Putting Your Foot In It

[BaaBaaRedSheep]

I am sure that we have all either said or done something that, in retrospect, we would have been better not saying or doing. 

In other words, "putting our foot in it".

When I was late teens / early twenties I went to my step aunt's funeral. At the wake afterwards I was in my distraught uncle's company when there was an understandable, pregnant pause in the conversation. 

Instead of letting the awkward silence go on I just had to say something. "Fine day isn't it?", to which my uncle lost the plot and gave me a 1,000 reasons why it wasn't a fine day, ripping me a new one in the process.

My crass, ill advised comment back then still bugs me decades later.

I am sure that there are better, funnier examples amongst the good folk of The Hat?

 

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

One that still nags me to this day is when I called a quine by her dead sister's name. (Her sadly departed sister was ages with me at the school as well, so I should've known better (loved Jim Diamond)).

I must have did this at least 3 times before it finally penetrated my thick grey matter what her actual name was.

[BrianFaePerth]

Eh observed this rather than did it, but at a restaurant a few weeks back the waitress showed a couple to the table next to us.
 

She was very pleasant, smiley and welcoming to the couple and excitedly asked “when are you due”

The burd was of course just fat. She got really angry and stormed out, her man left in her wake all bewildered.

Made our dinner it did.

[Guest Matt Armstrong's Dog]

Just now, BrianFaePerth said:

Eh observed this rather than did it, but at a restaurant a few weeks back the waitress showed a couple to the table next to us.
 

She was very pleasant, smiley and welcoming to the couple and excitedly asked “when are you due”

The burd was of course just fat. She got really angry and stormed out, her man left in her wake all bewildered.

Made our dinner it did.

😄😄. A lovely anecdote.

[BaaBaaRedSheep]

32 minutes ago, BrianFaePerth said:

Eh observed this rather than did it, but at a restaurant a few weeks back the waitress showed a couple to the table next to us.
 

She was very pleasant, smiley and welcoming to the couple and excitedly asked “when are you due”

The burd was of course just fat. She got really angry and stormed out, her man left in her wake all bewildered.

Made our dinner it did.

Brilliant 🤣.

Reminds me of a time when we were out for meal and noticed a big breasted wifey in a low cut dress 2 tables up.

One if not both puppies were lurching above the dress line, and nipples were on view.

Nobody informed her, either because they didn't know how to or they were enjoying the view.

Bizarre evening that was.

[For Fecks Sake]

One that still gives me the fear even now, not being aware that a particularly difficult customers line manager, from our then largest client, was copied into an e-mail and I did a "reply all" stating that the person could "go fuck herself". As soon as I sent it I realised what I had done and shat it given that this was our biggest customer at the time.

He immediately replied, but surprisingly never ripped me a new one but instead stated I should of 'phrased my comments more constructively'. 

Although this happened over 10 years ago I still cringe like fuck when I recall doing it.

[BrianFaePerth]

16 minutes ago, For Fecks Sake said:

One that still gives me the fear even now, not being aware that a particularly difficult customers line manager, from our then largest client, was copied into an e-mail and I did a "reply all" stating that the person could "go fuck herself". As soon as I sent it I realised what I had done and shat it given that this was our biggest customer at the time.

He immediately replied, but surprisingly never ripped me a new one but instead stated I should of 'phrased my comments more constructively'. 

Although this happened over 10 years ago I still cringe like fuck when I recall doing it.

That reminds me of my first boss in Norway. He called an important client from his car, the call went to voicemail and he said the Norwegian equivalent of “you fuckin dick”‘before realising it had been recorded.

 

Nothing was ever said about it.

[Poodler]

Used to work with a boy with a prosthetic arm. Had no idea until I noticed it one day and was going ‘ha far did you get that from’. Stony silence around the lunch table. I kept laughing thinking he was joking/ poking fun at it, dragged it on far too long Still gives me the fear 15 year later. 

 

got sacked soon after (unrelated) 

[Bluto10]

26 minutes ago, BrianFaePerth said:

That reminds me of my first boss in Norway. He called an important client from his car, the call went to voicemail and he said the Norwegian equivalent of “you fuckin dick”‘before realising it had been recorded.

 

Nothing was ever said about it.

that’s a good story bri.

 

go and tell it again

[Don Fonte]

At school in 5th or 6th year.  New boy came to school.  Noticed he was always wearing a wooly hat, even on sunny days.

Ripped into him one particularly sunny day.  He looked a bit shocked but played along.

After he left got told he was getting treated for cancer and did it to hide his bald head.

Ah no.

[Ando]

A few years back, my other half's old dear was still getting used to mobile phones, text messaging, acronyms etc, late to the show as oldies tend to be. Anyway, one day following a bereavement in the family, she thought she'd send a text message of condolensce to the late person's spouse. In it she wrote "Sorry for your loss. LOL", fundamentally misunderstanding that LOL in text messages doesn't mean lots of love. There wasn't much laughing out loud in response... 😳

[Quagmire]

Heaps. At the weekend there, my mate (who's married to a paranoid Scottish lass who always thinks he's up no good in Bangkok) walked into the pub and I gave him a sarcastic "alright Shagger", only for his wife to appear just behind him. Stoney silence. Most awkward one I can remember was getting asked to do something by my coffin dodging boss when I was working in Aberdeen, sent a DM to my work mate saying "that old cunt can get to fuck" only to send it to my boss instead. Managed to mumble something about my bird getting hassle at her work from a guy and thought i was replying to her. 

[styrofoamplates]

In 2001 when I was 20 and on my Uni work placement working in an office, I was trying to send a fax and the fucker wasn't working. I muttered quite loudly under my breath 'stop being so fucking gay' only to discover the office homosexual was sitting within earshot and looked round at me.

