You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

[Clydeside_Sheep]

(With apologies to Family Guy, for the title)

 

People in work (or pubs etc) who leave the toilet looking as though the cubicle has been used to host a "dirty protest" or something.

 

You know, the entire toilet bowl literally caked in sh*te and - worse - they always manage to achieve a "baked on" effect, such that their stools seem impervious to any toilet brush.

 

My sensitive disposition was upset by a scene like this recently. My disgust turned to curiosity as I wondered how the dirty beast who preceeded me had even managed to get sh*te into some sections of the toilet. His backside must have an effect like a water sprinkler, whoever it was.

 

I just dont know how people manage it, much less how they can brazenly walk off and leave a scene like that waiting to be discovered.

 

When defecating, I always position myself to ensure my stools slip gracefully into the water, like an otter off a riverbank. None of this "getting it everywhere" for me, thank you.

 

And I try to go at an appropriate pace too, for the minimum of noise / splashing. Nothing worse than trying to enjoy a peaceful dump and someone next door sounds like they are bombarding the toilet with air-dropped depth charges.

 

What it is with these people?

 

How has lavatory ettiquette fallen so far and what can we do to restore it? A polite notice on the WC door?

 

[Redstar]

Sorry chief...this is obviously exclusive to Weegieland..."the entire toilet bowl literally caked in sh*te"... is something I've not witnessed in establishments outwith the Weege

[Chewie37]

It's rank, there's a bar/club in Edinbugh called Ghillie Dhu and someone had shit on the floor and all over the toilet. Wasn't even skits. I run a restaurant and folk the it's ok to just make a mess in the toilet and then leave, with wimmen on Hen parties the absolute vilest

[Robbie Winters]

I blame the Tories.

Thatcher came in and toilet attendants were done away with, Wee Jock Poo Pong McPlop , who was a fine custodian of the Victorian lavvies in Aberdeen City Centre hung up his brush back in the early 80's if I remember. His job was to make sure ample amounts of toilet paper and carbolic soap was available plush give the pan a good clean. People became lazy and did not clean their own mess.

[dave_min]

I never read any of it.

 

C_S is a poor mans @@Millertime

Me neither.

 

I do however think the opposite of whatever it said.

[RAZOR]

Towns without Dominos and Tim Henman.

 

Both can fuck themselves right in the pussy.

[King Street Loon]

Sorry chief...this is obviously exclusive to Weegieland..."the entire toilet bowl literally caked in sh*te"... is something I've not witnessed in establishments outwith the Weege

Unfortunately I have to disagree with you for a change.

There a few people like C_S has just described at my place of work.

These cunts even go into the middle trap of 3 when 2 are unoccupied and one of the outside ones are in use.

[fine-n-dandy]

Unfortunately I have to disagree with you for a change.

There a few people like C_S has just described at my place of work.

These cunts even go into the middle trap of 3 when 2 are unoccupied and one of the outside ones are in use.

 

 

But are there glory holes in your works toilets? this could explain that particular activity

[rumpus]

Like an otter off a riverbank

 

Good wording Sir!

[The Boofon]

(With apologies to Family Guy, for the title)

 

People in work (or pubs etc) who leave the toilet looking as though the cubicle has been used to host a "dirty protest" or something.

 

You know, the entire toilet bowl literally caked in sh*te and - worse - they always manage to achieve a "baked on" effect, such that their stools seem impervious to any toilet brush.

 

My sensitive disposition was upset by a scene like this recently. My disgust turned to curiosity as I wondered how the dirty beast who preceeded me had even managed to get sh*te into some sections of the toilet. His backside must have an effect like a water sprinkler, whoever it was.

 

I just dont know how people manage it, much less how they can brazenly walk off and leave a scene like that waiting to be discovered.

 

When defecating, I always position myself to ensure my stools slip gracefully into the water, like an otter off a riverbank. None of this "getting it everywhere" for me, thank you.

 

And I try to go at an appropriate pace too, for the minimum of noise / splashing. Nothing worse than trying to enjoy a peaceful dump and someone next door sounds like they are bombarding the toilet with air-dropped depth charges.

 

What it is with these people?

 

How has lavatory ettiquette fallen so far and what can we do to restore it? A polite notice on the WC door?

 

 

 

You'd not enjoy working in the Middle East.

[The Boofon]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3148808/How-use-toilet-signs-erected-Swiss-railway-Asian-tourists-don-t-use-properly.html

[tup]

Cunts having parties ending in fights outside my house.

[Ke1t]

C_S tries to make his posts a little more interesting, adding pageantry and flourish to his text, and all he gets is abuse and derision.

 

I for one salute his attempts, and refuse to join the chorus of catcalls, or jump on the Bandwagon-O-Negativity.

 

You carry on the great work, fella, even though you're clearly mentaler than the Particularly Mental wing of the National Asylum for the Affa Mental.

[The Boofon]

C_S tries to make his posts a little more interesting, adding pageantry and flourish to his text, and all he gets is abuse and derision.

 

I for one salute his attempts, and refuse to join the chorus of catcalls, or jump on the Bandwagon-O-Negativity.

 

You carry on the great work, fella, even though you're clearly mentaler than the Particularly Mental wing of the National Asylum for the Affa Mental.

 

 

Madder than Mad Jack McMad, winner of last year's madman competition.

 

Blackadder classic.

[ChutneyLove]

I was in a public toilet yesterday taking a shit. The door closed and locked, but there was a fair gap between the door and the frame. By my estimates you could have fit a golf ball through the gap. I'm nae the bashful type, but it was a busy chunty. Must have had eye contact with about 30 folk while I was having a shite / wiping my arse.

