Pet Hates

[For Fecks Sake]

LOL. Wives.

Beats having a boyfriend or husband but each to their own eh Grays B

[Chewie37]

Oochah, how’s the burn Grays?

[Chewie37]

How can he possibly know til he's tried it?

 

I've tried neither or.....

 

If God wanted us to live with 1 woman\man why did he invent other cunts?   huuuuuuuuuuuuh...?

 

Home life with 2 cats and AFC Chat.    Does me likes. 

 

Each to their own.

 

Got to love a positive outlook. Hey if Moobs likes munching hi Brian, more power to him

[BrianFaePerth]

Got to love a positive outlook.

Gays is positive in more ways than one

[Poodler]

Trying to talk a parent through something to do with modern technology on the phone. They just become complete morons and act like you're speaking Swahili

 

Just switch it off and leave it, I'll come do it myself later.

[Studebaker-90]

Live fast die young.  

Live fast, sure, live too bloody fast sometimes, but die young? Die old.

[Poodler]

Credit where it's due, she messaged about 15 mins ago saying she's cracked it.

 

 

Next pet hate

 

Being at the mercy of incompetence.

 

She's been online shopping. The delivery driver couldn't find her address (they deliver weekly to her but this new courier is one of Cheesepipes' colleagues, if you get me). He dropped the package off at the college, instead of using any of the 100 neighbouring flats. An insight into the mind of een o yon.

 

Spoke to some slavering idiots at the college who, as expected, had no record of any delivery. Just kept repeating 'you're not supposed to get stuff delivered here', as if I had instigated the whole affair. Took 15 minutes for them to understand I wasn't a student or staff.

 

So she's reordered the package - it's due today between 4-6pm...it's out for delivery with Nyasha our friendly local courier.

 

Zero faith he will deliver. Never doing a favour for her again.

[Poodler]

Just posted that and he's buzzed - with both parcels.

 

 

Actually ca believe it

 

 

webster bank near me

[manboobs109]

Cunts getting excited about a church in France burning down. Just heard on the news that 'Scots have been sending messages of support' what a load of fucking shit.

[BWG]

DPD/Courier companies in general they have one job and still manage to fuck it up almost every time. You know you're dealing with a competent company when the first thing their customer service number does, is play a message saying "please be nice to our customer service agents its not their fault".

[manboobs109]

^ I hope its not knickers she ordered

[For Fecks Sake]

Exactly.

 

It's not like anyone died and the internet still works for fucks sake.

 

Here's my message to the crying French.

 

As you were cuntos.

Agreed, while obviously nae nice the general outpouring of mock greif if way OTT.

 

Most of the fucking place has been rebuilt at some point in time anyway so it's not as if it was all the original work.

 

They even smelted the original bells down to make cannonballs for Napoleon that's how bloody important they were to them.

 

Cheese eating surrender monkey's indeed.

[Ohjimmyjimmy]

Cunts getting excited about a church in France burning down. Just heard on the news that 'Scots have been sending messages of support' what a load of fucking shit.

Exactly this.

 

Fucking cringing reading that pish from self obsessed weegie arseholes. “We feel their pain” and the “auld alliance”, - give it a rest you fucking ambulance chasers. Probably be a banner at next Celtic home game.

 

Aye very good. What are Glaswegians going to show them? How to burn it down twice? Throbbers.

[Fridge]

Indeed and Hillsborough back in the news. Fuck me it’s time to move on.

[Ke1t]

Thank fuck, thought my wife was the only one who did stuff like that. Seriously can you imagine saying that in the pub or after football training with your mates, you would get the absolute piss taken out of you.

 

"who's up for taking a drive out Longside way as we're playing them next week and I have never driven there before".

 

Then again with the current snowflake generation we have they would probably all agree to do just that while setting up a helpline for the stress involved.

 

Women are shit at driving. 

 

They're also shit at any form of manual labour.

 

They've got their strong points, but it would be sexist to say chicks can bake the shit out of a cake. 

[Fridge]

Fair point!

[Ohjimmyjimmy]

Candle lit vigil for the fucking thing.

[1903Fitba]

Same thing for all the Juve fans they murdered?

[Dom Sullivan]

My wife's driving, honestly how much of a fucking drama can she make a car journey.

That's us arrived in Glasgow for the Semi (me going to match, her shopping) but she announces that she wants to drive down as she is heading back to Glasgow in a few weeks on her own and wants to get the experience (she's just turned 40 and has been driving for years).

Now, despite me having driven us to Glasgow for what must amount to hundreds of times, she actually has zero fucking clue of how to get there. Every roundabout or junction she starts screaming at me 'where do I go, which road do take' with the icing on the cake being us completely missing the Glasgow turnoff at Perth as she 'never seen the sign' - all this with the car sat nav also on.

Add is jerky wheel movements, braking at the last second for roundabouts, speeding up only to slow down and making screaming noises as she overtakes a lorry or bus (of which there was loads full of Tims and Dandies). Was nearly a divorce in the making.

At least when we drive back up the road I will hopefully be merrily pissed reflecting in an Aberdeen win but will probably wakeup in Thurso as opposed to Aberdeen if I leave her to get us home alone.

Very familiar situation.

 

Glasgow would be a pointblank refuse but we have to do trial drives to places just slightly out the road.

 

Kids party at Alford Ski center required a dress rehearsal a week in advance.

 

Banchory etc be aswell be downtown Basra.

 

Overtaking is a long drawn out humming and heying exercise that eventually she backs down from.