I looked at him and quickly said 'this just isn't my fucking day' and pointed at the fax machine and walked off. 

He knew what I said though. 

[Fridge]

I was recently sitting in a bar and four folk came and sat behind me who I never noticed, one of them proceeded to slag fuck out of me without knowing I was there. 

I didn’t pull her up just left it as I thought it was funny but when I went for a piss she clocked me and must have realised / suspected that I had heard everything. Massive red face for her.

 

[maryhilldon]

44 minutes ago, Fridge said:

I was recently sitting in a bar and four folk came and sat behind me who I never noticed, one of them proceeded to slag fuck out of me without knowing I was there. 

I didn’t pull her up just left it as I thought it was funny but when I went for a piss she clocked me and must have realised / suspected that I had heard everything. Massive red face for her.

 

What was she saying Fridgeo?

[Fridge]

1 minute ago, maryhilldon said:

What was she saying Fridgeo?

Basically that she used to work for me, can’t remember exactly and I was a dick (tell us something everyone on here doesn’t know)

But the bizarre thing was I don’t even think she did work for me or at least definitely not directly as I didn’t have a fucking clue who she was.

 

[maryhilldon]

4 minutes ago, Fridge said:

 

But the bizarre thing was I don’t even think she did work for me or at least definitely not directly as I didn’t have a fucking clue who she was.

 

Word gets around.

[Bluto10]

35 minutes ago, maryhilldon said:

What was she saying Fridgeo?

he’s got a trendy pecker and is rubbish in bed.

 

and his breath stinks of onions but she didn’t tell him that did she

[Fridge]

9 minutes ago, Bluto10 said:

he’s got a trendy pecker and is rubbish in bed.

 

and his breath stinks of onions but she didn’t tell him that did she

You on the cans? What the fuck does trendy pecker mean, did you mean tiny?

[Bluto10]

Just now, Fridge said:

You on the cans? What the fuck does trendy pecker mean, did you mean tiny?

haha - I meant teeny

 

😛

[Arabian Knight]

1 hour ago, Fridge said:

You on the cans? What the fuck does trendy pecker mean, did you mean tiny?

ez oan holidiy (france eh hink)..keeps ez holidiys hush hush efter hans trackd eh cunt tae ez hotel rim n pit eh fear o god in him 😅 shytebag bastart

[Fridge]

8 minutes ago, Arabian Knight said:

ez oan holidiy (france eh hink)..keeps ez holidiys hush hush efter hans trackd eh cunt tae ez hotel rim n pit eh fear o god in him 😅 shytebag bastart

Still one of the funniest episodes on here @Sooper-hanz

 

[ericblack4boss]

Was needing to  buy gloves at a builders merchant one time, and the assistant was looking through the selection a heap of them were just single gloves,

To which I replied " fuck sake you must have a boy with one arm taking them all," only to realise that the guy serving me had one arm!

 

This was a great reply from a girl I was giving a lift to her work for a few weeks , the previous guy was a friend of mine who was getting paid in kind for his efforts, he was starting a new job so was no longer able to take her, I promptly volunteered my services upon hearing this and knowing she was a dirty bitch.

Anyway after a couple of weeks she said on the journey in one morning , just as I was away to drop her off " so what are you wanting for the last two weeks" I said " we can go to a quiet spot and we can sort it out" 

To which she said that was not happening 

Well as I drew up at her work and she got out of the motor, I said " we'll go fuck  yourself then, after all everyone else has"

Feeling pretty good with that she lent in as she was away to close door and hit me with a fantastic come back.

" You fucking haven't"

 

[dave_min]

I’ve accidentally just told the Mrs where I’m taking her on a romantic weekend away.

This wouldn’t have happened if McInnes was still in charge.

[Don Fonte]

5 minutes ago, dave_min said:

I’ve accidentally just told the Mrs where I’m taking her on a romantic weekend away.

This wouldn’t have happened if McInnes was still in charge.

'Romantic'

Translation.  Rag dolling her for a weekend.

[Bluto10]

1 hour ago, Don Fonte said:

'Romantic'

Translation.  Rag dolling her for a weekend.

what’s his name don?

[Don Fonte]

5 minutes ago, Bluto10 said:

what’s his name don?

Looks like it's Dave, min.

[Arabian Knight]

cunt canna handle ez drink if e sterts early..tak groningen fir xempl..shat eezsel..raped by africans..fell in a canal..nae wonder ye dinna stray tae far fae yir partner ye fat poofy generic whimperin cunt

 

[Fridge]

4 minutes ago, Arabian Knight said:

cunt canna handle ez drink if e sterts early..tak groningen fir xempl..shat eezsel..raped by africans..fell in a canal..nae wonder ye dinna stray tae far fae yir partner ye fat poofy generic whimperin cunt

 

Was a great fall from fame to be fair, can outdrink the world and Netherlands top banana didn’t even make the game. But he’s a good lad I’m sure.

[perthshirered]

10 hours ago, BaaBaaRedSheep said:

I am sure that we have all either said or done something that, in retrospect, we would have been better not saying or doing. 

In other words, "putting our foot in it".

When I was late teens / early twenties I went to my step aunt's funeral. At the wake afterwards I was in my distraught uncle's company when there was an understandable, pregnant pause in the conversation. 

Instead of letting the awkward silence go on I just had to say something. "Fine day isn't it?", to which my uncle lost the plot and gave me a 1,000 reasons why it wasn't a fine day, ripping me a new one in the process.

My crass, ill advised comment back then still bugs me decades later.

I am sure that there are better, funnier examples amongst the good folk of The Hat?

 

I'd be disappointed if there weren't any funnier or better examples as your one is truly appalling.