Self-Sufficiency: Are You Ready To Survive?

[tightbreeks]

i'll watch

 

hunger games

the road

and

the book of eli

 

that will be training.

 

I wonder what human flesh tastes like, if you ask a papua new guinea cannibal, I think he'll say the thumb. must be like a chicken leg tastes like.

[The Boofon]

What a goal by Rae.

[Ke1t]

What a goal by Rae.

 

[The Boofon]

Magical. Since it's not real can we not just say we beat the cunts 1-0?

[Ke1t]

Magical. Since it's not real can we not just say we beat the cunts 1-0?

 

No.

 

Bottom of the league, and the only way is up.

 

I'm confident of a fighting draw against Ross County.

[dervish]

i'll watch

 

hunger games

the road

and

the book of eli

 

that will be training.

 

I wonder what human flesh tastes like, if you ask a papua new guinea cannibal, I think he'll say the thumb. must be like a chicken leg tastes like.

 

That's the one, I reckon it'll be like that. We need a house and a shit hole basement to farm sub-humans in. Bit like modern day glasgow but with darwins theory going quicker.

[daytripping]

i'll watch

 

hunger games

the road

and

the book of eli

 

that will be training.

 

I wonder what human flesh tastes like, if you ask a papua new guinea cannibal, I think he'll say the thumb. must be like a chicken leg tastes like.

 

human tastes like pork according those who've eaten it.

 

i imagine filet of female thigh would be the best cut, maybe with a nice Shiraz.

 

Served on a bed of mash with a blackberry jus.

[tightbreeks]

a stash of humans.

 

one of the creepiest bits in a film, that and I am legend with the mutants hunched in the dark. very silent hill.

[tightbreeks]

pork makes sense. we're closest in make up to a pig.

[daytripping]

Of course if you come to my Lidl we'll never have to stoop that low, unless we're down to Herring rollmops and sherry.

[daytripping]

a stash of humans.

 

one of the creepiest bits in a film, that and I am legend with the mutants hunched in the dark. very silent hill.

 

Human centipede gets that honour for me, a fucked up movie!

 

Really.

 

Imagine being last in the line.

[Bluto10]

A winner like me will always survive

[tightbreeks]

he got the rotten mouth!

 

good horror can be left to your own imagination as well, evil dead II got this right when they were running away from something in the cabin.

 

centipede and the new girl with the dragon tattoo baddie both have similar kevin mcloud wankathon houses.

[looksgoodinred]

 

The Emergency Bra is an excellent multi-purpose product for women, your everyday brassiere can now save your life by turning into two life-saving gas masks. The bra was designed by Dr. Elena Bodnar who started her professional career as a medical doctor in the Ukraine, where she participated in the evacuation and treatment of children from Chernobyl. This experience inspired her to design the Emergency Bra, the invention which was awarded the Ig Nobel Prize in Public Health in 2009. In the event of an emergency, the bra can be quickly converted into two face masks without the removal of any clothes. The new Rad Emergency Bra also comes equipped with a radiation sensor located under the front clasps of the brassiere. With new sensor technology rapidly developing, different sensors, such as biological, chemical, and so forth, will be incorporated into the Emergency Bra in the future. The bra is available in sizes from 32B to 40C and can be purchased at ebbra.bigcartel.com for 29.99 for the original or 49.99 for the Rad model.

 

 

ttp://prepforshtf.com/emergency-bra-gas-mask/#.UenV1tJJPLc

 

[looksgoodinred]

Gaza, Syria, Iraq, the nether regions of Detroit.

how to survive in a war zone without military training. in case you have need.

 

Stay close to someone who knows what he or she is doing.

hi Kelt!

 

 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/quora/2014/07/30/how_do_you_survive_in_a_war_zone_with_no_military_training.html?wpisrc=obnetwork

 

I'm not sure how much basic training you'll receive, so I will give you some tips. I am only looking at this from the perspective of someone new who is going to combat with little or no training.

Learn how to shoot. If they don't teach you, get a combat veteran to teach you.Always use your sights—never use full auto. Only shoot from a supported position, either on the ground or against a wall. Standing unsupported shots are very difficult. If they don't issue you much ammo, shoot at only what you can see. Let someone else do the suppressive fire.

Clean your weapon. As much as possible. Don't let crap build up on it.

Stay close to someone who knows what he or she is doing.

Learn as much as you can, especially about first aid and the radio, as well as explosives and how to make them.

