Aberdeen's Worst Xi

[Byrne Baby Byrne]

Quite amusing

 

http://www.terracepodcast.com/blogs.html

 

Worst XI: Aberdeen

02/26/20130 Comments

 

Hello and welcome to the seventh installment of our "Worst XI" series, celebrating the useless diddies that have fans of each of Scotland's top clubs have had the displeasure of watching in their beloved club colours. In the last blog we looked at the regrets of Ross County, now it is time for a brief trip south to look at the worst offered up by Aberdeen. John Callan writes.

 

The immediate need for the cold, confined comfort of a darkened cupboard aside, assembling Aberdeen’s ‘Worst XI’ of the SPL era raises a number of issues. Firstly, the timeframe is almost redundant: the recent past has been as barren, frustrating and humiliation-heavy as any other period in the club’s history. While this is convenient in terms of offering an array of choice, this scope also throws up a few more problems.

 

Sadly, there have been so many different types of awful, that narrowing them down becomes tricky. It is difficult, for example, to argue that a fresh-faced yet clearly sub-standard youngster was better than a costly, apathetic flop, yet their places in AFC history perhaps deserved to be remembered against a backdrop of different expectations. There are other factors too: effort, ability, popularity, results, scandal and the exact measurement of how demoralising it was to see their name on the team sheet of a weekend.

 

Thus, a balance has to be struck. With a bit of luck, this side covers all the bases, the innocent incompetents and the cynical charlatans alike. What we end up with may make for difficult reading for those of us who’ve made significant financial and emotional investments into the side over the last fifteen years. Think of it though, as a warning from history, a necessary Aberdonian spectre of uselessness, a time capsule buried behind the Beach End to ensure the same mistakes aren’t repeated. Arranged into a 4-3-3.

 

 

Goalkeeper - Bertrand Bossu

 

With a six foot-seven frame and limbs which appeared to be sentient beings in of themselves, the French ‘keeper was quite astonishing. Perhaps harshly, his inclusion here is based largely on one performance, a 4-2 shellacking at Rugby Park. Never has anyone looked so uncomfortable in a Dons shirt, to the point where Killie players began launching efforts at goal from all angles, not unlike the manner of a Sunday league side sensing that their opponent’s ‘keeper has slept in and missed kick-off. It was to be his final start, and the man with the implausibly sinister name can now be found safely in England’s eighth tier.

 

 

Right-back - Jackie McNamara

 

Though remembered fondly at other clubs, his Aberdeen experience was an unmitigated disaster. Signed in the summer of 2007, a mixture of injuries (which were blamed on a daily commute from Edinburgh) and poor form meant he frequently looked a shadowy husk of his former-international self. The nadir came in the 2008 Scottish Cup semi final, where an apathetic and ineffectual performance saw him substituted on the hour. In the midst of a cacophony of boos from an already peeved Dons support, Jackie barely broke stride in jogging from the pitch and straight down the Hampden tunnel. Presumably to a waiting getaway car with the engine running; he was never spotted in Aberdeen colours again.

 

Left-back - Jamie McQuilken

 

The summer of 2003 became a watershed for Aberdeen. Banished were the excesses of the Skovdahl era, this had to be a time when fees and wages were cut back to a more manageable level. Steve Paterson signed McQuilken from Falkirk for £60,000, as the Dons looked to the SFL for bargains. Sadly, the problem with this policy was that many proved woefully short in the top flight. Nowhere was this more apparent than with the awkward figure of McQuilken. After just seven terrible league appearances (and one win) Paterson agreed, and he was deemed surplus by the following January.

 

Centre-half - Jerel Ifil

 

Arrived with the moniker of ‘the Beast’ and, in his defence, lacked nothing in commitment. That he was starkly conspicuous for ham-fisted ineptitude in a league where unsophisticated cloggers can forge out a decent career though, speaks volumes. His feet treated the ball with suspicion and venom, a trait which proved particularly unfortunate whilst in possession. An incident at St Mirren Park springs to mind, with Ifil by this time quarantined to right-back, no longer trusted in the immediate vicinity of his own goal. Under no pressure, his attempt to cut the ball into the rough airspace of a forward morphed into a high fade, finding instead the rear of the Main Stand to his right. Speechless.