[King Street Loon]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3148808/How-use-toilet-signs-erected-Swiss-railway-Asian-tourists-don-t-use-properly.html

There's a Greek quine at my work that allegedly squats over the pan.

The other ladies were complaining about a mess everywhere.

Seemingly her aim wasn't very good.

[ollie1903]

There's a Greek quine at my work that allegedly squats over the pan.

The other ladies were complaining about a mess everywhere.

Seemingly her aim wasn't very good.

Aphrodite Poopalopados?

[daytripping]

Toilet etiquette rules being broken does my head in, if you're in trap 3 and the other 2 are empty the next person should use trap 1, how people don't follow this simple rule is beyond me, ISIS should take a stance on it.

[King Street Loon]

Aphrodite Poopalopados?

The very one.

[King Street Loon]

Toilet etiquette rules being broken does my head in, if you're in trap 3 and the other 2 are empty the next person should use trap 1, how people don't follow this simple rule is beyond me, ISIS should take a stance on it.

Agreed.

[StandFree1982]

The age old predicament - there are 4 urinals, with both the end urinals being used, and you need to decide who to have a piss next to. Wait for one of the

m to leave and you look like you're worried about showing your small penis....

[daytripping]

The age old predicament - there are 4 urinals, with both the end urinals being used, and you need to decide who to have a piss next to. Wait for one of the

m to leave and you look like you're worried about showing your small penis....

 

I would go closest one on the right, it's ok to use number 2 if 1 and 4 are in use, ovs use your right hand to semi hide your weapon in case the guy tries to have a sly glance.

[zander]

One thing I can't do is wait for a shit in a public lavvie. See it all the time in airports.

 

Flush, the shitter comes out and there is the next shitter waiting right there to get right In amongst it. An awkward eye contact and straight into the fresh warm stench of another mans shit.

 

No thank you, I will keep on the move until such a situation is totally avoided.

Not a big fan of shiting in public lavvies unless needs absolute must.

[jassb]

I was once in a similar situation Pipes. But I had to go in to a club. No way was I lasting any longer. When I was finished, I realised there was no paper - didn't have time to check when I went in. What else could I do but whip off my shoes, jeans and boxers and wipe with my boxers. Then the dilemma of what to do with them. Didn't want to put them down the pan and block it, so they were stuffed in behind. Jeans and shoes back on and out of there. Thank fuck there was no one waiting to get in when I came out. Washed my hands and left. Felt sorry for the cleaners the next day.

[RAZOR]

Not a big fan of shiting in public lavvies unless needs absolute must.

Same. Don't think I've ever pooped at work. Very, very rare that I've ever had a poop apart from a hotel or my house.

[ericblack4boss]

I usually do what bears do, always make sure I carry wipes, I know all the good shitting woods in the north east, used to work for the forestry commission so that helps to know the woods nearby,

 

Also always make sure you shit behind the tree, not in front,

[Ke1t]

Once took a shit at an unfamiliar on-site, unaware that they'd strategically placed a wall closet much to close to the chunty. Stood up when I was done, only to crack my foreheid right into the corner of the closet.

 

Burst my heid open, which started bleeding all over the shop.

 

Did my best to clean myself up, but ultimately came back to the desk I was working at with blood down my T-shirt, and matted into my hair and beard. Lassie wanted to know if Id been attacked by a wild animal in the bogs.

 

In retrospect I should have told her, "Aye, a python." But that would have been ridiculous. Pythons are constrictors, not biters.

 

Can be a dangerous thing taking a shite in unfamiliar surroundings.

[Ke1t]

I usually do what bears do, always make sure I carry wipes, I know all the good shitting woods in the north east, used to work for the forestry commission so that helps to know the woods nearby,

Also always make sure you shit behind the tree, not in front,

+1 for carrying wipes.

[chief_wiggum]

I hate shitting in public toilets but I have Crohns Disease and it was playing up something awful on a visit to Busch Gardens a few years back.

I shit in 6 different toilets in that place, the stalls had about a foot of space at the bottom so you had other shitters feet almost in your stall, you could clearly hear the noise of fat Yanks farting and splashing etc close to you and they could clearly hear my skittery arse firing salvo's of spluttery farts and shit that stunk like fuck. Every time I dropped a load off my guts would start cramping up again, it was hell....and the hour long bus journey afterwards wasn't the best either.

[granite sheep]

I once dragged the missus home from a gathering in town cause the shitting facility at The Carlton Bar was utterly dreadful.

 

It was nearing closing time so my options were pay to get into a nightclub for a shit, bite the bullet and shit in an unlockable shambles of a latrine or jump a taxi and call time on the night. Decided to head home. Would a taxi stop? Would it fuck and I ended up Charlie Chaplaining almost all the way to Kittybrewster before one stopped.

 

I've got a fucking King Eddie close to getting lit hanging out my asshole and I've got her harping in my lug about nae getting chicken pakoras and she's got sore feet. If I wasn't in such distress I think she would have been in for a hell of a beating.

Carlton Bar's bogs are a fucking disaster, only two bars I've seen with worse bogs, the Sandon beside Anfield in Liverpool, and the Grill.

Was in aquatics center today, dying for a pre swim poop, seen a negroid man exit the Gents beside the cafe, went into the only cubicle, jobbies all over the seat. Fuckn mink.

 

At least the bogs in the changing rooms were ok apart from the reek of a thousand pishes