitt a the pies]

Not sharting, but seems like the place to pose this question.

 

I just had what must have been a 2 kilo shit, and it stank of battery acid.

 

Is this cause for concern?

 

Otherwise I feel fine.

I don't want to sound NEGATIVE but was it followed by a nasty dis-CHARGE?

[Bluto10]

Not sharting, but seems like the place to pose this question. 

 

I just had what must have been a 2 kilo shit, and it stank of battery acid. 

 

Is this cause for concern? 

 

Otherwise I feel fine.

 

 

what’s his name?

[daytripping]

Middle of Paris, World cup 98, England v Romania, watching on a big screen in the square, Romania score, me and my mates jubilant and taunting the England fans, bottles and punches flying, police trying to separate the different groups, fart was indeed a shite, worst time for it to happen, people may accuse me of shitting it as well as the mess that was happening down below. Eventually walked John Wayne style through the crowds and into the mankiest bar in Paris, got to the toilet....no toilet roll, jeans and boxers off and said boxers went to work on the clear up, a week on the piss had fairly loosened the bowels, was worse than I first thought. Tartan boxers too, casualties of war, had to leave them behind. Made it back to the front line but nae sure I smelt the freshest. 

 

I often ponder on quiet days at work what became of those boxers, one can only hope someone kind found them and took them home for a long soak and they still walk the planet today.

[Reed or deed]

Is there any point in wiping your arse if you go for a shite first thing, before you go in the shower?

 

Just save time by going straight in the shower, shiting in your hand then throw it in the bog.

[daytripping]

what’s his name?

 

Top posting bro, plus 1. 

[muttonhumper]

Middle of Paris, World cup 98, England v Romania, watching on a big screen in the square, Romania score, me and my mates jubilant and taunting the England fans, bottles and punches flying, police trying to separate the different groups, fart was indeed a shite, worst time for it to happen, people may accuse me of shitting it as well as the mess that was happening down below. Eventually walked John Wayne style through the crowds and into the mankiest bar in Paris, got to the toilet....no toilet roll, jeans and boxers off and said boxers went to work on the clear up, a week on the piss had fairly loosened the bowels, was worse than I first thought. Tartan boxers too, casualties of war, had to leave them behind. Made it back to the front line but nae sure I smelt the freshest. 

 

I often ponder on quiet days at work what became of those boxers, one can only hope someone kind found them and took them home for a long soak and they still walk the planet today.

 

Nice account.   

 

I recall that England v Romania game very well.

 

Watching in a sports bar in Lyon next to a canal, majority English punters but also around 25 bams fae Torry.

 

Think it was 1-0 Romania then guffs equalised quite late.

Much to our disappointment, and heavily celebrated by nigel & co.

 

Romania then score a last minute winner.

Most marvellous celebrations, up on the tables (including theirs), fa'ing aboot and athing.

Guffs were most surprised, i think they believed we were rooting for them.   

 

Few of them seemed to be willing to have a stramash, but wisely backed down.

Shat it, if you'll pardon the pun in the environment of this thread.

They'd probably have ended up in the canal, GMS style, but battered as well.

 

[afc_blockhead]

Quick poll.

This topic being quite current.

I'm a triple adult sharter.

 

Most recently last night while being on an hour walk back from pub in Doha, so quite unnerving situation.

Thought I could fart with confidence. Thought wrang.

 

Once at my work.

Luckily a Saturday and only person on the floor.

Just hoyed my drars in the skip ootside.

Once in a xxx club in Thailand.

Again, lucky as hotel was just round corner, missus wondering why I was back from club so quick...

 

The only topic youve created on here is about shitting yourself?

 

Case closed. Stupid fucking mong!

[tightbreeks]

Breaking the seal after a sesh or veggie meal is always worrying, combining both. Ooh ooh oooh.

[Dom Sullivan]

Breaking the seal after a sesh or veggie meal is always worrying, combining both. Ooh ooh oooh.

Would sharting with tight breeks on be a good or a bad thing, Mr Tightbreeks?

[S2RDS]

I have never had a shart that snuck up on me, but I have had hints of a yokey hole and sneezed, allowing said shart to commence. Happened at the football... i dont recall the game. 

[strachanmcgheegoal]

Ah the yokey hole. No finer a technical description exists anywhere. The comfort blanket of anal adjectives.

[pocrawred]

In Goa lying on top of bed covers after a days sun. Lying wrong way round on top of bed, wife reading a mag lying opposite way. I lifted my leg and farted, but turned out loose and flung oot my arse and smacked off the bed head!! Just missed the wifes left shoulder!!

[maryhilldon]

In Goa lying on top of bed covers after a days sun. Lying wrong way round on top of bed, wife reading a mag lying opposite way. I lifted my leg and farted, but turned out loose and flung oot my arse and smacked off the bed head!! Just missed the wifes left shoulder!!

I'd love to believe that's true.