Telly Programmes That Haven't Been Made Yet

[Fridge]

The X dials

 

Supernatural program investigating why no matter who much anyone hates their ex birds, if one of them calls they will inexplicably have sex with them.

[Chewie37]

The Bluto Files

Bluto stars as himself, playing an alcoholic private investigator

Bloody useless, he is (much like the useless fat cunt that Nolte hired in Cape Fear and got his throat cut by De Niro in drag with Piano wire)

Edit - Bluto pulls out of the roll after the Pilot Episode and is replaced by Devin Ratray

Hold on, that would be a remake of a remake that had the original actors in it, would you have Nolte and De Niro appearing alongside Blutmeister?

[The Boofon]

The BoD couple.

 

Dazzy and Ollie pump each other while waxing lyrically about Oldie.

[Redforever86]

The God Couple.

 

Clydesides neighbours regale stories of living next door to a fud.

[Arabian Knight]

an ellon werewolf in delft

 

glampin in the wids oan the ootskirts eh delft bluto waks up in the middle eh the nicht wi a thirst. heads oot intae the forest tae find a bevvy n is set upon fae a pack eh 30 wolves n gang raped. cunt waks up in the morn in the scud n gaes back tae ez glampin site n mounts ez missus.. ez taein oan the same savage ridin style as the wolves, ez missus screams tae git him aff n ez thrown aff the site fir bein bevvied n heads back hame alane tae ez basket in the utility rim

[The Boofon]

an ellon werewolf in delft

 

glampin in the wids oan the ootskirts eh delft bluto waks up in the middle eh the nicht wi a thirst. heads oot intae the forest tae find a bevvy n is set upon fae a pack eh 30 wolves n gang raped. cunt waks up in the morn in the scud n gaes back tae ez glampin site n mounts ez missus.. ez taein oan the same savage ridin style as the wolves, ez missus screams tae git him aff n ez thrown aff the site fir bein bevvied n heads back hame alane tae ez basket in the utility rim

 

[Fridge]

Nae even sure I understand mist of that but I did piss myself laughing!

[Redforever86]

Class min.

[Mr blackie]

Arabian knight rider

Intrepid tales of a head to toe leather clad dundonian, driving a tr7 with red LEDs scouring about outside nae necks and doon the local canal looking for refugee Romanians/Bulgarians of a rare vintage buzzing gas.

[BrianFaePerth]

Arabian Knight Rider

 

Biography of auld Jim the tramp and his sex life.

[Poodler]

Arabian Knight Rydell High

 

AK teaches Olivia Newton John to speak and sing like himsel whilst John travolta sacrifices his children for Scientology in the background

[Poodler]

I just really hope it isn't Rumpus

[BrianFaePerth]

 

Piss my fucking kecks at it. hahahaha.

 

Well done AK, you help Gays save money on his heating bill.

[Hewitt a the pies]

Silent Titmuss.

While showering her backdoor with a lethal timetunnel inducing combination of toothpaste, Vim and dairyLea cheese, curvy trollop Abby Titmuss finds herself transported back in time and onto the silver screen as Ben Turpins love interest in a classic black and white silent film.

[StandFree1982]

Silent (and) Witless

 

The sad story of the demise of Ricksen. 

[Fridge]

Violent Witness

 

Boof gets done for his mouse’s ear commment, all members of the Hat get pulled in as witnesses. Judge is a Hun. Chaos ensues.

[The Boofon]

Willo the wasp.

 

Documentary following Flood after he signs for Alloa.

[The Boofon]

Two pints of Shergar and a packet of lisps.

 

A stolen horse gets liquidised and a chat show host gets chopped into slices and oven baked into a pub snack.

[Poodler]

Two parts of Sadiq Khan and a paki getting snipped

 

 

Tommy Robinson performs a circumcision on the London Mayor with racial undertones. Moobs is the assistant

[maryhilldon]

Two pints of Shergar and a packet of lisps.

 

A stolen horse gets liquidised and a chat show host gets chopped into slices and oven baked into a pub snack.

 

[Studebaker-90]

Silent (and) Witless

 

The sad story of the demise of Ricksen.

 

Sad?

[Mr blackie]

Pebble dash the Dutch mill at 1

 

Heavyweight battle in the dutcher bogs

Red corner: bad_mobby filled with home made stovies, Thai food, chicken casserole weissbier and wine

Blu corner: bluto filled with bitterballen, various cheeses, nuts, olives Belgium tripels and a neverending bottle o gin

 

Winner tbd (to be decided) by guest referee hairy pie

 

Results posted on the longest shite thread

 

Bad_mobby to get 2 public warnings for pissing in the sinks and snorting chinger in the bogs instead o shiten.

[Chewie37]

The Beechwood Garden.......some special posters from the Hat shuffle around the grounds, some celebrations when they manage to piss or shit somewhere other than their trousers.

[Redforever86]

The Bykergrove Garden

 

Ant MacParland sitting on a bench alone drinking straight vodka, tears roll down his cheeks as he clutches a set of old car keys and the weeds grow up around him.

[BrianFaePerth]

^^DYA

[Redforever86]

^^DYA

Fuck you sayin Bo?

[Chewie37]

Fuck you sayin Bo?

Think you upset Spuggy there

[Studebaker-90]

Is this your wife?

 

Michael Aspel explores the mystery around who exactly handed out a blowjob to Fridge on May Day in the snuggery. Was it indeed Dazzy Deffs Spouse?

[Fridge]

This is your wife

 

Apologetic Fridge takes the lassie home and hands over a 6 pack of beer and a voucher for the club shop.

 

Sheepishly retreats and everybody moves on.

[Betty Swallicks]

The Antique Cunt Show

 

Old lassies show off their cunts in a race to discover the best aged cunt.