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Telly Programmes That Haven't Been Made Yet


amancalledbuck

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  • 8 months later...

Homes for Homies

 

The Big Dawg Tim Westwood finds cribs for da mandem.

 

This week he helps DeShawn and his ho LaTeeciia. DeShawn is fresh from lockup and wants to find a place where he can re-establish his business, ideally with lots of storage space undetectable to the Feds. LaTeeciia wants somewhere close to the beauty salon and with wide doors for her fat ass to get through. It also needs the wow factor to show up that bitch LeDonna.

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"I'm better than you"

 

Similar format to come dine with me, but the host and guests all work in the oil industry.

The goal for each contestant is to host a party and create as many opportunities as possible to mention their day rate.

 

The winner is based on a weighted average of how high the day rate is and how many times it is mentioned and how many people hear. If anyone else manages to "one up" you at your own event, there are negative points.

 

A "knock out" is awarded if the host mentions his day rate and some prick manages to say "I wouldn't get out of bed for that" and offers to put everything on their Amex Black card because they want the air miles, it's tax deductible, and they'll be able to expense it anyway.

 

The prize for the winner is a big flashy watch that resembles a multi coloured jewel encrusted dinner plate.

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"I'm better than you"

 

Similar format to come dine with me, but the host and guests all work in the oil industry.

The goal for each contestant is to host a party and create as many opportunities as possible to mention their day rate.

 

The winner is based on a weighted average of how high the day rate is and how many times it is mentioned and how many people hear. If anyone else manages to "one up" you at your own event, there are negative points.

 

A "knock out" is awarded if the host mentions his day rate and some prick manages to say "I wouldn't get out of bed for that" and offers to put everything on their Amex Black card because they want the air miles, it's tax deductible, and they'll be able to expense it anyway.

 

The prize for the winner is a big flashy watch that resembles a multi coloured jewel encrusted dinner plate.

 

 

Superb.

 

I'd pay my day rate to watch that. If I had one.

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Gilette Soccer Splatterday - some ex-footballers shoot their load all over the place as another pundit joins the team, or player retires, or player goes off to make a quick buck in an "emerging" league.

 

Made in Chelsea - Fly on the wall documentary as club doctors administer paternity tests for any players wanting to make sure that the kid is their's and not John Terry's.

 

Stacy Dooley Investigates Why Anyone Watches Her "Investigate" - what it says on the tin really.

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