Don't bunch up. If guys are bunched up in a ditch or behind a wall, stay 5 to 10 meters away from them. If guys are running in a group, and you're in that group,stop. Let them run and get 5 to 10 meters away and then follow them.

Hit the ground. Do not duck and run. Hit the ground if an explosion goes off near you or someone starts shooting. Hit the ground. The ground is your friend. Get below ground if you can. Ditches, holes, and depressions will protect you far better than even a brick wall. When something happens, one's first instinct is to run, but that will get you killed. Hit the ground.

If you get stuck in a ditch or a room or behind a wall, as rounds are popping all around you, you better figure out a way out of there. You are being suppressed, and they are moving up on you. Crawling on your belly is better than running in these situations.

When you do move, jump up and say to yourself as you are running, "I'm up, he sees me, I'm down." Then hit the ground.

Do not bother shooting at aircraft or helicopters, and get away from anyone who is. He's just calling attention to himself, and he won't be able to hit it anyway.

Make sure you and the guys around you all have tourniquets and know how to use them. Proper application of tourniquets has saved more lives on the modern battlefield than just about anything.

If you can volunteer for a special operations–type unit or even an elite unit like an airborne unit, I would do that, rather than be drafted into the lowest type of reserve unit. The volunteer-type units will get the training and equipment necessary to wage war, as well as survive.

Drink water. Dehydration can kill you as much as a bullet.

Eat when possible. Don't feel like eating because you're too nervous? Eat anyway. Force it down with water if you have to.

Hesitation kills. It's better to do the wrong thing than nothing.

Keep the faith. Maintaining a positive attitude will absolutely help keep you alive.

[Ke1t]

Yesterday we received the entire month of August's average rainfall in 7 hours. The creek at the bottom of our property not only burst its banks, but flooded up the gradient and onto the road at the front of our house.

 

People were freaking out and getting the fuck out of dodge, only to be trapped in the rising floodwaters along the main roads and freeways.

 

Shit was getting real by 10 pm. Flash flood warnings were all over the news, the city alarms were having their own personal rock concert, people were having to abandon their cars and try to escape the flooding on foot. The emergency services were going mental.

 

Frankly it was fucking hilarious.

 

I toddled into the garage, unboxed the emergency generator, pulled out my emergency lighting, stuck the full and ready to go petrol cans on a high shelf, gave the wife and loon their own flashlights, got the water pump ready to start bailing if the water started to look like getting up to our patio, dug out the emergency box with vacuum-sealed food, candles, and first aid, water purification tablets in case the city water becomes undrinkable... then settled back to watch me some It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia... meanwhile people are out there drowning and screaming and raping each other like it's the end of the fucking world.

 

There are no words in the English language that can even come close to describing just how fucking smug and self-satisfied a cunt I am right now. I've patted my own back raw over the last 18 hours or so.

 

I did get a phonecall from the neighbours two houses down... "We're in LA... can you please rescue our cats from our basement before they drown in the floods?"

 

I did consider telling her I couldn't as it was storming outside... but in the end, being the fantastic cunt that I am... I waded through the waist high floodwater in the pitch dark, armed with only a flashlight and a hammer, and I rescued the shit out her fucking cats. What made this act even more brave and heroic than simply wading through the dangerously rising, fast flowing, freezing, debris-strewn floodwater.. in pitch darkness remember.... is the fact that I'm allergic to cats. I was putting my own well being at risk on too many levels to even count... but I did it with the sort of self-righteous arseyness that only the prepper such as myself can muster. I KNEW I could be swept away in the floodwater, or hit by a piece of fast-moving flotsam, and I could have had a reaction to those cats and would have spent the whole next day sneezing and saying, "Dank Goo" instead of "Thank You".

 

The inside of their house shows what happens to the unprepared though.

 

the basement was basically full of water... I mean floor to ceiling... and was up over their what I assume used to be beautiful hardwood floors... well that's all fucked now... and after much searching I located those two poor, frightened, wailing kitty cats.

 

"Intae the fuckin' boax, ya wee cunts!" I gently screamed at them, as they backed up and tried to escape fucking rescue. Then I had to smash my way out of the garage, because the floodwater had fucked the electrics.

 

Anyway, the wife always used to shake her head and smile patronisingly at me when I brought home the emergency shit that I was hauling out last night... but last night I was a fucking Titan of preparedness and heroism. No longer will I put up with her "You're wasting your time with that stuff" horseshit... from now on I'll just point to my Great Heroic Deeds of 2014* any time she tries to rip the piss because I'm buying up supplies of WW2 gas masks in case some mad Muslim cunt gets his hands on Anthrax.

