The Perfect Murder

[daytripping]

Here's the scenario; someone you know has really pissed you off and you want them off this planet, not a relative or friend just someone you know, how would you do the deed and how would you cover it up?

[Geoff_Tipps]

I'd get in touch with the McCann's.

[minijc]

Was thinking about doing a similar thread last week, strange that, anyways, below is what I'd do.

 

To start with, I'd shave all my body hair off and buy a wetsuit, this leaving very little dna at the scene, I would use ice to stab the person, smash out their teeth, throw them in the sea and then burn the body, mode of transport would have to be a milk float, easy to get a hold of and return or burn again leaving very little DNA.

[Big Man]

F**kin good post daytripping.

 

Not really the aggressive type so mines would be the thinking mans crime. What i'd have to do is gift them a nice bottle of malt laced with a lethal cocktail of whatever they use on death row in the states. Get him to invite me round for a nice meall, couple of bottles of vino – then ask him to break out the malt while i go for a slash. Can't go anywhere with CCTV.

 

Come back he's conked out. Bundle him into the back of my defender and drive him back to my hoose in the country. Bag up the bottle of malt and the used glasses etc. Shave off his hair, pull out his teeth put them in the bag along with malt – off to the incinerator they go. Chop up his body, straight into a vat of hydrofluoric acid.

 

Wait 5 days – taking the thick remaining liquid and pour it into a pre dug ditch – it'll drain into the ground.Cover over the ditch with mud.

 

Clean the defender with bleach and burn all clothes worn on the night.

 

The important bits are the details, remember to leave his wallet, car keys etc in his hoose. Jump into his bed to make look like it's been slept in. Most importantly, the instant he's deid turn his fone off and take the battery out to prevent passive triangulation.

 

Thats me.

 

Off course no trace of a body is no guarantee against prosecution – just ask poor nat fraser.

 

[RAZOR]

Killing them would be the easy part. Getting rid of the body would raise a problem. I would starve a group of pigs and feed the body to them thus leaving no evidence. No evidence,no crime.

[Coopy100]

I'd do a Harold Shipman. Worked for him for years, just got greedy

[granite sheep]

I'd get in touch with the McCann's.

Buggered if I ken about doin the deed- I'd probably see if I can find a boy to dae it for me. However, if I can find a pig farm, I'm pretty much sorted as far as body disposal's concerned.

[granite sheep]

I'd get in touch with the McCann's.

Whoops, doubler. Fit about using a wood chipper to get the body doon to smush, if ye canna find pigs? Worked in Fargo at least.

[Big Man]

Killing them would be the easy part. Getting rid of the body would raise a problem. I would starve a group of pigs and feed the body to them thus leaving no evidence. No evidence,no crime.

 

Remember to pull the teeth out for the sake of the poor piggy's digestion.

 

And starve them for a puckle o' days first. Then the site of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.

 

[Coopy100]

I'd do a Harold Shipman. Worked for him for years, just got greedy

I didn't post this. Someone else did.

[360]

I'd get him drunk, and crack on some Huey Lewis & The News (It's hip to be square).

 

I would then explain to him why I enjoyed this particular track, and the band as a whole.

 

Then, "HEY PAUL", and crack him with an axe.

 

[Dazzler]

I 'd suggest something based on this short story by Roald Dahl.

 

http://www.classicshorts.com/stories/lamb.html

[Jocky Balboa]

What would Jack Bauer do?

[Big Man]

Mon daytripping, this is your thread. Tell us about how you would carry out:

 

[slippers]

Was thinking about doing a similar thread last week, strange that, anyways, below is what I'd do.

 

To start with, I'd shave all my body hair off and buy a wetsuit, this leaving very little dna at the scene, I would use ice to stab the person, smash out their teeth, throw them in the sea and then burn the body, mode of transport would have to be a milk float, easy to get a hold of and return or burn again leaving very little DNA.

Pmp! Thought about this far 2 much!

[BrianFaePerth]

Get yer intended victim to prepare to publish a dossier that would implicate govt members in a conspiracy, say involving Iraq, and then he will suddenly suicide himself. Job done.

[BrianFaePerth]

Was thinking about doing a similar thread last week, strange that, anyways, below is what I'd do.

 

To start with, I'd shave all my body hair off and buy a wetsuit, this leaving very little dna at the scene, I would use ice to stab the person, smash out their teeth, throw them in the sea and then burn the body, mode of transport would have to be a milk float, easy to get a hold of and return or burn again leaving very little DNA.