 

Centre-half - Dave Bus

 

Appropriately, watching the blonde Dutch centre-half was bleaker than a smoke-filled trip on the 03:30 number 19 from Broad Street to Peterculter. Signed on loan from De Graafschap, redeeming features of any sort were thin on the ground. His crowning glory came against Inverness Caledonian Thistle, nodding inexplicably into his own net. Where exactly he intended that header to go remains one of life’s great unresolved mysteries.

 

 

Centre-midfield - Nigel Pepper

 

He cost £300,000. He lacked skill. His passing was poor. But, more notably, he was an unreliable thug. His Aberdeen career can be defined within a seven-minute period in 1999, six of which had elapsed into a substitute appearance before he scythed down Regi Blinker to earn a red card. Seventeen seconds into his return from suspension against Dundee United, a second pre-meditated chop earned him his marching orders once more. The briefest of gaps between two red cards was his sole achievement at Aberdeen.

 

Centre-midfield - Davide Grassi

 

Although initially a defender, the most backward of logic from Mark McGhee saw Grassi thrust into the centre of midfield, where his dizzying clumsiness was laid bare. Left-footed and calamitous, he seemed bewildered by the pace and even the standard of SPL football, watching games take place around him before periodically sticking out a wild leg like a terrified horse in the middle of a busy shopping precinct. The high watermark of his popularity came after just a couple of fleeting appearances, when he donned an AFC-themed facemask to protect a fractured cheekbone. If only Davide hadn’t kicked a ball subsequently, he’d be remembered a hero.

 

Centre-midfield - Nicolas Fabiano

 

Hey, let’s be fair, I’d be annoyed if circumstance forced me to swap the Champs-Élysées for Union Street. The former PSG midfielder’s displays betrayed this annoyance though, drifting in and out of matches with an insouciant disdain which delighted enthusiasts of national stereotypes. Sent off in his debut against Partick Thistle, unfit and uninterested thereafter, Fabiano departed after just seventeen appearances. Clearly scarred by the Aberdeen experience, he’s never played outside of Paris since, presumably spending his time frightening the clientele of Latin Quarter brasseries with tales of this grey, miserable purgatory in northern Scotland.

 

 

Forward - Tommy Wright

 

Clearly inspired by the exploits of Pepper, the aggressive Wright arrived from Darlington for around £100,000 in 2008 - notably long after any era of financial excess. His Fir Park debut was a microcosm for a miserable Dons career. Introduced with twenty minutes remaining, he contrived to miss a free header from point blank range with his first touch. He then attempted to head butt Stephen Craigan, before launching into two desperately late lunges on Steven Hammell - a caution being the euphemistic outcome for his afternoon’s work. "It is the way I play and I won't change it," bellowed a defiant Wright. He was released with a year and a half left on his generous contract.

 

Forward - Bryan Prunty

 

To Prunty’s credit, he has since forged out a good career in the SFL. Try telling that to those paying entry to Pittodrie in 2004 though. For the last six months of a thoroughly miserable season, with only Partick Thistle to save the Dons from relegation, Prunty took his place in a depressingly inadequate side and was still conspicuous for being particularly out of his depth. Perhaps harshly, he has come to embody one of the club’s lowest ebbs, and is now used as a means through which supporters warn against any potential signing from the leagues below: “He can score a few in the Second Division, like.” “Aye, so can Bryan Prunty.”