 

* The Great Heroic Deeds of 2014 is what I've officially named my actions of last night. As everyone else fell to pieces I was so prepared I even had time to save lives.

[E-P-K]

Yesterday we received the entire month of August's average rainfall in 7 hours. The creek at the bottom of our property not only burst its banks, but flooded up the gradient and onto the road at the front of our house.

 

People were freaking out and getting the fuck out of dodge, only to be trapped in the rising floodwaters along the main roads and freeways.

 

Shit was getting real by 10 pm. Flash flood warnings were all over the news, the city alarms were having their own personal rock concert, people were having to abandon their cars and try to escape the flooding on foot. The emergency services were going mental.

 

Frankly it was fucking hilarious.

 

I toddled into the garage, unboxed the emergency generator, pulled out my emergency lighting, stuck the full and ready to go petrol cans on a high shelf, gave the wife and loon their own flashlights, got the water pump ready to start bailing if the water started to look like getting up to our patio, dug out the emergency box with vacuum-sealed food, candles, and first aid, water purification tablets in case the city water becomes undrinkable... then settled back to watch me some It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia... meanwhile people are out there drowning and screaming and raping each other like it's the end of the fucking world.

 

There are no words in the English language that can even come close to describing just how fucking smug and self-satisfied a cunt I am right now. I've patted my own back raw over the last 18 hours or so.

 

I did get a phonecall from the neighbours two houses down... "We're in LA... can you please rescue our cats from our basement before they drown in the floods?"

 

I did consider telling her I couldn't as it was storming outside... but in the end, being the fantastic cunt that I am... I waded through the waist high floodwater in the pitch dark, armed with only a flashlight and a hammer, and I rescued the shit out her fucking cats. What made this act even more brave and heroic than simply wading through the dangerously rising, fast flowing, freezing, debris-strewn floodwater.. in pitch darkness remember.... is the fact that I'm allergic to cats. I was putting my own well being at risk on too many levels to even count... but I did it with the sort of self-righteous arseyness that only the prepper such as myself can muster. I KNEW I could be swept away in the floodwater, or hit by a piece of fast-moving flotsam, and I could have had a reaction to those cats and would have spent the whole next day sneezing and saying, "Dank Goo" instead of "Thank You".

 

The inside of their house shows what happens to the unprepared though.

 

the basement was basically full of water... I mean floor to ceiling... and was up over their what I assume used to be beautiful hardwood floors... well that's all fucked now... and after much searching I located those two poor, frightened, wailing kitty cats.

 

"Intae the fuckin' boax, ya wee cunts!" I gently screamed at them, as they backed up and tried to escape fucking rescue. Then I had to smash my way out of the garage, because the floodwater had fucked the electrics.

 

Anyway, the wife always used to shake her head and smile patronisingly at me when I brought home the emergency shit that I was hauling out last night... but last night I was a fucking Titan of preparedness and heroism. No longer will I put up with her "You're wasting your time with that stuff" horseshit... from now on I'll just point to my Great Heroic Deeds of 2014* any time she tries to rip the piss because I'm buying up supplies of WW2 gas masks in case some mad Muslim cunt gets his hands on Anthrax.

 

* The Great Heroic Deeds of 2014 is what I've officially named my actions of last night. As everyone else fell to pieces I was so prepared I even had time to save lives.

 

 

Aye,

 

 

But did you have a sink hole appear like in Nairn yesterday

 

[looksgoodinred]

excellent job, Survivor-man Kelt!

 

rather than buying old WW2 gas masks, maybe just purchase your wife one of those attractive emergency bras?
She could save both of you with her boobs

[looksgoodinred]

 

 

Aye,

 

 

But did you have a sink hole appear like in Nairn yesterday

 

 

why are all the hogs crowded around the edge? did any fall in when the sinkhole appeared? or they got curious after the fact and came over for a gander?

[lukas989]

 

why are all the hogs crowded around the edge? did any fall in when the sinkhole appeared? or they got curious after the fact and came over for a gander?

 

It MUST be for a very good reason. Pigs are clever as fuck.

[tainboy]

It was in the news LGIR. A large hole appeared in Nairn. The police are looking into it.

 

 

 

As per the photo.

