If an intruder entered your home

[euan2020]

live in Texas

 

"Stand your ground" laws or something like that

 

friend has handgun in her nightstand drawer

[Bluto10]

I throw grenades down my stairs just in case anyone is hiding at the bottom

[Bluto10]

I throw grenades down my stairs just in case anyone is hiding at the bottom

 

and shout fire in the hole just like in the movies

[Red_Rocket_1983]

I do but ripping the radiator off the wall would take away the element of surprise.

 

[euan2020]

Was up at Huntsville Texas on Saturday - which is where Texas executes people 

 

so started taking a look at stats

 

lot of these guys have real bad history 

 

https://deathpenaltyinfo.org/executions/upcoming-executions

[Studebaker-90]

I hide whoopee cushions under the rugs so it sounds like the intruder farts.

[The Boofon]

I’ve built hover foundations and my house sits on that. It floats fifteen feet in the air and has anti ladder grease applied to stop intruders. Also has a force shield above it to stop any potential parachutist intruders trying to enter.

[Simply Red]

Push and pull signs on all the doors in my house but the opposite of what they really are. No way im sleeping thru that minefield. Then when caught and tortured a bit id get the intruder to go to work for me in my place with the threat that i will burn his ma’s house down with her in it obvs.

[Fridge]

Get a bucket of hydrochloric acid and place it over your lobby door like the hilarious old water jape.

 

Someone opens the door they are looking like Simon Weston, nae luck shouldn’t be fucking breaking into my house. I’ll put acid in a bucket where the fuck I want.

 

Nae good if you get a text from your ‘mum saying she’s nipping round to pick up ironing and you miss the text though.

[Simply Red]

Keep my car keys in a box near the front door but a box like they put the stars in on celebrity jungle.

But a bit worse. Snakes with aids. Cockroaches with rangers tops on. Rats on angel dust.

[Fridge]

Or leave your key in the door to entice a common thief.

 

But you’ve actually wired it to the mains.

[The Boofon]

Encase your house in jelly. Write your name on all your property in tippex but miss out the last letter of your name.

[Studebaker-90]

Don’t eat it though, chemicals.

[maryhilldon]

I leave a large cash box lying around, with a spring loaded boxing glove inside.

[Studebaker-90]

I’ve recently bought a lion which I keep in the vestibule

[The Boofon]

I’ve filled the jewellery boxes with stinging nettles.

[Studebaker-90]

Smart

[Poodler]

I’ve recently bought a lion which I keep in the vestibule

 

Hahahaha.

 

 

 

I leave my valuables with Michael Mols' wife. Ain't no one going near that

[Redforever86]

Got an ice axe in my wardrobe. Probably use that if I could be fucked getting out of bed.

 

Ironically the ice axe is kind of nae mine.

[Redstar]

My dog would munch the cunts

The dogs a good early warning system...gives you time to get armed...an axe would be the best all rounder...can be used in a confined space and fairly damaging if you can land a head shot...

[Bluto10]

Punji stake trap installed at the entrance to the beer stash

[Red_Rocket_1983]

Every week i destroy anything I have of value so that they get fuck all. 

 

Great thinking 

[maryhilldon]

Slap them round the face with a big foam hand. They don't know what to think and retreat bewildered.

[Studebaker-90]

Splash them in the face with one of those giant flowers that skooshes water

[Arabian Knight]

[Parklife]

Good choice. Any cunt can hit a 3 wood well.

[maryhilldon]

That's not practical in tight confines. Better with a shorter putter.

[Studebaker-90]

Tups driver?

[Pash]

I would cut the power then play the Exorcist theme tune to scare them off.

 

Or dress up as a ghost.

[maryhilldon]

Hahahaha.

 

 

 

 

You laugh at all Studes jokes. Quite sweet.