 

Foward - Leon Mike

 

In this XI alone, there have been several whose spell at Aberdeen has precipitated a swift downturn in their careers. For Leon Mike, his time at the Dons was an emphatic end. Arriving for £50,000 from Manchester City, the highly-rated, 21-year-old Lilleshall graduate had all the attributes for a devastating number nine, with goals on his debut and his first start affirming his promise. He only scored four more thereafter, looking slow, rotund and more than happy to collect his reportedly significant wage whilst offering little in return. As his performances implied, he had become disillusioned with the very concept of football itself, and never played professionally again. AFC have never claimed to be efficient, but to have dismantled a much-vaunted youngster quite so comprehensively in fifteen months must have taken some doing.

 

 

Manager - Alex Miller

 

The most difficult choice of them all. Ebbe Skovdahl finished bottom with a hefty budget. Mark McGhee was arrogant and hopeless. Steve Paterson managed to miss a home game after an all-night-bender and left in the boot of a car. But Aberdeen’s worst manager in the SPL period was also the first: Alex Miller. An appalling choice in the first place, his Dons sides not only played negative football, but played it badly, the type of football which can drain life from a club. He conducted the worst transfer deal in the club’s history, (in the SPL’s history?) not content with merely downgrading Billy Dodds for Robbie Winters, chucking in three-quarters of a million for good measure. There appeared to be a mutually contemptuous relationship with supporters. Results started poorly and got worse, his limp reign barely showing enough gumption to muster a high point.

 

I’m confident he could get the very worst out of this bunch, if such a terrifying hypothetical match involving this team were to ever take place. Following Aberdeen can be bad. It should never have to be that bad.

[zander]

Fair list of shite there.

 

Langfield for Bossu though

 

Can't argue with much more tbh

[Huntlysheep]

Stick Hughes, Fallon in there too.

[Dynamo]

Rory Fallon is pushing for a start up front there surely.

[StandFree1982]

IFIL - Under no pressure, his attempt to cut the ball into the rough airspace of a forward morphed into a high fade, finding instead the rear of the Main Stand to his right. Speechless.

 

:hysterical:

 

[Huntlysheep]

Forgot about IFIL utter joke o a player.

[StandFree1982]

I felt sorry for the lad. He was one of those players who gave his all but didn't have anything to actually give in terms of talent.

 

Would you rather have a talentless player who gives everything or a great talent who gives nothing? Neither preferably!

[ollie1903]

Any worst X1 that does not include Rory Fallon or Josh Magennis is not worthy of the name.

 

*EDIT*

 

And you can stick that despicable non entity Zander fucking Diamond in there too.

[barassie_afc]

i think harsh on prunty he as a bargain basement signing , Fallon is far worse

[zander]

Mawene

[Redstar]

No prizes for guessing who would be managing...I'm guessing Rae and Hughes are warming the bench

[Dynamo]

Worst XI in terms of money paid/expectation level/general shitness and been here for 1 season/year.

 

Langfield

 

McNamaraIfil Diamond Payne

 

Winter Duff O'Neil Muirhead

 

Fallon Wright

[OddJob]

Depressing reading that list

 

What a shambles our club has been for years

[dave_c]

Horrible, horrible flashbacks. Travelled up from England for that grim Bossu game at Rugby Park - was a cup game too ffs. Did Tommy Wright not have a massive brainstorm and punch the ball in the box to lose a Dundee United game as well? He showed more composure as a goalie than Bossu mind you.

 

For unfit and disinterested, you surely can't do better than Andrius Velicka.

[Redstar]

Depressing reading that list

 

What a shambles our club has been for years

Aye you're not wrong...I think Jimmy Krankie and Ken Dodd would do a better job of running the club

[zerodon47]

Horrible, horrible flashbacks. Travelled up from England for that grim Bossu game at Rugby Park - was a cup game too ffs. Did Tommy Wright not have a massive brainstorm and punch the ball in the box to lose a Dundee United game as well? He showed more composure as a goalie than Bossu mind you.

 

For unfit and disinterested, you surely can't do better than Andrius Velicka.

 

haha holy shitballs i completely forgot aboot him. ur right on the interest part, looked like he'd rather be anywhere else during the few times he was 'fit' enough to be picked.