[Ke1t]

 

 

Aye,

 

 

But did you have a sink hole appear like in Nairn yesterday

 

 

 

That's a cracking hole, right enough. I reckon 15 minutes of rearranging the chuckies I use for landscaping and I could have had that filled in by this morning. Tarred and flattened by the middle of the afternoon.

 

 

excellent job, Survivor-man Kelt!

 

rather than buying old WW2 gas masks, maybe just purchase your wife one of those attractive emergency bras?

She could save both of you with her boobs

 

Problem there is there's three of us and the wife only has two boobs.

 

Ex NATO gas masks are usually on sale at the gun shows for a tenner a time. Twenty bucks if you want a working one.

[Pudgie]

It was in the news LGIR. A large hole appeared in Nairn. The police are looking into it.

 

 

 

As per the photo.

I am in fucking bits!

[Ke1t]

Was outside clearing some of the debris off our property... wandered over to the neighbours to get a daylight view of my handiwork.

 

This is how you exit a flooding house when the power's out. No time to look for outside doors or lever open windows... just smash your way oot the garage while bellowing like a wounded moose fucking an angry grizzly bear.

 

I've a feeling they'll probably be a bit unhappy with me...

 

[Pudgie]

Was outside clearing some of the debris off our property... wandered over to the neighbours to get a daylight view of my handiwork.

 

This is how you exit a flooding house when the power's out. No time to look for outside doors or lever open windows... just smash your way oot the garage while bellowing like a wounded moose fucking an angry grizzly bear.

 

I've a feeling they'll probably be a bit unhappy with me...

 

 

Did you save their feline critters?

 

Aye! So tell them to poke their complaints, rip aff yer top and walk away beating your chest bellowing like Tarzan. That'll definitely help the situation.

[Ke1t]

Did you save their feline critters?

 

Aye! So tell them to poke their complaints, rip aff yer top and walk away beating your chest bellowing like Tarzan. That'll definitely help the situation.

 

Their cats were definitely still alive when the neighbour's folks came over this morning... their welfare's now none of my business.

 

I do like the 'Rip your shirt off and howl like Tarzan' angle, though. I'll maybe start a Facebook page to raise awareness of how fucking prepped I was.. maybe start a Youtube channel to teach people how to rescue small animals in rising water situations, armed with a hammer and a torch.

 

They'll probably sue me, though... this is America.

 

I foresee paying for them to get new garage doors in the near future.

[Pudgie]

 

Their cats were definitely still alive when the neighbour's folks came over this morning... their welfare's now none of my business.

 

I do like the 'Rip your shirt off and howl like Tarzan' angle, though. I'll maybe start a Facebook page to raise awareness of how fucking prepped I was.. maybe start a Youtube channel to teach people how to rescue small animals in rising water situations, armed with a hammer and a torch.

 

They'll probably sue me, though... this is America.

 

I foresee paying for them to get new garage doors in the near future.

If the Tarzan shite doesn't work, offer to smash her back doors in as well. Might get out of paying for garage doors and get your hole in one fell swoop.

 

Oh, and they're nae flashlights, a chandelier is a flash light, they're bloody torches!

[ChutneyLove]

Cracking chipper in Nairn - or used to be about 25 years ago.

[dervish]

Hud on Kelt what was wrong with just going upstairs?

[Ke1t]

Hud on Kelt what was wrong with just going upstairs?

 

In my hoose?

 

Our hoose is elevated higher than the neighbours, so while they were ball-deep in floodwater we were just watching the water lap around the steps leading up to our patio... another foot of water and things might have started getting a bit dicey.

 

To get to the neighbours place you have to walk across a bit of a dip in the terrain... which only becomes apparent when the water's reaching your chest half way between the hooses.

 

The giant Bosnian horde from next door piled into their people carriers and headed for the hills... Ten years of genocidal civil war has made their people a bit on the nervous side, so the first sign of soapy and those bastards get the fuck out of dodge. They likely half-expected Serb militia to start booting their doors in. What they were unaware of is that your typical domestic vehicle doesn't handle floods particularly well, so there was a better chance of them all drowning by trying to escape.

 

For my part I had my new Pickaxe and axe looked out and had them upstairs in case shit got really out of control. I'll happily smash my way out through my own roof to escape floodwater.

 

So we'd have retreated upstairs, with the option of pickaxing my way through the roof to freedom if it had come to that.

 

The Bosnians just got the fuck out... and the neighbours with the cats were in LA.