 

Basically if im home....im driving cause i cant handle that shit.

 

Ha ha - my wife is exactly the same.

 

She's never driven further than Stonehaven despite having driven since 19-fucking-90.

 

A drive to Inverurie is a major expedition and takes fucking ages.

 

I refuse to be a passenger in the car unless I'm pished.

 

I swear she's getting worse at being a front seat passenger too.

 

You can see the phantom brake going in the footwell because she thinks I'm too close to the car in front and when I go to overtake, she's in the crash position with her feet almost on the dashboard.

 

Numerous times I've threatened to put her in the boot if she doesn't sit fucking still as she makes me nervous.

 

Bless

[Ke1t]

Ha ha - my wife is exactly the same.

 

She's never driven further than Stonehaven despite having driven since 19-fucking-90.

 

A drive to Inverurie is a major expedition and takes fucking ages.

 

I refuse to be a passenger in the car unless I'm pished.

 

I swear she's getting worse at being a front seat passenger too.

 

You can see the phantom brake going in the footwell because she thinks I'm too close to the car in front and when I go to overtake, she's in the crash position with her feet almost on the dashboard.

 

Numerous times I've threatened to put her in the boot if she doesn't sit fucking still as she makes me nervous.

 

Bless

 

Holy fuck that does my napper in.

 

Does she also do the 'grabbing at the overhead handbar' thing inna? You turn a corner faster than 1mph, or don't start braking half a mile from the light, and she's clutching at the fucking handbar like you've just Thelma and Louise'd the car into the Grand Canyon. 

 

Settle the fuck doon, woman.

 

Something my wife does is wait till I'm about to park, then announces something regards where we're going... making me think she's saying that I should park somewhere else/nearer the destination. So I pull out of my parking turn and she immediately says, "Why didn't you park?" 

 

"Because you made it sound like I shouldn't fucking park here you mouthy fucking whore!" 

 

And then it's an argument. 

[chief_wiggum]

Holy fuck that does my napper in.

 

Does she also do the 'grabbing at the overhead handbar' thing inna? You turn a corner faster than 1mph, or don't start braking half a mile from the light, and she's clutching at the fucking handbar like you've just Thelma and Louise'd the car into the Grand Canyon. 

 

Settle the fuck doon, woman.

 

 

Or grabs the door arm rest like were in the Dakar rally, looking at the speedo and asking how fast are you going?

Then there's' the dramatic head banging motion when you brake at 5 miles an hour and she reacts like shes a crash test dummy!

[Ke1t]

My Yodel driver is a local cunt but a billion percent a sexual predator. 

 

Hes far too familiar with us since between my wife and older kids he is here every single day almost. 

 

Last time i was home, house to myself and there he is at my front window peering in waving a parcel thinking he was doing a great job. Id been thinking on and off for an hour or so to bash out a wank but thankfully id put it off for a cup of tea. Is nowhere sacred anymore.

 

Nothing worse than having yourself a Tommy Tank in front of the computer then, when you get up, realise that you hadn't shut the blinds on the window that looks out onto the neighbour's hoose. 

 

Happens more frequently than I, or the neighbours I'd imagine, would like. 

[Dom Sullivan]

Holy fuck that does my napper in.

 

Does she also do the 'grabbing at the overhead handbar' thing inna? You turn a corner faster than 1mph, or don't start braking half a mile from the light, and she's clutching at the fucking handbar like you've just Thelma and Louise'd the car into the Grand Canyon. 

 

Settle the fuck doon, woman.

 

Something my wife does is wait till I'm about to park, then announces something regards where we're going... making me think she's saying that I should park somewhere else/nearer the destination. So I pull out of my parking turn and she immediately says, "Why didn't you park?" 

 

"Because you made it sound like I shouldn't fucking park here you mouthy fucking whore!" 

 

And then it's an argument.

 

She does too!

 

Grabs the door handle or the handbar above the door which does my crust in.

 

Wonder if it is the way we drive or if women are just shite passengers...

[BrianFaePerth]

Mrs Brian reversed in to our house a few years back and was truly perplexed as to how it got there. We'd only lived there 6 years at the time. Apparently it was my fault for sitting in the passenger seat.

[Poodler]

Man that was all he wrote

[Chewie37]

Man that was all he wrote

Nice toe tapper by Shania Twain

[BWG]

My Yodel driver is a local cunt but a billion percent a sexual predator. 

 

Hes far too familiar with us since between my wife and older kids he is here every single day almost. 

 

Last time i was home, house to myself and there he is at my front window peering in waving a parcel thinking he was doing a great job. Id been thinking on and off for an hour or so to bash out a wank but thankfully id put it off for a cup of tea. Is nowhere sacred anymore.

 

This is clearly a lie.  No way a Yodel driver has actually turned up to deliver something.

[Clydeside_Sheep]

People who use the back pockets of their jeans/trousers.

 

(Everyone knows back pockets are just an aesthetic thing and you are not meant to put stuff in them).

 

Then, when these people accept a lift in your car and put big indentations into your leather seats, thanks to all the rubbish they have stuffed into their back pockets.

[alscotoz]

Are you allowed to use them to put your hands in, to keep warm (or look cool)?

 

Wallet space (no cash)

[manboobs109]

I sometimes put my cocaine in my back pocket (I get confused when wasted and sometimes struggle to locate it which all my front/jacket pockets - usually finding it when I get home or the next day)

Jonny pocket for that surely?