You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

[granite sheep]

I once dragged the missus home from a gathering in town cause the shitting facility at The Carlton Bar was utterly dreadful.

 

It was nearing closing time so my options were pay to get into a nightclub for a shit, bite the bullet and shit in an unlockable shambles of a latrine or jump a taxi and call time on the night. Decided to head home. Would a taxi stop? Would it fuck and I ended up Charlie Chaplaining almost all the way to Kittybrewster before one stopped.

 

I've got a fucking King Eddie close to getting lit hanging out my asshole and I've got her harping in my lug about nae getting chicken pakoras and she's got sore feet. If I wasn't in such distress I think she would have been in for a hell of a beating.

Carlton Bar's bogs are a fucking disaster, only two bars I've seen with worse bogs, the Sandon beside Anfield in Liverpool, and the Grill.

Was in aquatics center today, dying for a pre swim poop, seen a negroid man exit the Gents beside the cafe, went into the only cubicle, jobbies all over the seat. Fuckn mink.

 

At least the bogs in the changing rooms were ok apart from the reek of a thousand pishes

[Henry]

I usually do what bears do, always make sure I carry wipes,

Didn't know bears were so domesticated

[Henry]

Always thought a 'places I've shat' blog would be a winner.

 

Cleanliness ratings, standard of bog roll etc.

[BrianFaePerth]

the worst is at work. Coming in to the bogs as someone you work with leaves, going in to the trap and smelling a foul stench and knowing who it came from is just wrong.

[ChutneyLove]

Folk that are fussy where they shit are weird. At the peak of alcoholism I was shiting 5 or 6 times a day. If I was to stipulate I would only go at home, I'd never leave the hoose. Worst toilets I've ever been to? A black domestic bin in a cupboard in a bar in Malabo, EG. No door either. If you've got to go, you've got to go.

[The Boofon]

No mention of South Stand bog roll. ^

 

Fantasist.

[ChutneyLove]

No mention of South Stand bog roll. ^

 

Fantasist.

 

The toilets in the Soother are more than acceptable for a shite. Noisy, so you don't have to worry other users with the acoustics - and fairly clean for a fitba ground. The bog roll however is a disgrace. Luckily, Slinky is normally there when I'm at the fitba, so I tend to use his bumwipes. Or if I've had a pie, the napkins are better than the bog-roll, so I stash some to help keep my ring-piece in tip-top condition.

[ebbe]

I once dragged the missus home from a gathering in town cause the shitting facility at The Carlton Bar was utterly dreadful.

 

It was nearing closing time so my options were pay to get into a nightclub for a shit, bite the bullet and shit in an unlockable shambles of a latrine or jump a taxi and call time on the night. Decided to head home. Would a taxi stop? Would it fuck and I ended up Charlie Chaplaining almost all the way to Kittybrewster before one stopped.

 

I've got a fucking King Eddie close to getting lit hanging out my asshole and I've got her harping in my lug about nae getting chicken pakoras and she's got sore feet. If I wasn't in such distress I think she would have been in for a hell of a beating.

 

I've been in that horrible place at least 3 times. +1 brother.

[alscotoz]

I once dragged the missus home from a gathering in town cause the shitting facility at The Carlton Bar was utterly dreadful.

 

It was nearing closing time so my options were pay to get into a nightclub for a shit, bite the bullet and shit in an unlockable shambles of a latrine or jump a taxi and call time on the night. Decided to head home. Would a taxi stop? Would it fuck and I ended up Charlie Chaplaining almost all the way to Kittybrewster before one stopped.

 

I've got a fucking King Eddie close to getting lit hanging out my asshole and I've got her harping in my lug about nae getting chicken pakoras and she's got sore feet. If I wasn't in such distress I think she would have been in for a hell of a beating.

 

Your command of the English language is superb! You can fairly paint a picture.

[Chewie37]

I had a dump in the bushes outside Halfords in Edinburgh once when I was properly gubbed. Sobered up a bit and realised what I was doing before heading home and collapsing in a heap on living room floor for 12 hours boozy sleep

[ericblack4boss]

In my line of work, shitting outdoors is an occupational hazard, the best place is in a stream if possible as it washes away,

 

Always try to avoid nettle patches, there are a few lay bys that I've used on occasions where I can get out of sight

 

The best scenario is being able to pass, public loos or shopping centres and use their facilities, the asda in huntly has good toilets,

[Sonoftherock]

In my line of work, shitting outdoors is an occupational hazard, the best place is in a stream if possible as it washes away,

 

Always try to avoid nettle patches, there are a few lay bys that I've used on occasions where I can get out of site,

 

The best scenario is being able to pass, public loos or shopping centres and use their facilities, the asda in huntly has good toilets,

 

What are the toilets like in the Ranch?

