Cutlery

[JumboJET]

Right hand - fork.

Left hand - knife. 

If I am eating a dish that requires a spoon, for example soup, the spoon goes in my right hand.

What about you?

[Redforever86]

Chop sticks for Choi’s

[Betty Swallicks]

Spork or straw, feet.

[Guest milne_afc]

I use a catapult to feed the mrs 

[Ke1t]

41 minutes ago, JumboJET said:

Right hand - fork.

Left hand - knife. 

If I am eating a dish that requires a spoon, for example soup, the spoon goes in my right hand.

What about you?

There's none of this fancy 'cutlery' shit when you're deep in the woods with nothing but nature's bounty to sustain you... a few berries, maybe some acorns, mushies, and all the tree rats you can hit with a rock... not to mention bears can hear the clink of cutlery from 15 miles if the wind is blowing in the right direction.

You ever see a man torn to pieces by an enraged Kodiak, attracted by the sound of a fruit fork clinking delicately against the finest Deshouliers or Hutschenreuther?  

Might be okay in your fancy houses, but you try that shit in the wilderness and you're going to end up shat out by every bear in a 700 mile area, thank you. 

 

[Reed or deed]

20 minutes ago, Ke1t said:

There's none of this fancy 'cutlery' shit when you're deep in the woods with nothing but nature's bounty to sustain you... a few berries, maybe some acorns, mushies, and all the tree rats you can hit with a rock... not to mention bears can hear the clink of cutlery from 15 miles if the wind is blowing in the right direction.

You ever see a man torn to pieces by an enraged Kodiak, attracted by the sound of a fruit fork clinking delicately against the finest Deshouliers or Hutschenreuther?  

Might be okay in your fancy houses, but you try that shit in the wilderness and you're going to end up shat out by every bear in a 700 mile area, thank you. 

 

You never heard of plastic or wooden cutlery pal?

[Ke1t]

23 minutes ago, Reed or deed said:

You never heard of plastic or wooden cutlery pal?

Plastic's fine if you're eating escargot or canapes on a sailboat with a bunch of chinless Nigels and Emmas, but you try stabbing a burnt steak with a plastic fork and that utensil's shattering like a Hun's knee after a perfectly fair tackle. 

And wood?

Wood's fine if you're a hippy who doesn't mind bacteria sticking in the porous material, regardless of how well you scrub it. 

You ever came down with a massive bacterial infection while 50 miles from the nearest dirt track? Sure, you can walk that shit off if you're rugged and butch, but the animals are guaranteed to sense your weakened condition... and before you know it you've a pack of wolves circling you, and all you have to fend them off with is a ropey wooden spoon. 

Good luck with THAT wilderness situation, my friend.

[Ohjimmyjimmy]

If u use right hand for fork then u r retard.

[Poodler]

6 minutes ago, Ohjimmyjimmy said:

If u use right hand for fork then u r retard.

Posh cunt

[Poodler]

Do yous cut stuff properly or just stab with fork and pull apart with knife? 

[1903Fitba]

6 minutes ago, Poodler said:

Do yous cut stuff properly or just stab with fork and pull apart with knife? 

How are you eating a steak if you’re not cutting it? 
 

Spastic. 

[Guest milne_afc]

I just use the edge of a fork. Very rarely bother with a knife unless I’m having corn on the cob.

[Parklife]

Fork - Left hand 

Knife - Right hand 

Because I'm a bloody grown-up. 

[Poodler]

2 hours ago, 1903Fitba said:

How are you eating a steak if you’re not cutting it? 
 

Spastic. 

I’m vegan pal 

[The Boofon]

5 minutes ago, Poodler said:

I’m vegan pal 

Not true. First time you’ve ever mentioned it. Goes against the vegan convention to mention it every sentence. 

[Ke1t]

3 hours ago, Poodler said:

I’m vegan pal 

I'm no expert on veganism, but I'm like 99% sure you're allowed steak. 

[BrianFaePerth]

8 hours ago, milne_afc said:

I just use the edge of a fork. Very rarely bother with a knife unless I’m having corn on the cob.

Then you’d surely use corn on the cob forks like a normal person 

[Guest milne_afc]

5 hours ago, BrianFaePerth said:

Then you’d surely use corn on the cob forks like a normal person 

I don’t live by “The Rules”.

[Dons79]

8 hours ago, Ke1t said:

I'm no expert on veganism, but I'm like 99% sure you're allowed steak. 

Thank fuck you went 99%
no animal produce can be consumed or worn being a vegan, be it milk,cheese,steak,wear fur coats or leather etc.

you can get vegan steaks but they are plant based shite

[chief_wiggum]

10 minutes ago, Dons79 said:

Thank fuck you went 99%
no animal produce can be consumed or worn being a vegan, be it milk,cheese,steak,wear fur coats or leather etc.

you can get vegan steaks but they are plant based shite

You can have bacon if it's cut up really small.......Tru dat

[Dons79]

9 hours ago, Sooper-hanz said:

Aye, that's what I do as well. I'm right handed so cut with the knife in my right hand. 

Here’s the difference, am right handed but start off using the knife on my right also but, I interchange while eating regularly!, also use a teaspoon to savour my pudding(unless a sundae!, then a longer teaspoon is needed) instead of using a big bastard serving spoon and 2 bites and gone.

[Dons79]

1 minute ago, chief_wiggum said:

You can have bacon if it's cut up really small.......Tru dat

Unfortunately pancetta or bacon lardons are still pig! Ya cheat yae ??

[The Boofon]

18 minutes ago, Dons79 said:

Thank fuck you went 99%
no animal produce can be consumed or worn being a vegan, be it milk,cheese,steak,wear fur coats or leather etc.

you can get vegan steaks but they are plant based shite

Not really a steak though is it?

 

 

[Dons79]

1 minute ago, The Boofon said:

Not really a steak though is it?

 

 

Absolutely correct, what I call in the culinary world as utter poison, along with all the rest of the fake meat market 

fucking tofu gads 

[Redforever86]

59 minutes ago, Bad_Mobby said:

Going out for a steak (probably Rib-eye) tonight (and scallops and vino) 

I’m having a Ribeye tonight (Tesco’s finest). 

[BrianFaePerth]

3 hours ago, milne_afc said:

I don’t live by “The Rules”.

Which is why you end up on a job where people post you manky t-shirts

[Guest milne_afc]