 

as for the current squad, magennis has to make the first team of Worst XI. and hughes has to be at least in the squad. other squad players to be considered are danny uchechi, leon mike, lubomir blaha, fernando pasquinelli, laurent d'jaffo, alex notman, mark kerr, richie byrne.

[OddJob]

haha holy shitballs i completely forgot aboot him. ur right on the interest part, looked like he'd rather be anywhere else during the few times he was 'fit' enough to be picked.

 

as for the current squad, magennis has to make the first team of Worst XI. and hughes has to be at least in the squad. other squad players to be considered are danny uchechi, leon mike, lubomir blaha, fernando pasquinelli, laurent d'jaffo, alex notman, mark kerr, richie byrne.

Forgot about him. Major embarrassment for the club when he came on against the Huns and their entire support shouted "who are you, who are you" at him. Can't say i've heard that chant aimed at any of our players prior to their first touch. Horrific signing

[ericblack4boss]

i nominate Nicky butter shortbread fingers walker in goal surely to fuck.

 

and good to see "the great white hope " in there too

[granite sheep]

Fit about:

Barren Mackie

Zander Diamond

David Winnie

 

Oh, and the invisible man, Gary Macdonald

[Bluto10]

i id put gay hans in there.

 

this club is still bearing the stigma of playing a poof, 20 odd years later

[Byrne Baby Byrne]

Did Tommy Wright not have a massive brainstorm and punch the ball in the box to lose a Dundee United game as well?

 

Hahahaha I forgot about that!! Think it finished 0-1 as well. What a brilliant signing he was

[zerodon47]

i id put gay hans in there.

 

this club is still bearing the stigma of playing a poof, 20 odd years later

 

no way, horrible shout. he might have been a kiddie fiddlin homo, but he was atop class player. the likes of which we will never ever see again wearin a Dons shirt!

[Bluto10]

no way, horrible shout. he might have been a kiddie fiddlin homo, but he was atop class player. the likes of which we will never ever see again wearin a Dons shirt!

 

oh no he is in there, not for his ability and european cup, but for his sexuality and sexuality alone

[zerodon47]

oh no he is in there, not for his ability and european cup, but for his sexuality and sexuality alone

 

sexuality and peedolism. haha if we made a Worst XI as humans then he would make it. but for footballing ability he'd be pushin for best XI

[Sheeptastic]

Wouldn't say Fallon's that bad that he merits a place in this catastrophic 11?

 

He's scored a few screamers during his time and usually puts in a shift of some description. Granted injuries have not helped his time and I imagine he'll be on his way out but he certainly has a bit of ability about him.

[barassie_afc]

some dafty mention Pasquinelli, I thought he may have done a job, wasnt here long enough to tell

[barassie_afc]

Wouldn't say Fallon's that bad that he merits a place in this catastrophic 11?

 

He's scored a few screamers during his time and usually puts in a shift of some description. Granted injuries have not helped his time and I imagine he'll be on his way out but he certainly has a bit of ability about him.

 

 

Indeed here are the descriptions

 

SHITE

TURGID

DEPRESSING

CHEEK CHEWINGLY BAD

[zerodon47]

some dafty mention Pasquinelli, I thought he may have done a job, wasnt here long enough to tell

 

i did aye, tought he was utter pish the games i seen him play. mine a cold 0-1 loss to dundee fan he played up top, got plenty service and dina think he controlled the ba once. things like that were a regular occurence. nae sure if he even scored for us haha he was mince.

[barassie_afc]

i did aye, tought he was utter pish the games i seen him play. mine a cold 0-1 loss to dundee fan he played up top, got plenty service and dina think he controlled the ba once. things like that were a regular occurence. nae sure if he even scored for us haha he was mince.

 

3 goals in 10 games makes him prolific v some of the others that have been mentioned

[Mikeyboy1903]

some dafty mention Pasquinelli, I thought he may have done a job, wasnt here long enough to tell

 

Same .... Thought he actually was ok ..

 

People were too quick to judge a guy who was here that long and actually in my mind was on par with Dadi.