 

Eh see a flaw in yer plan

[minijc]

I saw that but i think the cunning chap is planning to throw just the teeth in the sea before making a sharp getaway in the milk float.

That is exactly the plan, change milkfloat to a quad.

[360]

Force snow into their mouth until they start choking. They die, but the snow melts.

 

Not my idea, either saw it on a film or in a book somewhere. Can't remember.

[BrianFaePerth]

I saw that but i think the cunning chap is planning to throw just the teeth in the sea before making a sharp getaway in the milk float.

 

Poor grammar has been the downfall of many a murderer

[minijc]

Poor grammar has been the downfall of many a murderer

My grammer isn't actually that bad.

[Bluto10]

i'd follow dexters lead.

 

get a kill room. and clean up properly.

[The Boofon]

Was thinking about doing a similar thread last week, strange that, anyways, below is what I'd do.

 

To start with, I'd shave all my body hair off and buy a wetsuit, this leaving very little dna at the scene, I would use ice to stab the person, smash out their teeth, throw them in the sea and then burn the body, mode of transport would have to be a milk float, easy to get a hold of and return or burn again leaving very little DNA.

 

 

A bald guy in a wet suit doing 8mph on a milk float would arouse my suspicions.

 

 

That is exactly the plan, change milkfloat to a quad.

 

 

THat's more under the radar than a stealth bomber.

 

For what it's worth I've discussed numerous ways of disposing of the wife with her. Leaving her in a field while combine harvesting is taking place was a favourite until we had children.

 

Now it's throw a kids birthday party but fill one balloon with Nitrogen instead of Helium. When everyone cracks open the balloons to do the squeaky voice I hand her the Nitrogen filled balloon. One breath and it's tatties for her with no trace of Nitrogen present and death by asphyxiation. Plenty witnesses all to say she just took a tug of the balloon and hit the deck.

 

It'll end up on the History channel as one of those unsolved death programmes.

 

Perfect. All I need to do is not tell anyone my plan.

[RUL]

Good thread and some good ideas. Watch your back milne

[s1dnk]

Can't believe this hasn't been posted yet.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBvCPTK1MmY

[Sonoftherock]

 

THat's more under the radar than a stealth bomber.

 

For what it's worth I've discussed numerous ways of disposing of the wife with her. Leaving her in a field while combine harvesting is taking place was a favourite until we had children.

 

Now it's throw a kids birthday party but fill one balloon with Nitrogen instead of Helium. When everyone cracks open the balloons to do the squeaky voice I hand her the Nitrogen filled balloon. One breath and it's tatties for her with no trace of Nitrogen present and death by asphyxiation. Plenty witnesses all to say she just took a tug of the balloon and hit the deck.

 

It'll end up on the History channel as one of those unsolved death programmes.

 

Perfect. All I need to do is not tell anyone my plan.

 

Nitrogen is inert. It's not toxic (unless pressurised) - you wouldn't die from one breath. You'd need to be breathing pure nitro for at least 20 or 30 seconds, inorder to purge your body of oxygen.

[ebbe]

A bald guy in a wet suit doing 8mph on a milk float would arouse my suspicions.

 

f**king quality

[The Boofon]

Nitrogen is inert. It's not toxic (unless pressurised) - you wouldn't die from one breath. You'd need to be breathing pure nitro for at least 20 or 30 seconds, inorder to purge your body of oxygen.

 

I suggest you have a look at some of these videos before waffling in future and ask me how big my balloons are before jumping in feet first.

 

One breath of pure Nitrogen at atmospheric pressure is enough to kill you if it's a big breath and a big balloon.

 

Latest Fatality with Nitrogen

 

Nitrogen doesn't need to be pressurised to be toxic. You fill a room with Nitrogen and walk into it and you're a goner.

 

Anyway no doubt you'll come back and argue the toss but I'm nae getting involved. It's supposed to be a fun thread FFS so wind yer neck in. :blahblah1:

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ItJe2Incs

 

Breathing Nitrogen

[RUL]

Who said it was a fun thread?:confused:

[ebbe]

i would pay a big fat black guy with aids to rape said victim. then i would smuggle him out of the country and into serbia, dumping him there with no passport or money. before leaving dye his hair ginger, solder his mouth shut and remove both his hands with a meat cleaver.