[ericblack4boss]

They are at level one would expect of an establishment as the ranch, no where near as luxurious as the saltoun with a.padded headrest,

The backbull in inverurie has excellent toilets

[ericblack4boss]

Others something liberating about shitting outside.

[tup]

I wonder if anyone has ever actually shat on a fan to see what happens when the shit hits it?

 

Not much would be my guess, most of it would just drop underneath unless you had diarrhoea.

[ollie1903]

I wonder if anyone has ever actually shat on a fan to see what happens when the shit hits it?

 

Not much would be my guess, most of it would just drop underneath unless you had diarrhoea.

 

Just had a vision, now I'm nae looking forward to lunch.

[tup]

Not if he was clever and stood behind or above the fan.

[CrazyBullSheep]

Horsepower would be key in the fan obliterating the poop so industrial strength fan is highly recommended

[The Boofon]

The Dyson bladeless fan would cause all manner of problems for this event.

[jassb]

It's been tried

 

[dazzy_deff]

Same. Don't think I've ever pooped at work. Very, very rare that I've ever had a poop apart from a hotel or my house.

Weird min. I take a 20 minute shit break every day at work. Breaks up my morning.

[RAZOR]

Weird min. I take a 20 minute shit break every day at work. Breaks up my morning.

Far too many afc chat posts to catch up on throughout the working day.

[elephantstone78]

The missus and I were out for dinner one night and I cleverly suggested a short cut up a side street. As we walked up it we passed a large perfectly formed jobby lying next to a can of tennents special. She went mental at me for ruining dinner as if I had laid the offending object myself. My appetite was unaffected.

Another time we thought we would try a new restaurant only to be confronted by a large (presumably) dog shit on their front step. We ate somewhere else.

We don't eat out as much nowadays.

[Dusk( 2 Stars )Don]

I hate shitting in public toilets but I have Crohn's Disease and it was playing up something awful on a visit to Busch Gardens a few years back.

I shit in 6 different toilets in that place, the stalls had about a foot of space at the bottom so you had other shitters feet almost in your stall, you could clearly hear the noise of fat Yanks farting and splashing etc close to you and they could clearly hear my skittery arse firing salvo's of spluttery farts and shit that stunk like fuck. Every time I dropped a load off my guts would start cramping up again, it was hell....and the hour long bus journey afterwards wasn't the best either.

Same here crohn's will make you shit when needed ,butt you can prepare my friend for the journey.

[ChutneyLove]

I'm not a hugely scientific man but the very physics of fan movement say to me that standing above would be right in the shitty danger zone.

 

Chutney can correct me if I'm wrong.

 

Would depend what type of fan was getting shit on. If the blades were aileron shaped for optimal air movement, then there could indeed be an extreme shitfest in all possible directions.

 

It's the fan I feel sorry for. No one ever thinks about the fans.

[Nelly]

Weird min. I take a 20 minute shit break every day at work. Breaks up my morning.

 

and you're getting paid whilst taking said shit

[Clydeside_Sheep]

wimmen on Hen parties the absolute vilest

 

They are always the vilest, on any matter, not just when it comes to the lavatory.

[Clydeside_Sheep]

Me neither.

 

I do however think the opposite of whatever it said.

 

It said dave_min is really nice and shouldnt jump off the nearest cliff

[Clydeside_Sheep]

Like an otter off a riverbank

 

Good wording Sir!

 

Thank you, its nice to be appreciated.

[Clydeside_Sheep]

C_S tries to make his posts a little more interesting, adding pageantry and flourish to his text, and all he gets is abuse and derision.

 

I for one salute his attempts, and refuse to join the chorus of catcalls, or jump on the Bandwagon-O-Negativity.

 

You carry on the great work, fella, even though you're clearly mentaler than the Particularly Mental wing of the National Asylum for the Affa Mental.

 

Thank you and have a +1 for that, on behalf of the National Asylum for the Affa Mental.