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Telly Programmes That Haven't Been Made Yet


amancalledbuck

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Popeye the Movie.

 

Bluto plays (with) himself, all mouth and no trousers, trying his damndest to get his Nat King fae Olive Oil, and predictably failing miserably.

 

Popeye drinks him under the table, tans some spinach, and knocks f**k out of the bearded loser for the umpteenth time.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Confessions of a Window Cleaner

 

Not to be confused with the 70's styled porn, but a program where they speak with Window Lickers to describe their favourite types of glass, wether it be frosted, double glazed, with/without condensation or colour preference.

 

Spot The Dog

 

A bit like Where's Wally, but with a picture of hundreds of hotties and one munter lingering in the picture somewhere. This could also be reversed and played in real life while out and about in Aberdeen!

 

Horse Whisperers

 

Man whispers things into horses ear, out of earshot of mics and contestants have to guess by the horses reaction what he is saying.

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Red Nose Day - a fly on the wall look at sour faced, referee hating, forelock tugging, weegie piss-head Alex 'fergie' Ferguson. We see how he gets on with the 3 hour wait at the podiatrists, chortles-a-plenty as he tries to use the self service tills in Tesco and just how will he react when he finds out that the Polish window cleaner has scratched his mobility scooter?

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Hugh min, Plan it.

 

Documentary set in the Masonic Lodge.

 

Ex-ref Hugh Dallas plots revenge on the fenian b*stards responsible for his sacking by the SFA.

 

Very good indeed.

 

Cherry Mason

 

Canadian Ice Hockey commentator Don Cherry plays sleuth detective Perry Mason in a new series.

 

As with all good Mason practices, in most episodes, the identity of the guilty party is discovered without an actual trial being held. :itch-chin:

 

Don Cherry

 

Perry Mason

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Syme Cards.

 

Ex referee, and unabashed hun David Syme runs through a monologue of all the decisions he gave in favour of the mighty Glasgow Rangers FC during his distinguished career, and also baulks at the fact that cheating by referees appears to have been called into question in the modern era.

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Radiohead.

 

In a harrowing documentary, similar to the shocking John Merrick (and Davie Dodds) inspired Elephant Man, Louis Theroux meets a family who's son was born with a transistor radio on top of his shoulders rather than a head.

 

Episode 1 sees them take their plight to the Houses of Parliament where they meet David Cameron and the Governors of the BBC to protest at the

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Country File

 

A look at the countries filing system and how one man claims to be able to revolutionise the system by using a huge machine thing that fills a room the size of a house. Apparently he aims to be able to share this information across the world using what can only be described as leads. Load of old bollocks, it will never catch on.

 

Two and a Halve Smug b*stards

 

Two brothers live together in a house, one of them has a child who is equally as smug. One of them acts looks and sounds like a raving homo, but pretends he isn't. The other is a womanizer and a druggy. Big breasted blondes come and go from the house, plenty of tinned laughter and a side plate of extra smug.

 

Beep Beep Beep

 

Documentary following Doreen and Cibil as they work the checkouts at their local Co-op.

 

Episode 1 - Doreen finds a tin of spam that has been left at the side of the checkout and goes round the store in search for its home. Meanwhile, Cibil is attracting attention from the local talent, George and Cecil, 80 and 83 respectively, who have come in to get their P&J n reduced meats.

 

Episode 2 - Drama in Store - Cibil, working on customer services, has been informed that one of the wee trolleys has been found in the river just down the road. She must find a way of getting that trolley back before her shift finishes at 7pm. Doreen has trouble picking off the new reduced labels they have started using.

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Has any sick c**t ever bought a Red Bounty?

 

Sickening, dark chocolate, rank.

 

I dinna like normal chocolate but thon Bournville and all that jazz is beyond the pale.

 

 

i had my first ever red bounty in about 20 years just the other day.

 

dark chocolate is pretty good actually once you get used to it.

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